The Hell-ection - King Rats Common Sense Guide to The Bastards in Charge

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Hear ye, hear ye, election time is upon us again. Inspiring speeches thought provoking debates, radical policies for the good of mankind, or who the hell do I vote for? 2pence on lesbians 1pence on fags, wasn't that Dalek episode good! Yes citizens I am as bemused as you, so let's delve into the partisan tribes that inhabit Westminster and smell their undies. LABOUR

Like so many of my ilk I have been a staunch supporter of the labour party all my inconsiderate life. My father's labour, his father was labour, his father's father was labour, his father's father's one cell organism was labour, my mother was in labour and so on. Voting for me at 18 was a cert thing;

Blair was my master and I his acolyte. But now what's a man to do? I'm no lily livered state sponging reclaim the streets troglodyte but the war in Iraq had my hackles up. Bugger Saddam, bugger al quaeda, but there has to be more than one way to skin a fascist. Yes the economy's strong and I'm still in a job but what's that if you live in an illiterate nation run by juvenile delinquents reminiscent of beyond thunderdome. Labour gets a maybe. CONSERVATIVE

Howard appears on the screen, I recite the lord's prayer. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them. I'd rather chew pieces of reject lego caked in the shit of an American sumo wrestler than sacrifice the last of my sanity.

They are the remainder of the past; of large stomached dining on roast peasant. They are cricket, they are snobbery, they are cold-hearted hedonists, they are destroyers of unions, equality and the working class, they are James Bond. NO! Not until Satan himself lets loose on my anus (may I remark at this point I am neither a gay or a satanist). LIBERAL DEMOCRATS Yawnnnnn!!!

GREEN PARTY I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike, I want to ride my bicycle, I want..... What about the economy and the principles of social improvement?? Bless their little fair trade cotton socks.

Believe it or not I voted for the green party last council elections. Why?? I assume you ask, maybe it was voter apathy of a defunct democracy, maybe it was their friendly approach to campaigning, maybe it was Asda scotch. The greenies are so devoid of power that it hasn't yet had the chance to corrupt em. No matter how radical and beneficial their earth saving ideas are they have no chance of influence thus are resigned to the protest vote.

BNP Hmmm, nice plans to combat the urban drugs problem on our streets at the root of the matter, shame about the nigger hating jew baiting thinly veiled nazi policies. One purpose these para-poli-thugs do serve though, it's nice to see other politicians squirming over who has to stand next to them at the result announcement.

Continued ...next page

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