Why is dating such a nightmare?! I must admit I haven't really been on that many successful dates; I've only had 2 long-term relationships and 3 half-arsed attempts at them that didn't last more than five minutes. So in between those I've been on enough dates to be suitably apprehensive about how they'll turn out. I've found that in my experience they go one of two ways:-
1. I really like the guy and he's completely indifferent and arrogant, which only makes me more interested and therefore chasing an absolute waste of time. Usually these guys are 'interested' for about as long as it takes to see if they'll get their leg over or not and as soon as they realise they'll have to invest time and effort i.e. the beginnings of a relationship - they run a mile.
2. I'm completely indifferent and like the guy as nothing more than a friend, which makes him clingy and forward wanting a lot more than I'm prepared to give.
My most recent date, last week, was with an absolutely lovely guy. We met briefly in a club last weekend and after chatting for a while (somewhat drunkenly), swapped numbers. He was eager, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. For some reason I've gotten into the habit of writing off eager guys as psycho-stalkers who are needy and clingy, who don't know how to play it cool. (Code for, how to be the type I'd probably hanker after).
So after meeting on Saturday night; he called early hours of Sunday morning, text Sunday daytime, called and text Monday, Tuesday and Thursday daytime. (We were due to go out on Thursday night).
He picked me up and we went for a few drinks down the recently über cool Princes Avenue. We got on well. Chatted all night, a few things in common, there was nothing weird about him. He was thoroughly pleasant. So what was wrong? Hmmm ... the only way I can describe it is as 'no butterflies'. No physical attraction, no nervous tension. In fact I felt perfectly at home with him and I think that was the problem.
He was a perfect gentleman in every sense of the word, even offering to walk me the five feet from the car to my front door (obviously hankering for a doorstep snog but it wasn't going to happen). It felt such a shame to write off such a nice guy when judging from my past experience, I'm always wishing the guys I liked were 'nicer'.
Here was a guy that would ring when he said he would, would open doors, pull out chairs and I wasn't interested. I forewarned him that after being single for such a long time (which I won't disclose) I wasn't about to rush into anything quickly, by which time he enveloped me in a big sympathetic hug for having obviously having been badly hurt in the past and promising like a boy scout, he wouldn't fall into that category.
Then started his sales patter: - If I'd give him (i.e. us) a try, he'd take it slow, he wouldn't hurt me, he'd give me space etc. Now by this point, I was slowly (or just mentally) backing my way to the front door, reaching for my key, smiling politely, thanking him for a lovely evening ... putting the date down to experience and wondering if I could actually be bothered to go on another one.
I could do with feedback on this one: - is it just me? Am I looking for something that's not there? The butterflies, the tummy flips? Am I being unrealistic? My Mum says I'm too picky, that they haven't made one for me yet. My theory is that it's unfair to waste someone's time and play with their emotions if I'm really not 100% interested in them from the start.
I couldn't kiss someone, unless I wanted to. I mean, swapping saliva and all the bacteria
it contains is bad enough, but to do it with someone whose facial twitches turns you off?
Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying I haven't been there at ten to
2 with my beer goggles on (but that's a whole different blog!).
If it were me, I'd want someone to be upfront straight away and tell me if they liked me or not. (I wish some of them had been so clear cut about it in the past).
But then I was chatting to a friend at work the other day who turned my theory on its head. She said that when she met her husband, she didn't want anything to do with him; she avoided his calls, only went out with him when she had nothing better to do (and told him so) and begged her parents to lie for her every time he called.
The only saving grace in this scenario was his persistence. He kept coming back for more
and their relationship only took a turn for the better, or her attitude to their
relationship to be exact (she had in fact been in a relationship, albeit reluctantly)
was when he took her to Blackpool for the weekend on Valentine's Day and
she saw a different side to his personality.
In her words, 'He developed a backbone and by the time we came back, I was smitten!'
A friend of a friend is also currently dating a guy she wouldn't normally fancy; they've been out once and are chatting and texting all the time, it turns out she really does like him and they are officially 'seeing each other'; the second date's this coming week.
What's that all about? Now I'm thoroughly perplexed. The lovely guy, bless him,
hasn't been in touch, but then I still don't want him to either.
But should I not be so quick to write someone off as a 'potential'?
There's nothing more awful than being the 'dumper' or the 'dumpee',
so why do we do it?
Human beings are such optimistic creatures; we keep putting ourselves through the awful uncertainty and nervousness of the dating scene.
Personally I'm sick of finding something wrong with all these guys, who really are for the most part - lovely.
I kind of de-humanise them the day after by giving them nicknanes; Pineapple-head, Psycho'insert name here', He Who Shall Not Be Named, Shrimpd**k, Hamster face, Washing Machine Man; you get the picture. For the most part, my disastrous love life's been nothing more than hilarious tales to entertain my work colleagues the next day.
(The psycho one went down well, whose favourite film was American Psycho ... Especially the scene when he chases the naked prostitute down the stairs and threw the chainsaw at her back!!) - No joke.
