Dating Nightmare Part 1 By Leah Scarpati

Part 1, Part 2.

Why is dating such a nightmare?! I must admit I haven't really been on that many successful dates; I've only had 2 long-term relationships and 3 half-arsed attempts at them that didn't last more than five minutes. So in between those I've been on enough dates to be suitably apprehensive about how they'll turn out. I've found that in my experience they go one of two ways:- 1. I really like the guy and he's completely indifferent and arrogant, which only makes me more interested and therefore chasing an absolute waste of time. Usually these guys are 'interested' for about as long as it takes to see if they'll get their leg over or not and as soon as they realise they'll have to invest time and effort i.e. the beginnings of a relationship - they run a mile.

Or 2. I'm completely indifferent and like the guy as nothing more than a friend, which makes him clingy and forward wanting a lot more than I'm prepared to give.

My most recent date, last week, was with an absolutely lovely guy. We met briefly in a club last weekend and after chatting for a while (somewhat drunkenly), swapped numbers. He was eager, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. For some reason I've gotten into the habit of writing off eager guys as psycho-stalkers who are needy and clingy, who don't know how to play it cool. (Code for, how to be the type I'd probably hanker after). So after meeting on Saturday night; he called early hours of Sunday morning, text Sunday daytime, called and text Monday, Tuesday and Thursday daytime. (We were due to go out on Thursday night).

He picked me up and we went for a few drinks down the recently über cool Princes Avenue. We got on well. Chatted all night, a few things in common, there was nothing weird about him. He was thoroughly pleasant. So what was wrong? Hmmm ... the only way I can describe it is as 'no butterflies'. No physical attraction, no nervous tension. In fact I felt perfectly at home with him and I think that was the problem. He was a perfect gentleman in every sense of the word, even offering to walk me the five feet from the car to my front door (obviously hankering for a doorstep snog but it wasn't going to happen). It felt such a shame to write off such a nice guy when judging from my past experience, I'm always wishing the guys I liked were 'nicer'.

Here was a guy that would ring when he said he would, would open doors, pull out chairs and I wasn't interested. I forewarned him that after being single for such a long time (which I won't disclose) I wasn't about to rush into anything quickly, by which time he enveloped me in a big sympathetic hug for having obviously having been badly hurt in the past and promising like a boy scout, he wouldn't fall into that category.

Then started his sales patter: - If I'd give him (i.e. us) a try, he'd take it slow, he wouldn't hurt me, he'd give me space etc. Now by this point, I was slowly (or just mentally) backing my way to the front door, reaching for my key, smiling politely, thanking him for a lovely evening ... putting the date down to experience and wondering if I could actually be bothered to go on another one.

I could do with feedback on this one: - is it just me? Am I looking for something that's not there? The butterflies, the tummy flips? Am I being unrealistic? My Mum says I'm too picky, that they haven't made one for me yet. My theory is that it's unfair to waste someone's time and play with their emotions if I'm really not 100% interested in them from the start. I couldn't kiss someone, unless I wanted to. I mean, swapping saliva and all the bacteria it contains is bad enough, but to do it with someone whose facial twitches turns you off? Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying I haven't been there at ten to 2 with my beer goggles on (but that's a whole different blog!).

If it were me, I'd want someone to be upfront straight away and tell me if they liked me or not. (I wish some of them had been so clear cut about it in the past).

But then I was chatting to a friend at work the other day who turned my theory on its head. She said that when she met her husband, she didn't want anything to do with him; she avoided his calls, only went out with him when she had nothing better to do (and told him so) and begged her parents to lie for her every time he called. The only saving grace in this scenario was his persistence. He kept coming back for more and their relationship only took a turn for the better, or her attitude to their relationship to be exact (she had in fact been in a relationship, albeit reluctantly) was when he took her to Blackpool for the weekend on Valentine's Day and she saw a different side to his personality.

In her words, 'He developed a backbone and by the time we came back, I was smitten!'

A friend of a friend is also currently dating a guy she wouldn't normally fancy; they've been out once and are chatting and texting all the time, it turns out she really does like him and they are officially 'seeing each other'; the second date's this coming week. What's that all about? Now I'm thoroughly perplexed. The lovely guy, bless him, hasn't been in touch, but then I still don't want him to either. But should I not be so quick to write someone off as a 'potential'? There's nothing more awful than being the 'dumper' or the 'dumpee', so why do we do it?

Human beings are such optimistic creatures; we keep putting ourselves through the awful uncertainty and nervousness of the dating scene. Personally I'm sick of finding something wrong with all these guys, who really are for the most part - lovely.

I kind of de-humanise them the day after by giving them nicknanes; Pineapple-head, Psycho'insert name here', He Who Shall Not Be Named, Shrimpd**k, Hamster face, Washing Machine Man; you get the picture. For the most part, my disastrous love life's been nothing more than hilarious tales to entertain my work colleagues the next day. (The psycho one went down well, whose favourite film was American Psycho ... Especially the scene when he chases the naked prostitute down the stairs and threw the chainsaw at her back!!) - No joke.

I tell myself I'm not really looking for a bloke, I'm too busy, with work, Uni, the gym, my friends etc. But who am I kidding?! I suppose for those of you out there who are still Friends fanatics, I suppose I'm looking for my 'lobster' ...

Continued Part 2.

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