Simon Armitage @ PAVE 22/03/04 by Elsie Creek

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It seemed that, until this event, I was the only person in existence not to have heard of Simon Armitage. Nowadays, the writings of this ex-probation officer, from the small West Yorkshire town of Marsden, are apparently even studied at GCSE. I'm sure that is the final proof of success for even the most pessimistic of poets. PAVE hosts many live events, mostly musical, but its atmosphere seems suited to poetry: self-consciously middle-class and pretentious, the clientele is more cultured than the usual Hull riff-raff.

Simon was surely unaware of just how privileged he was. Not only were around 200 people crammed into the venue, but many major faces from the literary scene were in attendance: Maggie Hannon, Literature Development and Outreach Co-ordinator for Hull; Steve Hall, local literature critic who writes for CityLife Manchester; Peter Naggs, poet and member of Waterstones' staff; and, of course, the obligatory Renegade Writers' representatives.

Maggie Hannon & Steve Hall

The Renegades

I am sure if Simon had known of his audience's status he would not have kept them waiting so long: initially deferring by a week, due to illness and then delaying for a further couple of hours because of traffic in London - with naturally no mention of the oversize, bruising hail, which the punters had endured when arriving.

When the hail stopped and he did eventually turn up, tension had been giving way to annoyance. He apologised profusely, looking harassed, and then sensibly decided to get stuck straight into the reading. Everyone relaxed, postponing the lynching until after the performance.

Simon Armitage

Despite Simon's anxious and self-deprecating manner, his voice was strong and clear as he launched into his first poem. The confidence of his recital made for interesting comparison with the subject matter, in this case listing why . . . you are beautiful . . . while . . . I am ugly . . . It was mildly amusing, even though at times the sentiments depicted seemed quite genuine.

That was followed directly by extracts from his latest novel The White Stuff. In my experience, prose tends to require excessively great concentration from the listeners, who quickly become restless. However, a combination of Simon's skill and an unusually attentive audience meant that it was thoroughly enjoyable and remarkably powerful. Unlike many poets who progress to novels, the style was fairly standard, though the poetry may have added to the descriptive and atmospheric qualities.

We got the whole of chapter one, clarifying the book's title with its own: The Sperm Test. Heavy stuff, going into the male emotions associated with attempts at, and final sad outcome of, pregnancy. Simon read well, his voice suitably slow and measured. We were also treated to an excerpt about the much-maligned furnishings store Ikea, again from the perspective of male emotion.

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