I tell myself I'm not really looking for a bloke, I'm too busy, with work, Uni,
the gym, my friends etc. But who am I kidding?! I suppose for those of you out
there who are still Friends fanatics, I suppose I'm looking for my 'lobster' ...
Opinions - USA Neocon Maniacs are at it again, duping the lying western media propaganda machine with lies by Mo.
US backed ( 1000 marines advising, commandos and mercenaries)forces of Georgia ( birthplace of Stalin), sneak attacked Russian Peace Keeping Troops Thursday evening killing thousands of civilians (Over 2000 civilians are reported killed
). Under distraction of Beijing Olympics, Dick Cheney may well be heading the Neocon maniacs into new war fronts setting up for another cold war, diverting media attention from the disastrous economic situation in the USA.
Opinions - Mary Poppins, I Ain't! By Leah Scarpati
I may sound like an old spinster woman but I'm convinced I can drum up a following on this one. I was at the gym tonight (trying to work out) and I'll admit, was bloody knackered by the time I got to the changing rooms.
I'd had a crap day at work and all I wanted to do was chill out. Cue - screaming kids in the changing room. So I decided to escape
Opinions - David Icke blows away 400 people at a Free Public Meeting on Sunday, July 6th By Mo
Believe him or not David Icke is one of very few people who can hold an audience in
the palm of his hand for many hours, well beyond the one and a half hours reported on the internet.
His three and a half hour talk enthralled the audience with revelations beyond the scheming
Big Brother drones in the Tory and Labour parties to the fact that Neocons' behind the
Big Brother State
Opinions - The BBC Dipping into Youtube for Viewers By Mo UPDATED BBC's BBC Phil Hayton Denies All knowlege
The British Broadcasting Corporation, which is usually known simply as the
BBC, is the world's largest broadcasting corporation. It has 28,000 employees
in the United Kingdom alone and an annual budget of more than £4 billion.
Founded on 18 October 1922 as the British Broadcasting Company Ltd, it was
subsequently granted a Royal Charter and
Opinions - Response to The BBC Dipping into YouTube for Viewers By Martin Deane
Fire away Mo! Seconds out, round two.
I actually have a soft spot for the Beeb but no, it's not my unrequited love for Neighbours or the Archers. Forgive me for lumping them together, apparently they're different despite hugely annoying theme tunes, but you may not know where I'm coming from yet.
This is despite not having a TV licence which is how the BBC funds itself
Opinions - Lies And War Crimes By Michelle Dee
The words "weapons of mass destruction" were noticeably absent from the
speech by George W. Bush on the fifth anniversary of the Iraq invasion.
The apocalyptic rhetoric used to firstly motivate the political will
then move the might of the military forces was replaced by talk of
regime change and removing Saddam Hussein from power.
It is illegal to go to war in order to
Opinions - Censored By D R Callaghan
A few minutes ago I used the readers comments facility in the online Hull Daily Mail
to comment on the main story about the killing of Simon Murden.
Ironic is it not? that the police are unable to crack down on the alcohol-fuelled
yobs terrorising families, shopkeepers and the elderly, yet when faced with a
young man who needs medical attention they can pump six bullets into him
Opinions - The Sexuality of the 9/11 Attacks By Christopher Skolik
The Pentagon is itself a potent symbol of manhood and military virility.
It goes without saying that was an act of violent homoerotic self extinction and assault-as if the terrorists could not survive such an act of homoerotic penetration, their out dated belief system and self ideation would not allow it-no matter how metaphorical the act. Only the unification of sex and death could breach that gap.
Opinions - Iraq War Theme Park By Christopher Skolik
War seems to be a human necessity, a requirement on some basic level.
To counteract the dangers of random disorganised war springing up I suggest
we turn Iraq into a fully functioning war zone theme park -all the benefits
of paint balling but with the relief of tension that only live ammunition and
Opinions - Notes Toward a Chavology By Christopher Skolik
The local Hull 'chav' lad needs profiling and placing in his rightful context.
Fiercely proud of his 'thickness'- intelligence is not to be trusted, it might unleash all kinds of awful weirdness upon his world, a world he clings to with the whitened knuckles of the drowning man, the perennial cry of 'Don't get clever with me' echoes across council estates of the north ...
Opinions - Maureen Lipman at Pave By Sean
Just saw Maureen Lipman at a reading at the Pave.
It took two attempts to gain entrance. At the first attempt i was turned away on the grounds that it was a private function - apparently i didn't look 'Avenues' enough. I'm Avenues enough to have my taxes pay for it, mind.
I just got in in time to catch a couple of 'anecdotes' which mocked the poverty of working
Opinions - All At Sea Or Way Out West? (Orwellian Nightmare Or Whitehall Farce?) By D R Callaghan
Admiral Sir Alan West wants us to 'snitch' on our neighbours, friends and even on our own family. Who's he? I hear you ask. He's none other than the Government's new 'Security Minister'.
