Hard (an exploration of sport and masculinity, from the perspective of a recently-retired loose forward) (1/2) By Perry Farrell

(1/2) (2/2)

No more rugby, then. Played me last game. Twenty years of it. I had some great times - on the field and off. But what was the point? You can get into the habit of something and let it become so big, that you can't even remember why you started doing it in the first place. I think it was all about being macho. Being hard. You didn't know why, but if you had a certain personality or a certain background, it was just something you did. Other lads joined the army. Instead of medals, we had cuts and bruises; breaks, sometimes. If you were lucky you'd have a few scars - a more permanent reminder of how hard you were. And there was a strange pride to be had from going out on the town with a limp or a fat lip.

Most of the time, the rules of the game kept you from coming to any real harm, but when you keep running into 16 stone of beef and bad temper, rules don't come into it - it just bloody hurts. A feller called Graham Lowe, coach of the great Wigan team of the 1980s, once said that playing a game of rugby was like getting mugged every minute for an hour-and-a-half. He was right. Fear? Yeah, there was fear.

It was something you thought about, but never dared speak it. No bloody way. I guess we just relied on adrenaline to take care of things; fight or flight, I suppose. No choice on a rugby field though - you can't run away there. But adrenaline is nature's anaesthetic, and you never felt any pain until later - usually, just as you were jumping off the bus for your first pint in town. Perfect if there were a few birds around - the wounded heroes returning from battle. At that age we had a different approach to life in general, I suppose. Including sport.

We weren't very good sportsmen, really. Let's face it - rugby's based on intimidation and violence, and the best way to do violence is build up a bit of hatred beforehand. So while some people go on about the honour and decency in rugby, it's usually just writers who've never played the fucking game. Yeah, those things existed, up to a point - we'd all shake hands at the end of game and have a beer, but it only lasted until the next match. A lot of the guys you came up against had nowt in their lives, especially those from the pub sides off the estates. No job. No money. No prospects. Just a lot of pent-up aggression.

Continued..... Next Page (2/2)

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