The Bitch Hikers Guide to The Fashionista Dance Troupe! (1/3) By Mr. B. Quiet

(1/3), (2/3), (3/3).

Yep, it's finally arrived! Hull's finally caught up with England's dream of alternative culture! Everyone buys their LP's by the nations favourite drug users from popular chain store supermarkets and spends £85 quid on a pair of designer jeans that have been ripped at the knees (Bros anyone?), before running off to Thony & Gay to pay another 50 quid to have 15 gallons of hairspray plastered into their scalp, to make 'em look as though they've just got outta bed after having a fight in the dark with The Cure's Robert Smith (and his make-up case) over who's gonna sleep on which side of the bed!

Then they top it off by saying they've been dressing down like this for years, when the dust hasn't even settled on their tracksuits, left hanging up in their wardrobes.

THE movement, explosion, garage, new wave, call it what you will, finally burrowed its way into our consumer worlds of music and fashion and all thanks to the wonderful and frightening world of the media. Some people are calling it Britpop mark 2, some say it's grunge for the already slack generation, punk for those of us that where too young to know what it was, and then there are some of us who just find it out and out boring!

And just for the record, I've got my converse trainers firmly planted in the latter camp!

The term in its heyday, indie, meant independent. Music was put out by the people that cared about it, the fans catering for fans. Simply for the love of what they heard. Key examples for the fixtures of music that was produced in the 80's from labels like 4AD (Pixies, Dead Can Dance, Breeder, Cocteau Twins, Birthday Party, Throwing Muses etc) - and let's not forget that the likes of Frank Black weren't exactly stick insect pretty poster boys!

Then there was Rough Trade (put out everyone from The Smiths, Sonic Youth to Jonathan Richman along to acts today like British Sea Power). The key obvious example of the state of independence was Factory Records, run my Manchester's' self-righteous Tony Wilson, which can be seen in the movie 24 Hour Party People, depicting that comical farce, behind the genius that was the likes of Joy Division and Happy Mondays ... god! Have you heard how shit the latest New Order record is? Anyway ... moving on ... It seems to have been a trend for a few years now (would you believe we are pushing 4/5 years since those Strokes chaps where actually cool for a fortnight), that if you are in a band, all you need to do is stick The in front of your band names, and you're laughing as the sheep come flocking.

Then turn to that month's latest copy of everyone's favourite fashion bible ... sorry I mean babble, The Face to check your mullet's in line with that months anorexic Rod The Mods model look-alikes, loosen your skinny tie, and that your jeans are ripped in the correct leg that day ... I mean it's so hard keeping up these days ... its left then right ... then left and then right and then all of a sudden your whole fashion world goes into turmoil when someone has 2 rips on the same drainpipe jeans, that you're not expecting!

Continued...Next page

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