Big Brother Exposed By Lee Cassanell

Next Page

Kitten  Vanessa  Emma  Marco  Becky  Ahmed  Shelle  Nadia  Stuart   Michelle  Victor   Jason   Dan

Kitten

If Kittens revolution had been supported by the rest of the housemates this years Big Brother could have been one of the greatest television shows of all time. Unfortunately, due to the anaemic sailor persona and an amazing lack of charisma, the bi-sexual Che Guevara never quite managed too inspire her fellow comrades to blow cigar smoke in El Medias chubby face and the skinny suffragette's rebellion was crushed all too quickly SEXUALITY- Half Rice/Half Chips MENTALITY -If she's not an ex self-harmer, I am the Walrus CARTOONY- The child you always feared Popeye and Olive Oil would produce

Vanessa

Vanessa was a beautiful looking girl but unfortunately for us the South African ice maiden had all the sex appeal of a Nazi concentration camp on a rainy Monday morning. Her flirtations with Jay were (I reckon) nothing more then a vain attempt to fool the viewing public into believing she was a fun loving passionate woman and not a soulless Cyborg sent from the future to boost viewing figures, chew salad, and terrorise our transsexual cousins in unisex shower rooms. SEXUALITY- So cold I bet she shits ice-cubes MENTALITY - Too bland to be a fruit cake BLATENT LIE - Vanessa once had a torrid affair with gold dripping 80's action legend Mr T.

Emma

God Bless Emma. She reminded me of the thick but friendly girl at school who'd toss you off behind the gym block for half a Lambert and Butler and a bite of your Walnut Whip. Clearly lacking the essential vitamins and minerals a person requires to lead a sane and productive life, Emma harassed the house, went barmy in the bed-sit, and was unfairly ushered out of the show because the cowardly producers feared she might jab a fork in Victor's twitching eye. SEXUALITY- Men, Women, Alsatians..game for anything MENTALITY - A level of insanity that can only be achieved by years of interbreeding. INTERESTING FACT - Emma is not a Racist

Marco

Quite possibly the result of a bizarre experiment to try and cross Patrick Stewart with John Inman, Marco looked like a camp shaven monkey who was primed to be shot into outer space until he realised he'd miss a whole episode of Will and Grace. His rapport with Nadia and his dislike for Jay kept us more then entertained for the first few weeks but after a while the novelty wore off a little and there were times you wanted to beat him to within an inch of his life with something blunt and heavy. All in all though he was probably one of the most genuine people in the house SEXUALITY - Bent as a nine bob note and proud of it. MENTALITY - Fruity, but not necessarily Nuts. MUTANT POWER - Shopping

Becky

Whoever took the adjacent picture must be the most talented photographer of all time because that sultry siren bears little or no resemblance to the freakish monster that inhabited the house for a brief spell. Although I do appreciate the whole Judas thing when she kissed Michelle on the cheek , it wasn't even her idea and the large tumour like growth that she developed on the corner of her mouth put me off my Coco Pops one to many times. As John Candy said in Uncle Buck; Here's a nickel, now go down town and buy a rat to gnaw that thing off your face. SEXUALITY - Implied much but never delivered the goods MENTALITY - Mad as Cheese Pie SEAFARING DISEASE - Bore all the hallmarks of scurvy

Ahmed

How Ahmed has escaped eviction for 7 weeks is a mystery of modern of science, however his plate smashing, dummy beating antics and general creepiness around members of the opposite sex entertained us to no end while he was still and active member of the house. Victor and Jay's plastic friendship made him a valuable ally to the self proclaimed Jungle Cat's but after his recent performance in the army task his career in showbiz has drawn to a close and he'll be back on the streets flashing to pensioners and shooting homosexuals before you can say asylum seeker. SEXUALITY - Whatever he's into..It's Illegal. MENTALITY - The Godfather of Ahmania FAVOURITE MAGAZINE - The Gay Times

Shelle

Look closely at the picture on the left. At first glance she looks like a card carrying member of the women's institute who has aspirations of becoming a nun but if you stare at the image for a long enough period of time, the devilish face of the Prince of Darkness magically appears before your very eyes. Shelle is everything I appreciate in a woman. She's Posh, intelligent, and not afraid to shed her clothing when the mood takes her, but I'm also fully aware that behind that warm innocent exterior lies the jet black heart of a cold blooded killer..and man is that a turn on! SEXUALITY -It's always the quiet ones..depraved MENTALITY- Hannibal Lecter in leg warmers AMAZING BUT TRUE - Shelles real name is Michelle.

Big Brother Exposed continued By Lee Cassanell

Reviews, Opera - Gilbert & Sullivan The Mikado at Middleton Hall, Hull University By Nicholas Boldock
	Dagger Lane Operatic Society are old hands when it comes to Gilbert & Sullivan. - in fact, they've been performing their operettas for 20 years now. Way back in 1984 their inaugural production was HMS Pinafore. This year, for their twentieth anniversary show, it was the most celebrated Gilbert & Sullivan Read more...

Reviews, Books - Lovely Green Eyes By Arnost Lustig By Steve Rudd
	This is truly an extraordinary novel, written by a man who survived the horrors of Auschwitz, and who lived in fact to tell his tale. Bizarrely though, this isn't so much his tale as a girl's story.. a 15-year-old girl called Hanka who lies about being a Jew to survive, and who becomes a prostitute in due course. Read more...

Reviews, Theatre - The Blockheads New Writing Festival Hull Truck Thursday June 24th Review by Jane Foster.
	Special Guest Reviewers Bernard Manning - Hilarious original Northern comedian Tony Blair - The Prime Minister, not Lionel's brother you prancing thespians you Thora Hird - Thoroughly nice old lady who's drop scones are the envy of, well.. other old ladies An idealistic young teacher ( Kelly Hardy ) tries to Read more...

Reviews, Films - Fahrenheit 911 - Moore heat By Martin J Deane
	I announced this film to cheers at The Welly when Sam Ahmed and his band invited us to speak, on 4th July, Independence FROM America Day. Michael Bush-whacker Moore takes us on a roller-coaster ride through the Republicans stealing the 2000 election - with shameful scenes of one black Representative Read more...