An Ordinary Blokes Blog (1/2) By Gary Clark Written at 5am after another sleepless night.

(1/2), (2/2).

Why am I worried at my age in life? I've been quite successful so far, for an Endike lad. I say that because nothing much was expected of us when were turfed out of school at 15 with a limited education under our belts. Although we did not realise it at the time, until it was too late. You see we were all in the same boat. No-one knew any better, that's what we did; suffered the boringness of a Secondary school education, then followed our older brother's footsteps. Usually onto a building site, or into a factory, some went to sea; the swats usually went into 'an office'.

But in almost every case we did what our fathers did. Which is why our older brothers did what they did and we, my generation, followed on. Like sheep. Sheep off a conveyor belt. I'm 55. I don't want to be but the alternative is not very attractive and even less appealing. I tried early retirement, but quickly grew tired of it. Besides, I always thought you received a pension of some sort when you retired. Not at 55 you don't. Unless you're a policeman, or a civil servant. Don't talk to me about MPs or councillors. I'd paid into a pension scheme for 40 years.

I know that's not a long time, ironically, in fact I had four separate private plans, once.

The 'financial adviser' who sold me them said it was a good idea at the time. I haven't seen him for five years, or my pension payments, which will bring me the princely sum of £3.50 per week, which is taxable, when I'm 65. I have one that I could cash in. It's worth a grand total of £38, after tax. I might do that and book in table in Lounge for my tea. Be nice that, after 40 years. So I'm back at work. Although even 'work' isn't what it used to be. No-one would employ me after being self employed for over twenty years, so I went back to what I know (I blame it on that Endike education) and, er, went back self employed. I stand a market stall now. I have two actually. And my youngest daughter of 22 has one too, alongside me.

It was a bright new shiny venture, with promises of great things, alongside fellow traders, all eager and willing to bring this 'exciting' new shopping experience to the cosmopolitan people of Hull. They are 'cosmopolitan' on Newland Avenue because I saw it the Hull Daily Mail. That's how the builders running the place described it to us when we paid our deposits and committed ourselves to this bright new world of retail. Only it's not new at all, or very bright and like a lot of things in life, when you're 55, the packaging is more appealing than the content. In fact it's fucking crap.

It's nearly 6am now and very soon now I will begin my slow walk to 'work'. To think I missed the routine of this when I tried retiring for those twelve short months. I must have been mad. Or did those sadistic old teachers at Endike really do a good job on us and brainwash us all to trudge to work day in' day out, until we pop our clogs? They must have been government employees, which I suppose they were in a way. They did a good job on me. Otherwise why am I riddled with guilt when I have no work to go too? Its Endike's fault! So 'work' for me now involves gambling all my spare cash buying products from warehouses a days drive away from Hull, displaying them, and hoping someone will come along and buy them off me at a profit. Easy, isn't it?

Continued...Next page (2/2)

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