The Bitch Hikers Guide to The Fashionista Dance Troupe! (2/3) By Mr. B. Quiet

(1/3), (2/3), (3/3).

Once that crisis is over, they nipped down to their local swift store, to pick up their newly designed blazers (that the shop owner probably paid £1.50 for from a charity shop and flogs for £25 - profits? fucking extortion!), with a Ramones logo printed onto the back - despite the consumer not having a clue who The Ramones are (a bit like The XXXXX - add your own The... name, aren't they?)!

Is it me, or do these people have more money than sense? Answers printed onto the back of your blazer to the usual thisisull address. Having been lucky enough to have observed this mass hysteria by the kids who ten years ago would be attempting to strive for that Gallagher Manc swagger (I think there are some of you still out there actually), or passing yourself off as a mockney cockney, all in the name of all that was Camden and PARKLIFE!, they would have been kissing the arses of the likes of Menswe@r when they were the height of fashion for 2 minutes one rainy afternoon in the summer of '95!

Juts look at the list of bands clocking up the music charts and pages of the nations music press; The White Stripes, The Cribs, The Killers, The Yards, The Ravonettes, The Features, Libertines, The Rocks, The Pattern, The Hives, The Rakes, The Ordinary Boys, The Long Blondes, The Paddingtons, The Strokes, The Thrills, The Beatles, The Mass Histeria Hyped Fashionista Morris Dancing Coke Knitting Scuba Driving Club Lovers ... Ok, ok so I made the last one up. A prime example is the likes of The Others - apparently keeping it real and doing it for the poor kids. Wanted to do guerrilla gigs, constantly keeping in contact with fans, saying they know how it feels to be a fan - and what's so special about that? Who doesn't?

Having seen the band (having to pay, not one of the previously mentioned impro guerrilla gigs, that don't seem to happened anywhere outside of a certain area of famous land marks in that village, London) they didn't look to be playing to poor kids to me ... they could afford to get into the gig (and the wardrobe mentioned above!) to start with - a poor mans Sham 69 ... or rather a rich kids Sham 69 should I say!

I want them all one day to form one BIG THE ala Polyphonic Spree stylie band and be called THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE...WHAT FUCKING EVER! And with an echo of The Ramones, and a huge cry of All for one and THE for All, they all change there surnames to The.

In the same way, we see all these Solid Gold Hits of the 60's touring every theatre and city hall in the country. I can't wait till 2032, when Butlins in Skegness present A Trip back to The GarageDayz Explosion! So instead of 5th generation version of The Searchersand Gerry and the Pacemakers etc (all probably only featuring one member of the original band, it's usually the drummer!) we'll be at Butlins witnessing the likes of The Ordinary Boys, Babyshambles (minus Pete, but then again that's nothing new!), The Killers etc all sharing the bill with their middle-aged spread.

There are some positive aspects to this entire explosion. Yeah, it inspires people to get up and do something. I'ts fantastic that fellow Hulls' The Paddingtons cracked the top 20 with their single.

Continued...Next page

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