Ash Wednesday by Ethan Hawke By Steve Rudd

The definition of grace is the ability to accept change. I needed to start calculating my masculinity not by the amount of pussy I could grab, or how many girls I could bang, but by how true I could be with one girl. How infrequently I could lie. How often I could show up when I was needed. How willing I was to love the life I had rather than covet the lives of others. Far more than the fantastic pretty boy actor that he is regarded as, ever since his fantastically tender performance in the late-80's movie Dead Poet's Society (which is, incidentally, my favourite movie of all-time), Ethan Hawke somehow manages to find time to write too amidst his busy stints in the movies.

In fact, this is his second novel after The Hottest State. Being a massive fan of his acting, I was naturally intrigued to check out his writing, and man, am I more than impressed. Ash Wednesday is an extraordinary novel and focuses on young lovers Jimmy and Christy.

Cleverly, both central characters take it in turns to narrate their side of the story, as they face their own personal demons whilst looking forward to their future together with a baby on the way, all set against a mad road-trip across America. See, these two are SO in love that the time they spend together is often blighted by arguments, and even though they get married and profess to each other that they'll love each other always, there are always bizarre doubts in each of their minds that what they have done is in fact the right thing. The point of marriage, Christy thought, must be something more than to stay together forever, because we will be ultimately redivided.

Thankfully, Ash Wednesday is in NO WAY like any other love story that I've read. This is a TRUE LOVE story, and the author in Hawke bravely explores some incredibly deep and meaningful themes. So many love stories rely on sex-based scenarios for kicks and come away with no heart, but this novel maturely incorporates the characters' respective beliefs in religion, life and death in a supremely intense and all-encompassing manner.

A horde of sex scenes are prominent (Jimmy was almost uncomfortably deep inside me), but Ash Wednesday is brave enough to thoughtfully deal with the big issues that buoy mature adult relationships too, proving that Ethan Hawke is clearly just as great at writing and creating his own characters as he is when he's personally acting in the shoes of characters that other writers have created for him. Through the course of the novel, both Jimmy and Christy dredge up stories from their childhood and all their hopes and fears spiritedly flood forth. They are the type of characters that you can't help but care about, and the subtly uplifting end is executed with tender panache.

Consequently, I truly cannot wait for Ethan's next novel and have already reserved my copy. To know who you are and then to accept it - that is life's journey. ISBN 0-7475-6155-9 (BLOOMSBURY; first published in 2002) www.ashwednesday.co.uk

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