A Man Named Dave by Dave Pelzer Renegade Writer Book Review & My Perspective by Darren Sant

A Man Named Dave is the third and final book in the memoirs of Dave Pelzer. See this website for reviews of the first two books: A Child Called "It". and The Lost Boy The first two books cover the authors early years and detail the abuse he suffered at the hands of his Mother. The third book details Dave's life from late teens to the present day. The early chapters detail Dave joining the air force in the hope of becoming a pilot. Throughout the book you get the impression that the author is a very determined and hard working person.

No doubt his traumatic childhood playing a significant role in making him this kind of person. His Mother controlled, violently, every aspect of his early years forcing him to do chores to a time limit. If he failed within the given time he usually got a beating. Usually he got a beating regardless. I am not going to go into any great detail about the events that happen in this book. I think what is important is what we can learn from this inspirational trilogy. I could put in a few criticisms of the book but to be honest since this is a memoir and the author has obviously given much of himself to bring us his story I won't.

There are a couple of recurring themes in the book that I'd like to discuss. Dave mentions the fact that people who have been abused themselves can follow a 'cycle' and become abusers themselves. Whilst this is not true of everyone that has been abused his words have been proven time and again in stories we see in our media. Stories that move us shock us and show that there is some truth in this statement. How can this cycle be broken? Unfortunately, I am not qualified to answer that question. The book suggests that being open, learning to forgive and seeking responsibility for our own actions are ways of helping here. Within the book the author quite clearly says directly and indirectly "Don't blame your past".

I am a great believer in being open. No one is perfect but I think if you have a problem you should not bottle it up. Talk to someone about it. As I sit here typing I am listening to Pink Floyd's The Wall. One line on the CD goes "The prisoner was caught red handed showing feelings". This sums up the perception that being open is to show a "weakness". In fact the whole album is about alienation and hiding things behind a wall. Roger Water's lyrics and Dave Pelzer's words suggest openness is a way help overcome our problems. If you feel there is no one around you that you can talk to why not call an organisation such as the Samaritans? There are lots of people and organisations out there willing to listen. To use a clique a problem shared is a problem halved.

Writing is also great therapy. If you can't talk about it why not write it down. Get it out of your system don't dwell on it. A manager once treated me unfairly. I was so upset that I couldn't sleep that night so I sat down and wrote on three pages of A4 why I felt that I had been treated badly with the intention of e-mailing it to him first thing on Monday morning. Had I sent that e-mail I felt sure that I would have lost my job. I never needed to send it. By the time I had written it I had exorcised my feelings and felt better. I had things in perspective again.

Anyway I will end this article before I go off on too much of a tangent! I found Dave's book an inspiration read. If you are at all interested in human nature then I urge you to read this trilogy. Copyright © Darren Sant 2003 (Renegade Writer)

www.davepelzer.com www.samaritans.org.uk www.nspcc.org.uk/html/home/home.htm

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