Ostend Weekend (2/5) By John Allbones

(1/5), (2/5), (3/5), (4/5), (5/5),

As we bussed for the hour and a half from Calais to Ostend, or Oostende, as it said on the signposts, I, for the first time started to wonder what it would be like. I'd given it very little thought. I knew it was a port, and had a beach, but little else. I normally like to research my holiday destinations, particularly when I'm not going to be there for long. I'd hate to miss something important. A bloke at work had made out that it was a bit seedy, and had a hooker on every corner.

When a man from Grimsby tells you this you sit up and take notice, he should know about these things. I still can't decide if he thought this was a good or a bad thing.

We arrived in Ostend, it was 5.30pm and the sun and the heat were undiminished. The harbour looked majestic. The tall ships race was in town. There were so many masts you couldn't distinguish one boat from another. My lack of research had made it into a bit of a blind date, but first impressions were good. My mind now turned to the hotel. A very smart and convivial chap called Patrick handed me the room key and T.V. remote control, as I tripped over assorted baggage in reception (How I never saw the leopardskin suitcase God only knows) I suddenly started to get a low key feeling of apprehension and excitement, as I wondered what my room would be like.

But first, the lift! I don't think it's always been a lift. It had obviously been used for another purpose in a previous life. I think someone maybe kept matches in it.

I remember thinking please don't let me get stuck in here in this heat. Fortunately, I didn't, and popped out on floor five straight into my own door. Room 514. With key in sweaty hand, I unlocked the door (which curiously opened out into the corridor) and cast my eyes on my home for the next three nights. I couldn't help thinking something was missing. A hostage tied to the radiator perhaps. My heart sank. It was a depressing little room. Even the view of the fire escape couldn't save it.

Bizarrely, the bathroom was different again. It seemed out of place, as if in the wrong hotel. Large. Beautifully clean. Tastefully decorated, and perfectly lit. 'I might sleep in here'. After twelve hours on a bus I wasn't going to worry too much. I chucked my case in, sprawled out on the bed, and used my newly procured remote control to switch the telly on. I appeared to have stumbled upon a Belgium soap opera. That's all I need, bloody Ostenders.

Eight o'clock sharp. Dinner. My pea soup wasn't going down. The air conditioning in the dining room wasn't working, so the sweat was running off my forehead and into my bowl. All the same, it was hard to complain. If the guests were struggling what about the waiters, dashing about in the oppressive heat. Or, worse still, the kitchen staff! The food was basic, but tasty and filling. The ice cream was particularly welcome. A nice cold lager beckoned, so I strode purposefully towards the lounge bar.

I was greeted by the sound of tonight's artist, murdering Achey Breaky Heart in a style - and I use the word loosely - which was beyond parody. Maybe it was time for me to explore the 'hooker infested' streets of Ostend.

Continued ... next page (3/5)

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