'Twas the Night Before Christmas By Bronwyn Ellis

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. But nobody lay sound asleep in their beds, They were all sat in A and E, pissed out their heads. There was Dancer and Prancer, the twins from East Hull, No teeth and a beard, but they still tried to pull. They drooled at the mouth, as they clutched their gold purses, And eyeballed the backsides of all the male nurses. When from somewhere outside, came a laughter so sweet, Then followed the fall of two large, booted feet. As the front doors slid open, a man stepped inside, About six feet in height and seven feet wide. Encloaked in red velvet, with fury white bands, And a bottle of Stella grasped tight in his hand. 'Tonight I've bestowed lovely gifts at your houses,' He exclaimed just before he was sick on his trousers. At the sight of his entrance the twins gaped in awe, And they rushed up when Santa fell flat on the floor. They each caught a glance of his sack full off gifts, And soon these two sisters were up to old tricks. 'I am sure we can come to some sort of arrangement, If we help you relax from your previous engagement.' 'I mean all of that work simply isn't a breeze, Disposing your load under all of those trees.' 'Indeed you are right, my dear ladies, so fair, By the white of my beard, and the white of ...down there. In all of my years, on every December, I clamber down chimneys, burn my arse on the embers, And never have I had an ounce of respect, Just a pie and some port, (that's the reason I'm wrecked). But never a thank you, St Nicholas dear, Just the same begging letters the very next year.' So to all of you children who've doubted St Nick, And the fact that he climbs down your chimney. Then I ask you to visit the bearded man, On a drip in Hull Royal Infirmary.

Copyright ©2009  Bronwyn Ellis

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