There is a story that I tell. I likely tell it far too often and one of these days, a friend or family member is going to sneak up behind me and garrotte me with a length of fishing line.
No, it's not the one about that. Or that one, either.
Now that I think about it, there are many stories that I tell too often.
However, the story I am referring to today recalls the moment I stopped reading "Q" magazine, shortly followed by all music journalism.
I must warn you ahead of time, in order for this story to make any sense, I am going to have to slag off Coldplay.
I know many of you love Coldplay. I understand that Coldplay have guided you through your darkest hours, and I know that you probably had your first orgasm to the closing bars of "Clocks" after years of believing that you were incapable of such an eruption.
I know your acne cleared up; I know the tumour vanished.
Nonetheless, from a lyricist's point of view, Chris Martin is the Devil.
It's not minimalist, it's not sacrificing depth to the aural wash.
His lyrics are appalling and if I have ever cried during a Coldplay record, it
has been from exasperation.
Also, you can sing Yellow to any one of their tracks, even the one they nicked off Kraftwerk. Try it. My point is proved.
All of that is my personal opinion. A well-informed and, quite frankly, correct opinion, but still only an opinion.
In Q magazine's review of "X & Y", several paragraphs were devoted to the fact that Mr. Martin's lyrics were at best "trite" and, at worst, well, let's just say the review married to my opinion with as much success as Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.
The review gave the album five out of five stars.
The lyrics were shit, but it was still a five-star album.
Now, I admit there are good records in which the lyrics don't live up to the music, and vice versa. But it is a failing. And, frankly, as we're talking about "SONGS" here....
song (n) - a short metrical composition intended or adapted for singing, esp. one in rhymed stanzas; a lyric; a ballad.
... frankly the lyrics are rather important. (If you're writing a piece of music where the meaning is purely in the music, then don't screw it up with awful fucking lyrics.)
But apparently, Coldplay's utter lack of ability or craft in 50% of the art of song writing didn't matter a jot to this particular reviewer, nor to many of his ilk. I can't read music magazines anymore. They make me far too angry. And if I wanted to spend £3.75 working myself into a fit of rage, I'd call my mother long-distance.
But this has become the status quo. "Who listens to the lyrics?" they say to me. "But it has a catchy tune!" they squeal. "Ow! You've broken my nose!" they proclaim.
"The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular
representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them" Karl Marx
So Tony Blair's pledge to end poverty has taken a kick in the teeth after the news that 300,000 (or 200,000 or 100,000 depending on which paper or website you read) more children have slipped below the line.
Opinions - Real Men Do Not Need Real Doll.com By Jo Allison
At age 12, little girls and boys should put Barbie and Ken back to sleep safely in their plastic boxes, as adults move on from pretend friends, to actual ones.
But for a select group of scary cyborg-lovers who prefer plastic to flesh, life size Real Dolls made from 100% silicone are the next step up from Barbie dolls. They make the perfect playmates, so I'm told.
But who exactly
Opinions - Goody, Goody, Yum, Yum - Racism and Jade Goody By Lee Cassanell
We all decry prejudice, yet are all prejudiced; Herbert Spencer
The problem with racism is there is currently no well known or vicious enough word that another race can use to discriminate against white people.
In fact during an extensive search of the internet the only even mildly offensive term I could find was
"Honky" and if you are white and offended
Opinions - In Response To Fiona Carr's Hands On Our Arts By Esther Windsor
I am writing in response to Fiona Carr's recent article Hands On Our Arts in
the Opinions section of thisisull.com :
to say that Hull Time Based Arts is alive and well.
In the article discussing funding of art and cultural services in Hull she says
'We have seen the collapse of Hull Art Lab, we saw Hull Time Based ArtsRead more...
Opinions - In Response to The Mental Alchemist's Save Our Free School Meals
Mental Alchemist shows an unerring ability to turn gold into lead with the mixture of inaccuracy,
sloppy thinking, and basic political illiteracy.
To start at the most basic there is not a Liberal Party Cabinet on Hull City Council.
Indeed, despite all the treachery and re-branding exercises, there is not even a Liberal on the Council.
Opinions - Hands On Our Arts By Fiona Carr
ThisisUll has good arts coverage and a clear interest in the vibrancy of the cultural scene,
even if it seems a bit indie/ethnic leaning.
It may well be that nobody is interested in the Art galleries and museums, or the
City Hall/New Theatre though there was a time events were featured on these pages around 2004.
