Buy now and save with 'splat' you will be utterly amazed
Our busty blondes that advertise it, will leave you purely dazed
It works wonders in the bath and around the kitchen sink
It turns all surfaces sparkling clean or that's what we make you think
By now you will be hypnotized, to our advertisement plea
As we part you from your money, just phone this number it's free
But what we have not told you, we count on your ignorance its true
There is a line of small print that we have hidden out of view
For each call that is made to us, and every second pays
We tag a pound to your gas bill; we can get to you in many ways
But just to prove how generous we are, we will give you this free prize
A chance to win a sport car, it's a form of crooked disguise
Because you have no chance of winning it, we will offer a smaller gift
To keep you hanging on for more, your confidence needs a lift
So as a final token, just supply your details here
To enter in our prize draw, please subscribe for just one year
We will now send you confirmation, that is a binding trust
That in order to win your sports car, forthcoming payment is a must
To break this legal contract, could result in a fine or jail
Unless you pay the get out clause, just send a cheque by mail
You have now agreed to allow us, to share your details with all
Our sister company will ring you and arrange a salesman to call
It says quite clearly in the small print that you cannot refuse his wares
They're quite good value for money, it simply improves our shares
What good value you are getting, being looked after by our kindly firms
Did we mention the subscription fee? You agreed to it in our terms
Just set up a standing order, and we will collect our fee
You can arrange it monthly, as it's dearer by the week
You will get your kitchen cleaner, if our courier turns up on time
But we accept no liable, if it goes missing or indeed it's left behind
If you experience a problem, then call our complaints team
The rates are five pounds a minute, and not what they would seem
So now you have made your purchase, leave everything at that
You will never see a deal again as sensational as 'splat'.
I've seen bombs on trains,
And buildings meet planes,
But I've never seen a black man in the white house.
I've seen boys walk and wave,
Turn to men and march to graves,
But I've never seen a black man in the white house. Read more...
Poetry - My Mate Dan By Andy Grant
My mate Dan is a very silly man,
A very silly man indeed,
He wants to change his life and risk his bloody life
To jump out of a Hercules,
A territorial man with dark red hat,
He has chosen to follow his dad,
Poetry - First Love and Your Love By Laurenceaux
I love you inside.
Deep inside, protected and warmed
where no-one-else has been,
and as with undercurrents
you move unseen in me,
you stir my heart
kick me inside
Poetry - Brief Encounter By Terry Ireland
I was walking to the station
To catch an early morning train
Not a very nice day
Dark with drizzly sort of rain
When this voice beside me said
Hi would you like a lift
I'm not normally here at this time Read more...
Poetry - Battered By Michelle Dee
Did you fail to turn in, are you getting too thin?
Is this the year to finally stop all the drugs you're taking?
Kid yourself it's all okay. You already know
you'll have to pay. So lie inside,
die inside, it doesn't really matter.
Just another night and day, when you got battered. Read more...
Poetry - The Speaker of The Commons By Patrick Henry
Mick Martyr, a Clyde worker, worth his metal,
Falls on his sword, they carry for State Opening.
Rows rage on MPs, on two home loans, two jags,
Two lav. seats, two blue films, two mistresses,
To show the masses, who now their master is;
Two turtle-doves, to bill and coo, in their cote,
To house the ducks, spare no expense; to float Read more...
Poetry - We interrupt your programming to go live to the BBC News desk ... By Mark Walmsley
'Reports are just coming in that...
Democracy has just been assassinated
From the comments from the gentleman in the hat
He witnessed the murder as orchestrated
There is widespread panic on the streets
Carnage, devastation an attack on the elite' Read more...
Poetry - Relationship Ret-con By Joe Hakim
the staples that bound us
have come unstuck
as we fall to bits
like a ripped up book
you rant and issue
your prime directive
our horizons shift into
a Jack Kirby perspective
Poetry - People By Mike Watts
Don't ever be afraid
To speak your mind
Even if you find
Your words smacking
Like a fist
Into the face
Of the person that
You're speaking to
Poetry - A Wish for Unity By Suraya Begum
It’s time for us all to unite,
Stop trying to separate Black from White
It’s time for people to get along,
Everyone together will make the world strong
Racism can have such a bad effect,
People coming together is what will earn respect Read more...
Poetry Larkin 25 - The Farmers Market By Gary Clark
I saw a farmers market today on Prinny Dock side
A good place for a market thought I
How long have farmers made plastic tractors for kids?
And little aeroplanes that fly around on a stick?
Looked a bit desolate, the traders bored stiff
Not many farmers and nowt for a quid
The fat and the skinny the big and the tall Read more...
Poetry - The Right to Rule By Patrick Henry
The Bother Boys come blowing in,
By stealth through the back door.
