(Introductory verse and all breaks to tune of Heartbreak Hotel.
Other verses to tune of Cotton Mill Blues. Words in brackets are spoken asides..)
Now all my fellow oldies I hope you're feeling well
Listen what I'm sayin' cause I got a tale to tell
I got the blues, I got the blues. I got the geriatric blues
Joints are creakin' bladder's leakin' teeth are missin'
Havin' trouble pissin,' got the blues, the geriatric blues.
Go spread the news about the blues, those life consuming blues (yeah!)
They're waitin' round the corner waitin' there for you
One day they're gonna get you. Nuthin' you can do
Now when I was a young man I'd get out on the tiles
But now I spend my evenin's putting ointment on my piles.
I got the blues. Those mean old timer's blues.
Well I rode around on motor bikes with grace and style and dash.
Tore round like a maniac, now and then I'd crash.
If I hit the road I'd bounce but nowadays I'd splash.
(Don't do that any more.) Got the blues etc.
I grow old, I grow old, I will wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled
I'll wear white flannel trousers and walk along the beach
I have heard the mermaids singing. Singin' each to each
(Don't think they'll sing to me.)
Now you literary people will know where I'm at
I borrowed that last verse from the feller who wrote Cats (Well he don't need it any more)
Got the blues... etc.
I got a house a pile of pension, all the retirement perks
I'd sacrifice the lot for a dick that really works.
I got those death expectin,' pension collectin,'
Mugger suspectin,' mean old, mean old geriatric blues.
Poetry - Response To Those Who Doubt (You know who you are) By Joe Hakim
Dead from the neck up
taking me to task
for the thing they lack:
a passion that burns
Poetry - Showdown At Flamingo-Land By Patrick Henry
Flamingo-Land is sheer paradise captured in a name.
Exquisite birds turn the trees to fiery flame,
Perching there on a rosy-fingered dawn,
Or at dusk stretching daylight to sublime perfection.
In the wildlife park creatures are good as kept by Noah;
Safe from storm, flood and savagery
Poetry - Thoroughly Lagered-Up Charlie By Jane Foster and Michelle Dee
I'm thoroughly lagered-up Charlie
I'm having such a ball
I've got 15 toilets
But I piss against the wall
I'm thoroughly lagered-up Charlie
I eat out of a box
Poetry - When Frankie Met Prickly By Michelle Dee, Elsie Creek and Jane Foster
Frankenstein's Fanny met with Prickly Pussy
In the middle of a hot, hot day
Prickly told a joke which split Frankie's stitches
And blew her clean away
Frankenstein's Fanny and Prickly Pussy
Went out for a ride
Poetry - The Maritime Museum, Hull By Maolsheachlann O' Ceallaigh.
The recorded cry of some dead whale resounds
Over and over again. Rusted harpoons
Hang from the walls. On winter afternoons
Descendants of past sailors make the rounds
And mouth the names: Diana, Truelove, Swan.
Just syllables now. But children must have thrilled
To hear them, once.
Poetry - THE PRICE WE PAY By Del Abe Jones.
...We're going to stay the course, of course!...
That's what our Pres has always said
We're three years into this crazy War
With nearly twenty-four hundred Dead.
Seventeen thousand wounded folks
At least, that's the official count
With estimates of forty-some thousandRead more...
Poetry - We Are All Cartoons Now By Joe Hakim
Setting up a trap
the immaculate disappointment
capped off with regret,
things we could have
Poetry - Saint Patrick's Day By Del Abe Jones.
The Patron Saint of Ireland
Died in the Fifth Century
On the seventeenth of March
Is that anniversary.
That day is during Lent
When the Irish celebrate
With dance and drink and feast
Poetry - I Remember It Well By Jon Stewart
I met her in Retro
No, it was in Mint I said I was loaded
You said you were skint! Ah yeah...I remember it well.
Said she was from Bransholme
Poetry - Politics On The Dance-floor By Patrick Henry
Cuba's dangerous crocodile-shape looms long and slim
As a laid girl, a good cigar, or Castro's red regime.
A pianist plays Blues out of his back-street door:
An instrument from Chicago that'll send no more;
Nor glitzy Cadillac cabs that take you for a ride
For five bucks anywhere and girls
Poetry - A Popular Theme By Jane Foster
For Michael Cassar 1979 - 2000 A popular theme - the good die young,
With lips unparted, praise unsung,
The ode, the book, the song, the rhyme,
The tale of the young man cut down in his prime,
The turn of the screw, the whizz of the wheel,
The young man dead on a fiver deal.
Poetry - Picking Up Sluts In Retro By Joe Hakim
Me and me mates
were in Retro
and we met these
and we fucked 'em
Poetry - Snowball By Jane Foster
One winter's night, we found a snowball
Nestling in someone's front garden.
A foot high it was. We decided
To steal it, and began to push.
It didn't occur to us that it would gather snow,
And grow, and prove insurmountable.
Poetry - Song of Hopeless Love By Maurice Fairfield
I've got a girl who's mighty sweet
Fellows fall down at her feet
Still she treats me like a skunk
She only loves me when she's drunk.
When I call her on the phone
(This girl I'd love to call my own)
April August June October
Poetry - All The King's Men By John Winn
It's up to you the public don't decide
I'm ready when you're ready and that's no lie
I'm waiting for this fairy tale to break
Once upon a time has never been so late
It's a story worth 6 pence
Not really 8 or 10
Poetry - Chasing The Current By Stacie Brady
I'm longing for nothing, nobody, nowhere
They're probably waiting but I couldn't care
There's nothing exciting to brighten my days
I guess I'm just set in my old empty ways
I'm hoping for hopes of something to do
I'm dreaming of dreams that will never come true
I guess I'm just lost in a place that I know
Poetry - Latenight stanzas of Doggerel By Chu Nin
There where two taxi driver types
Sandpaper cheeks they bore
Stood akimbo unto a sooty subway staircase
There walked past a whore
Twas their sister they swore
She span in the dark drippingness
Poetry - Two Coppers In A Subaru By Joe Hakim
Two coppers in a Subaru
looking like Shaggy and Scooby-do
Winding down the window,
one of them asks:
'Where you goin' son,
Poetry - Sappho, Sophocles, Virgil By Lucy Arnold
Sit and wonder
Men all concerned
Not with practicality
but bestiality and the little sighs
the little sigh
of "I, I don't know"
Poetry - Talking In Circles By Joe Hakim
The broken spill that came out
could be viewed as a
the things that we
never ended up
Poetry - Ego Inoculation No 1 By Joe Hakim
Strip the year away and
throw it on the shit heap of memory,
take a step back from the
cult of your own personality.
Look at you now -
see how your ego has grown,
Poetry - Them And Us By Del Abe Jones.
Now they want to Google us
Where will all this snooping end?
Remember stories of Big Brother?
Well, he's lurking 'round the bend.
They tap our phones when they want
Though they could work within the law
Poetry - Rosa Lee Parks By Patrick Henry
Rosa Lee Parks, calm Rosa Lee,
Cotton seamstress of Montgomery,
Caught the wrong bus at the right time to be
Driven into race history.
Mr White Guy craved her bus seat place,
But she sat tight on her black ass.
Poetry - Chavalanche by Lee Cassanell
R'Kid and me went round for tea
At Nannas house
She don't get out
Except to bet on horses
Me Grandad smokes a thousand cigs
And sucks the juice from filter tips
He's eighty nine