Sleaze Queens - Inside Story, Outside World at Dukes March 3rd 05. (2/4) By Michelle Dee

(1/4), (2/4), (3/4), (4/4)

Last year Sparkly and Sultry did a Sleaze Queens tour in London. It didn't go quite as imagined; they ran out of money almost as soon as they got to the capital, and soon after got stranded in Shoreditch. Having been recently lost in Golders Green myself, I sympathize with them greatly. A kookie girlfriend informed me, that if you plan to go out and about in London, you should always carry a smutty novel with you, especially on the underground.

To this day I'm not sure as to what purpose this serves, but I have done as she said nonetheless. Perhaps if you appear bookish the weirdoes and junkies leave you alone.

The girls had been to see The Others, The Paddingtons, Thee Unstrung, and Agent Blue, and then were invited back to a party at some guy's apartment. Apparently he spent the whole time telling his guests to keep the noise down because he was afraid of what the neighbours would think. They left the party in the wee small hours and decided unwisely that they could walk home.

Having tried to walk from Hampstead Heath back to the far side of Brixton last May I have developed a strong belief that you should never attempt to walk further than two miles from the nearest underground when in our fair capital.

Most people know that the London Underground, runs the length and breadth of the city. You go to the station, get in a noisy carriage, whiz around far below the streets then pop up in some different place. When you wish to return, you go back in the rickety carriage under the surface and pop up again where you started.

Having never seen any of the places or prominent landmarks along the way. Therefore, to navigate your way around London over ground is virtually impossible for us foreigners. And, as I found to my alarm quite a lot of Londoners too.

The girls walked to Hackney and eventually admitted defeat and hailed a cab. Another problem arose to occupy them, the cab fare. Sat with their eyes glued to the meter in the front of the cab they watched the pounds rise at breakneck speed. Thankfully they got back to Dunston and their hotel, just before the necessity to do a runner became an issue.

One night, the girls had partied in true rock n roll style with, Tequilas in London shot glasses, lemon and salt. The next night they had run out of lemons so they decided to use pineapple chunks instead. Salt and pineapple tastes horrible Mel recalls with a shudder.

After finishing their slightly distasteful drinks they were waylaid by some gentlemen in the hotel foyer who invited them to the hotel Karaoke bar. The bubbly pair developed a bit of a fan club amongst the men folk there in and partied late in to the night. They had meant to go to a cinema but I suspect the lure of the spotlight soon changed their minds. The tour continued with the girls buying cheep chic sunglasses and turning heads wherever they went including the guards outside of Buckingham Palace. Seems that they too, can't get enough of the sleazy ones.

Continued ...next page

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