The Underdogs Of War-Games By Patrick Henry

Eight groups in The World Cup, imagine the worst in each to win Through to The Quarters, The Semis, or The Final Game. From defence to attack they might spring up surprising. What have these minnow nations got going for them? Talk of red cards, Paraguay once lost five million men In their big 3-Nations War, facing Brazil. Uruguay and Argentine. A border shoot-out of genocide proportion. In sudden-death Cup shoot-outs they never survive Round One.

One Paraguay fan had heart-valve replacement miracle With a pig's ear and a bull's testicle. Para's surgeons like their goal-keepers have lots to learn. Animal Rights Protest that these parts must return. Ivory Coast once called the Slave Coast had Blacks sold off their shore, Quicker than Arsenal deals now by the score. Ivory Coast they thought up a clean new name until Green Animal Rights came back in on the elephant kill. Australia could boomerang back if Rolf Harris put them in the frame And gets his chipmunk teeth and chatter into our funny old game. They've whacked us Poms in rugger, cricket, tennis and binge-drinking. We transported them in chains twelve-thousand miles but they came back to win.

Togo could sound dyslectic for a Roman costume party, Or a sign on a take-away, hot-dogs to go. Ecuador means Equator, so they can stand the heat In the kitchen 'til Germany chops them to mincemeat. Iran plan for The Final a nuclear attack formation, Four-three-two-one to a penalty shoot-out countdown, Shaking The USA in its paltry strategy. In this glory game no time-out is taken, no cheerleaders cry.

Saudi Arabia's team are great for the Footballers' Wives programme, Having so many troubles and strife between them. Any missing goal-strikes or penalties get hands and legs chopped off there. The bull that lost its cojones went down - such a dark corrida. Will England crush the Brazil nuts to grab The Cup once more? In a pig's ear, pal, they will. In a bull's testicle, my dear.

Copyright ©2006  Patrick Henry

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