Christianity: A 21st century perspective Part one by Lee Cassanell Next Part Two.

Religion. The word itself can cause nausea, vomiting, and in some cases, intense and unrelenting flatulence. It is rumoured that Jesus Christ Himself during his famous 'Sermon on the mount' gig, followed through on at least three occasions. But then again if I knew that some inbred Roman was going to be banging six inch nails into my feet sometime in the near future, I'd also be inclined to Shit myself. You ever seen that 'No-Nails' stuff on Television? I wonder how the history of Catholicism would have differed if Jesus had been glued to the cross?

In fact, it would make a great advertisement. (Cut to a miserable looking Roman nailing a screaming Victim to a crucifix) He bangs a nail into the mans palm, the nail buckles, the roman shakes his head And pulls the nail back out to start again) Voice over: "Are crucifixions becoming a chore?" (The Roman Nod's)

Voice over: "Are you bored of Hammering nails day in day out" (The Roman Nod's again) Voice over: "Then Why Not try new No -Nails (The Tube magically appears in his hand) "No Nails is the revolutionary new adhesive that is 20% more effective then Nails and is guaranteed to stick even the most awkward of materials together"

(Cut to the Roman Smearing his puzzled looking Victim with No-Nails) "No longer will you go home from a hard day's crucifying blood splattered and sore, use No- nails and you and your client will bond rather then bicker. (Cut to the Victim offering the Roman a Cigarette, laughing and joking together) Voice Over: "So Crucifiers, throw away those rusty Hammers and buy No-Nails by Pilate Inc" (Cut to rows of smiling crucified men and a happy Roman dancing into the sunset carrying his tube of No- Nails) Voice Over: "New No-Nails, takes the stigmata out of Crucifixion" continued below

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Christianity: A 21st century perspective (Part one) continued by Lee Cassanell

It makes you wonder doesn't it? Had Jesus fallen off his Donkey and broken his neck, or he'd died of a Cocaine overdose in a Jewish Brothel, there would be no way the Church would have built statues and painted huge stained glass windows portraying his untimely demise. If Jesus had died a natural death, the church would not have had there most potent symbol, the cross or Crucifix, instead people would be wearing the effigy an old guy dead in his chair around there necks, which is not quite as Romantic an image as a Guy in a Rose Bush hat being pinned to two planks of wood.

Though I suppose crucifixion is a cool way to go….much better then Lung cancer and you don't get members of your family crowding around your bed bringing you bottles of Lucozade and copies of Heat Magazine. Anyway, that's all for now, over the next few weeks I will be posting other some other articles with a religious theme so look out for those. Until then brothers and sisters I leave you leave you with reputed last words of old JC himself. "Pliers, Pliers, My Kingdom for a Pair of Pliers"

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