However it is astonishing not one
Opinions - In support of Jack 'Last' Straw By Pablo Luis Gonzàlez
I watched in disbelief as people walked around dressed in a most shameful and
obscene diversity of clothes:
A young woman in faded blue jeans, brown boots and low cut yellow top.
A man in a dark blue suit and tie.
A woman wearing the niqab.
A young woman in dark blue jeans, green jacket and sporting a disdainful smile.
A man in a dark suit and red tie.
Opinions - Response to Michelle Dee's Gigging in Hull By Darren Bunting Music HQ
I enjoyed your article on thisisull about the local bands / promoters / scene at the moment and as a musician and promoter I agreed with 99% of what you said. The only thing I would argue/add would be that there are some promoters and venues who do try and make the effort for the artists (my gigs being one I hope LOL)
where acts get
Opinions - Response to Michelle Dee's Gigging in Hull By Dj Mak
In response to my good friend Michelle Dee's
Gigging In Hull
piece on ThisisUll.com
I thought it be right for me to explain the stance and ethos of The Sesh at
The Linnet & Lark on Princes Ave.
The night was started nearly four years ago - 4th Birthday Celebrations in
October -and was set up by myself with the help of Martin Knight of
The FavoursRead more...
Opinions - Gigging in Hull By Michelle Dee
First up, I think that bands should limit themselves as to how many local gigs they play.
Who is going to pay pounds to see a band at Adelphi or Piper when you can see them at the
Sesh for free?
Some of the bands are limiting themselves to only playing two or three local gigs a month which makes sense.
Don't forget the old adage; absence Read more...
Opinions - Response To Michelle Dee's Review Of Phonic Voices At Urban Artz Festival By Paul Rush
I just read your review of Phonic Voices at the Urban Arts Festival:
'Today it came in the form of Nicky a didgeridoo player from Phonic Voices
music collective, with a uniquely special sound.
It was a moment not to dissimilar to the one in the town of Hamlyn when a
certain piper enticed all the rodents away, from the town.
Nicky began to play her instrument
Opinions - Things Can Only Get Bitter By David Sloan
I'm sick to death of listening to people moaning about New Labour. They've only recently been voted in for a third term in office with a large credible majority. So just what do people want? Yes, things have got better under New Labour. If you're a burglar, mugger, paedophile, illegal immigrant, rapist or terrorist, things have definitely got better.
Under New Labour,
Opinions - It's Only A Game By Dave F
Question - What do you call an Englishman in a World Cup Final???
Answer - Referee.
Like most people in the country, I'm asking myself why...
Why didn't we get through to the final?
Why didn't Sven take better strikers?
Actually, I'm asking myself why the England team turn to jelly at the mention of the word
Penalty, and why we have to listen to excuses like
Opinions - Save Our Free School Meals By The Mental Alchemist
Q. What do you get if you cross neo-liberal economic policy with a liberal party city council?
A. No bloody change and the end of free school meals in Hull.
I sat in stunned belief whilst watching Look North today, as it was announced that Hull City Council have put a price on the health and wellbeing of all our children, and it's less than £4 million.
It actually cost the council a
Opinions - Response To The Grim Reaper's Article By Chris Wolds
Hello thisisull team,
I have just finished reading the piece written by the Grim Reaper titled
Response To Arts Council Article.
I read with interest what was there, just as I did the original article and the follow-ups.
It puzzles me that these other comments have been published and those persons responsible for
them have had their opinions aired.
I have always seen this site as
Opinions - Money, School and Red-Tape: Education for Kids in Hull By Margaret Ryan
Education in Hull is changing. Almost a third of our secondary schools are being demolished.
Nearly £200m is to be invested in new schools.
So let us not mince our words - the Building Schools for the Future (BSF) project proclaims that
this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to drive reform of the secondary system and improvements in educational
Opinions - Response To Arts Council Article By The Grim Reaper
We can guess it's a guy that wrote the anonymous letter regarding Lou Duffy Howard receiving
money from the Arts Council for the Grassroots festival.
As a matter of fact Duffy Howard and 'Full Flava' David Okwesia set up the Grassroots
thing and we all work together in making it happen to benefit the local community.
So to whoever wrote the letter I would just like to say
Opinions - Fickle Voters By Mark Pollard
I watched a TV programme the other night about the seemingly endless, unaccounted and under-investigated murder of scores of young women by street gangs in Guatemala. As a father of three girls myself it was heart-breaking stuff that made me thankful to live in the UK; the 'scandal' of John Prescott shagging his secretary hardly seems to matter by comparison.