Big Brother Exposed continued By Lee Cassanell

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Nadia  Stuart   Michelle  Victor   Jason   Dan  Kitten  Vanessa  Emma  Marco  Becky  Ahmed  Shelle

Nadia

If there is any justice in the world Nadia should win Big Brother 5 hands down. She is by far the most entertaining of the housemates (especially when she runs out of cigarettes) and her laugh alone guarantees her a future in showbiz after the show has reached its conclusion. I'm convinced that the producers put Nadia in the house because they wanted to see how the other house mates would react they discovered she's a transsexual. However as it's turned out the subject has never been raised mainly due to the fact that Nadia is so feminine only Sherlock Holmes himself would ever suspect she used to be a geezer. SEXUALITY - All woman, and maybe a little extra MENTALITY- Steal her smokes and she'll cut you up FUTURE CAREER - The new host of Blind Date

Stuart

I don't mind Stuart. He may be dull as dishwater and a bit of a cry-baby mummy's boy but at the end of the day that's about all he's guilty of. If they play their cards right, he and Michelle could become the new Posh and Becks and I for one hope they do. In fact I think we should hang David Beckham, stick Posh in a council flat with her kids and make Stuart the New England football Captain. So he might toot on a bong and munch his way through fifty bags of Pickled Onion Monster Munch at half time..at least he'll be able to take a penalty better then that over rated retard. SEXUALITY - Michelle's sexual aid in all but name MENTALITY- Rain Man in a bandana EDUCATION - Stuart has Five A-levels but is mysteriously unable to complete a simple sentence.

Michelle

When Michelle first came into the house she had Mucky Tart written all over her but as the days and weeks have passed she's shown us what a classy lady she actually is. Some newspapers have slated her for not being the sharpest tool in the box and although she won't be winning any Nobel prizes I don't think she's thick by any means. She's provided the male population with their yearly quota of Big Brother nudity and you just know that as soon as she gets out of the house she'll be slipping on a strap and riding young Stuart from here to Tanzania. SEXUALITY - Every which way but loose. MENTALITY- Wonderfully normal POULTRY - Michelle loves chickens but prefers Cocks.

Victor

The Black Prince of Big Brother may have seen Menace II society one too many times but he's so goddam hilarious he deserves to be applauded rather than booed. He gives the impression that he's some kind of gun toting pimp who'll rub you out if you mess with him or one of his bitches but it's plainly obvious that behind the gangster rap is a man of marshmallow like softness. His fracas with Emma nearly got him ejected which would have been a tragedy for the show because he's such good value and the producers know that. If he makes to the last week it will be richly deserved. SEXUALITY - Anyone that arrogant must be packing a large piece MENTALITY- Suffers from the infamous init syndrome BEST MOMENT - Gyrating on the floor singing Boyz to Men

Jason

Jason is without a shadow of a doubt a toss pot of the highest order and those long years of steroid abuse have obviously had a profound effect on him. I don't think he's a bad person but I have no idea why he'd want to be on a show based around interaction when the last thing he wants to do is interact! When he's eventually evicted, he will either get his own fitness show on digital television or his life will be ruined forever and he'll be on page 7 in The Sun in a few years time describing how his drug and alcohol addiction was caused by the public's outcry of hatred when he left the house. Either one of those scenarios would be equally hilarious SEXUALITY - So adapt at the five knuckle shuffle he should play Poker. MENTALITY- Scottish GALIEC MYTH - Jason is the bastard child of Sean Connery and Supergran

Dan

Our very own Hull's Angel, Big Dan's peacekeeping keeping skills have reached UN proportions and if he's not careful Tony Blair will have him shipped out to Iraq to show those Yankee Yids and Camel Jockey's how to shake hands and forget all about it. Okay he does have a bit of a bitchy streak and a strange caterpillar haircut but we forgive him because, well, he's from Hull! It is our duty as citizens of this fair city to make sure Dan wins the cup and takes home the glory so when it comes to phoning in your votes make sure you think of Dan as I'm sure he'd love us all to get right behind him. SEXUALITY - The straightest gay man you'll ever come across MENTALITY- All his dogs are barking as far as I can fathom BEST PLACE TO FIND HIM - Pearson Park between 10 and 11pm

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