300 By Lee Cassanell

Due to the extreme cheapness of pirate DVDs it is often tempting to hand over a couple of sweaty coins to a council estate heavy at Walton Street market rather than pay six English pounds for a seat at your local cinema because that way you can smoke your lungs black, order a pizza, sit in your pants and not have to brave the uncomfortable chairs, high prices and bastard children that comes hand in hand with any trip to the multiplex. Still, some films demand to be seen on the big screen and if you are one of the poor unfortunates who never caught The Lord of the Rings, Spiderman, Star Wars, The Matrix or movies of that ilk at the pictures then I think you can never fully experience the flick, no matter how wide your new high definition television is.

300 is pure cinema at its very best. It has a plot wafer thin, the accents are muddled ( a Greek king with a scottish drawl for one) and its historical inaccuracy verges on biblical but for sheer visual spectacle and entertainment value it pisses in the face of most modern movies and calls it Cherry Cola.

I have no desire to run through the storyline because if you are reading this you most certainly have a computer, so follow the links at the bottom for the trailer and a bit of background knowledge and I'm sure you will get the gist. If you are physically unable to click on them, I sincerely apologise but I'm not going to waste my time prattling on about the plot just because you're some kind of cyber spaz who can't operate a mouse without hurting themselves.

So anyway, 300 is indeed the business and caters for all creeds and persuasions. Some will see it as an allegory for the Iraq War, some will be convinced it's blatant homo-erotica and others, I can only hope, will see it has being nothing more than a good old sword and sandals romp but with amazing special effects and buckets of Persian blood.

I should also note that if you are a man and you go to see this feature before a night out on the Guinness, it will cause your testicles to double in weight and you'll be overcome with the urge to beat up random strangers, shag a nubile princess and move to Sparta. But hey, it's healthy for a chap to feel like that for time to time. Rating: Three hundred and One Links: 300 Trailer: www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhi5x7V3WXE The Battle of Thermopylae: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Thermopylae

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