Tourette's Turret By Amanda Lowe

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, she turned the air blue With her constant outpourings of 'cunt' and 'fuck you' Locked in a turret till she could be silent But still the air rang with her aural defilement. A prince, riding by, her sweet voice he heard He listened more closely, then blushed at the words: 'You cock-sucking arse-shite!' - not what he expected And he rode away feeling sad and dejected. 'You butt-knight arse-rider,' she called from up high, 'Horse-fucking shit eater, fuck off and die.' But the prince, he returned, he could not stay away Bewitched by her tongue, he came back every day To gaze at her beauty, her grace, her serenity And listen, turned on, by her non-stop obscenities As days turned to weeks, he questioned his sanity Wasting away for Rapunzels' profanities Calling up to the maiden, he'd beg her for more, She would start very gently, 'you son of a whore;

Gob on your nob and jack off to this: My quim nuts are queefing - I'm off for a piss. Are you listening, prince, are you greasing your rudder?' He groaned with delight and an orgasmic shudder. 'Perite, perite, mentulam caco - 'Hey, Prince - I can do it in Latin, you know!' 'I love you Rapunzel, be with me always.' 'Hah! Potes meos suaviari clunes.' 'Dear gutter-mouthed maiden, I'm dying of love,' 'Fuck off, you sad twat' trilled the voice from above He tried climbing the tower in mad desperation And was taunted with words that inferred masturbation As he edged to her window, the prince held his breath But his feet lost their hold, and he plunged to his death. This story is true, to be perfectly blunt, You couldn't make stuff up like this, no you couldn't.

translation notes: Potes meos suaviari clunes - you can kiss my arse 'Perite - fuck off! mentulam caco - I shit on your prick

Copyright Amanda Lowe 2008

Comments System Prototype Version 1.0 by Mo

Poetry - Independents' Day 2008 By Del Abe Jones.

	Lately, not much to be proud of And it gets worse every year And if changes aren't made soon It just might be too late, I fear. We have those who lied to us To take us to war and worse Read more...

Poetry - A Little Ditty By Andrea Longstaff

	I think in the sink It's the only way to drink The bars are too narrow and squat The hole in the wall somehow knew it all And next week I get myself shot My head went to bed Read more...

Poetry - Goldilocks And The Three Bares By Amanda Lowe

	Goldilocks had a problem with way too much fanny hair; It was long and unruly and sported out everywhere, Venturing southwards from the sides of her underwear. Being naked with men was something she didn't dare. She's gone to the beauty parlour to ask if they Could neaten her pubes that were wild and astray. Read more...

Poetry - Three British Bankers By Anonymous.

	Three British bankers sat upon a wall along came a policeman and they began to call Hey Mr Policeman Hey Mr Cop Read more...

Poetry - A Conversation with a Chav By Gary Johnson.

	Does the pope wear a big hat? Does a bird shit in the woods? Was the earth once really flat? Do Audbreys sell dodgy goods? Why is there life on Bransholme When there ain't no life on mars? Why are pumps still called sandshoes When there is no beach for miles? Read more...

Poetry - Black Dog By Laura Fry

	My whole life has been plagued by this black dog I found my prince after So many frogs But then I thought there must be something greater Home grass is so much greener, I found out later I was so wrong I found myself a slave to sin and drink Read more...

Poetry - Come On You 'Ull By Mike Watts
	Statistics claim my city sucks And in 'Crap Towns' and other books They say - poverty and slum have tied the knot And we're all wild on drink and pot, And teenage girls with STD's Push their buggies in two's and three's, Past feral gangs tooled-up and hooded Read more...

Poetry - Junction 19 By Beth Mcgann.

	From under the table he can see half-shoes and a jacket. Sometimes he feels grubby but can never seem to get clean. He is busy twisting all his bad thoughts into little knots of paper. In the kitchen someone is weighing things on the scales. He lives in a house full of cupboards. Read More

Poetry - Paranoid Conspiracy Theory Nursery Rhyme By Joe Hakim

The dolphins leapt over the pyramid, and there's a secret base on the moon, and the giant lizards laughed to see such fun, and the Roswell crash    Read more...

Poetry - Wheel of Misfortune By Mike Watts
	He went mad again And blew his brick Like the brainless prick He's turning out to be, It's the roulette you see, Her tight little gash Keeps swallowing cash Read more...

Poetry - the end-of-waiting room By Beth Mcgann.

	i don't really give a fuck about anything. does it show? i must be belly-white by now, running my finger around the edges of my cell. i make geometry. when the dirt comes it holds my palms together and forces little code-words out of the pores. no mathematics. Read More

Poetry - Rock, Paper, Scissors and You and Me By Holly Roach

	I'm rock and you're scissors And I'll bludgeon you to death with boredom Once again tonight. I'm paper and you're rock, I'll smother you too tight That you can't break free. I'm paper and you're scissors, Read more...

Poetry - Mimic By Katherine Horrex

	My arms are folded. Glancing at you I catch you quick-glancing at I, and a moment later your arms become folded. It's like a dance for the reflective Read more...

Poetry - Somewhere in Mind By Mike Watts
	This place has a crystal river A shimmering snake of colour Drizzling through a landscape Of emerald and sapphire, Framed and hung the thousand times That I've closed my eyes To see it. Read more...

Poetry - Another Shite Poem By The Criminally Awful Michelle Dee
	A bed too far A taxi too soon Remember to note down The name of that tune Send a message to An electric friend Read more...

Poetry - Poetry Is... By Joe Hakim

Some people ask: What is poetry? Is it about metre rhyme stanzas    Read more...

Poetry - Hey! You! or: Recommended reading: ever tried reading your bookcase sideways at three in the morning after an afternoon drinking bacardi and coke (if not maybe you should)?.

	hey che where are you today? your primark t-shirt passed my way no logo brain-dead! branded cripple-handed Read more...

Poetry - Those Indie Chicks By Joe Hakim

With your asymmetrical haircuts bleached almost white, gonna have it large tonight, drink and flirt in your pencil thin skirts and funky little tops from the vintage clothes shops,    Read more...

Poetry - Fucking Jeremy Kyle (what you don't see in Tesco's).

	the thompsons are not quite in their right minds as if they had spent a long time in the hospital, their horse-high ambition destined for the knackers she with the birds nest hair tuts into the living room Read More

Poetry - The Lesson By Joe Hakim

There's a lesson to be learnt, even if I don't know what it is. I'm at a friend's house and I'm checking my e-mail and there it is: a poetry organisation has nominated me for    Read more...