Isn't it comforting to know that we now have a 'Security Minister' (Big Brother?) looking after our 'way of life'?
The former First Sea Lord also warned that Britain faces a 15-year battle
Opinions - Candle In The Wind By Jim Higo
Who'd want to be a Bosnian landmine victim? Terrible injuries, lost limbs, scarred for life and then to cap it all, when you thought it couldn't get any worse, you get a visit from Princess Diana.
Just when it seemed your life had reached its absolute nadir, you see her coming at you with those big eyes, like a spaced out Desert Orchid.
Opinions - Depart For New Earth By David Sloan
Depart for new earth AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Professor Stephen Hawking said recently that for the human race to survive we must gain a foothold on another planet, and as if by divine intervention our astronomers soon found another earth-like planet in the heavens.
It has a mass five times that of earth and is probably made of the same sort of rock with
Opinions - Trees Are Bastards By Sally Satan
Now amidst all the current chatter of climate change inevitably being a Bad Thing, the still small voice of calm must be heard.
How many people do you know who have died recently as a direct result of climate change?
And yet we go on, beating ourselves up for being human and not animal or mineral, and for ruining the planet. But we should
Opinions - The Reception of Wisdom By Kenton Hall
There is a story that I tell. I likely tell it far too often and one of these days, a friend or family member is going to sneak up behind me and garrotte me with a length of fishing line.
No, it's not the one about that. Or that one, either.
Now that I think about it, there are many stories that I tell too often.
However, the story I am referring to today recalls the moment
Opinions - Divided We Fall By Lee Cassanell
"The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular
representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them" Karl Marx
So Tony Blair's pledge to end poverty has taken a kick in the teeth after the news that 300,000 (or 200,000 or 100,000 depending on which paper or website you read) more children have slipped below the line.
Opinions - Real Men Do Not Need Real Doll.com By Jo Allison
At age 12, little girls and boys should put Barbie and Ken back to sleep safely in their plastic boxes, as adults move on from pretend friends, to actual ones.
But for a select group of scary cyborg-lovers who prefer plastic to flesh, life size Real Dolls made from 100% silicone are the next step up from Barbie dolls. They make the perfect playmates, so I'm told.
But who exactly
Opinions - Goody, Goody, Yum, Yum - Racism and Jade Goody By Lee Cassanell
We all decry prejudice, yet are all prejudiced; Herbert Spencer
The problem with racism is there is currently no well known or vicious enough word that another race can use to discriminate against white people.
In fact during an extensive search of the internet the only even mildly offensive term I could find was
"Honky" and if you are white and offended
Opinions - In Response To Fiona Carr's Hands On Our Arts By Esther Windsor
I am writing in response to Fiona Carr's recent article Hands On Our Arts in
the Opinions section of thisisull.com :
to say that Hull Time Based Arts is alive and well.
In the article discussing funding of art and cultural services in Hull she says
'We have seen the collapse of Hull Art Lab, we saw Hull Time Based ArtsRead more...
Opinions - In Response to The Mental Alchemist's Save Our Free School Meals
Mental Alchemist shows an unerring ability to turn gold into lead with the mixture of inaccuracy,
sloppy thinking, and basic political illiteracy.
To start at the most basic there is not a Liberal Party Cabinet on Hull City Council.
Indeed, despite all the treachery and re-branding exercises, there is not even a Liberal on the Council.
Opinions - Hands On Our Arts By Fiona Carr
ThisisUll has good arts coverage and a clear interest in the vibrancy of the cultural scene,
even if it seems a bit indie/ethnic leaning.
It may well be that nobody is interested in the Art galleries and museums, or the
City Hall/New Theatre though there was a time events were featured on these pages around 2004.
However it is astonishing not one
Opinions - In support of Jack 'Last' Straw By Pablo Luis Gonzàlez
I watched in disbelief as people walked around dressed in a most shameful and
obscene diversity of clothes:
A young woman in faded blue jeans, brown boots and low cut yellow top.
A man in a dark blue suit and tie.
A woman wearing the niqab.
A young woman in dark blue jeans, green jacket and sporting a disdainful smile.
A man in a dark suit and red tie.
Opinions - Response to Michelle Dee's Gigging in Hull By Darren Bunting Music HQ
I enjoyed your article on thisisull about the local bands / promoters / scene at the moment and as a musician and promoter I agreed with 99% of what you said. The only thing I would argue/add would be that there are some promoters and venues who do try and make the effort for the artists (my gigs being one I hope LOL)
where acts get
Opinions - Response to Michelle Dee's Gigging in Hull By Dj Mak
In response to my good friend Michelle Dee's
Gigging In Hull
piece on ThisisUll.com
I thought it be right for me to explain the stance and ethos of The Sesh at
The Linnet & Lark on Princes Ave.
The night was started nearly four years ago - 4th Birthday Celebrations in
October -and was set up by myself with the help of Martin Knight of
The FavoursRead more...