Euro Polls gave them the nod.
Round corners lurk dozens more.
Garbed like bouncers, they’re in fact
Gatecrashers, sneaking backwards in,
Thought a loony fringe safely outside; Read more...
Poetry - Poetry versus Art By Mark Walmsley
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then art is a personal expression
If diction is a rule of language, then poetry does not have a connection.
How can an art critic judge, when he has no talent of his own?
Poetry - Hannah By Steve Rudd
The snow. That's what it came down to.
And, of course, the cold
That penetrated the folds
So the sheep couldn't see the shelter
Amidst the pristine whiteout.
That's why they roamed
At right angles to shepherds,
Poetry - House of Commons Lunch By Terry Ireland
Politicians soup they called it
Very clear and very thin
Like those election promises
No substance to put in
And it was fed to the people
And while they lived on that
The snouts at the trough
Poetry - Ode to the Insomniac By Scott Rorrison
Pixelated spectres drift through the train station:
Commuters going this way, and that,
Lives filled with collecting bric a brac
Stick in his soul
Like insomnia Weighted sheets.
Sleep is as far away
As the feel of a good woman
Poetry - Has Anybody Told You ... By Andy Grant
Has anybody told you that you're ugly?
Has anybody told you that you're fat?
Has anybody said you have a face for the radio?
Well they have me, and well, that's that.
Has anybody said that you're lovely?
Has anybody said that you're cute?
Poetry - Poetry ...1980 By Mike Watts
It was the Yanks
That frightened me
Winding each other up
It bothered me
More than girls
Poetry - The Headlines By Joe Hakim Video:
The headlines scream at me -
I'm eating flyers and chewing coffee
grounds, looking for all the losts I've
found. A job for life or eventuality,
at least my teevee isn't guilty of impartiality.
The kid on the bike, teeth hanging off the back,
front wheel stuck in the railway track,
Poetry - Addictive substance By Mark Walmsley
It starts early in the morning, the first thing in my head
I shake with a fever, Mouth all dry as I step wearily from my bed
I hope I have enough powder left from yesterday's last fix
I am a useless shell without it, and it's only half past six
Down the stairs I steady myself, shakily I go
Poetry - Nonsense (inspired by Manuro) By Laurenceaux
The wide mouthed speaker
swallowed my soul
as the light spoke to the wall,
casting shadows from a chair
that spoke in raindrops,
and wept for the mythical king
who lost his throat and his farting
Poetry - My Blood In Every Line By Paul England
Shit I'm just like shady
when digging up my pain,
I wrote my lines of life
with blood from every vain.
I wrote that shit with heart
but no one even read,
my blood has been forgotten
Poetry - Hull City Stay Up By Michelle Dee
By hook or by crook
Hull City stayed up.
No win today,
but Newcastle's result went our way.
City fans can breathe again,
three cheers for Phil Brown's men
Around the KC the tigers roar,
Poetry - The Right Hand of God By Mark Walmsley
I bless this creation, the animals and all
The Garden of Eden, the trees so tall
The crystal waters that run through the brook
Fresh air you breathe, I will record in my book
I curse the land, you cast me beneath
I swear a vengeance through my gritted teeth
The fire and torment I endure each day
Poetry - Resisting Arrest By Steve Rudd
When words fail what's left?
A look in the eye. Desire is dead.
Perhaps it never sparked in the first place,
I'd be a much saner man had I never seen her face.
Where beauty convenes, heartache feeds.
It's not in a man's nature to walk away.
An image in my mind holds me captive.
Poetry - Post Millennium Tension By Joe Hakim
I'd thought about it a lot -
when I was playing with Optimus Prime
and listening to 1999.
The prospect of being twenty-one
years old at the dawn of the new millennium
Poetry - Write Off By Mike Watts
A van had overturned
And I was wedged in
Bumper to bumper
For over an hour
By a piss
That I was preparing
To surrender to
Poetry - The National Express By Phil Pretheroe
The roar of the car,
(or the splutter of the heap),
past the shops,
past the pubs,
and it lays to rest.
A run to the station,
past the building site,
Poetry - Good Riddance London town (Robber in the Night) By Laura Fry
Goodbye London town
There's no way I'll miss you at all
I never got your glamour
You just made me feel so small
There's no such thing as safety
For any woman on her own
In a place they'd kill you
Poetry - Dirty Daydreams and Dentists By Mike Watts
I was miles away
Stood with a semi-on
At a bus-stop
Whose big square eyes
Poetry - That's Life! and What's The Point? By Laurenceaux
In a world of insecurity
built upon adversity
and ruled with hypocrisy
by oft' corrupt bureaucracy,
that pollute the word democracy
with aims of autocracy,
silently eating individuality