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Last Updated: 06/04/2005 11:20:04
Just an idea...!
By Rich Mills
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Blue Children... Or should I say, children of any colour you want.
How about red, white and blue children? Rainbow coloured children?
Burberry children?
They are already talking about being able to choose the sex of your child, I
want to choose its colour.
And I don't just want to be limited to the current muted tones of milk-bottle
white, beiges, browns and insipid pinks. I WANT A BLUE CHILD!
I want it to be that vivid electric blue, like Krishna the Hindu god.
In fact I want to go that one step further than that and have a six armed child
and an elephant headed child.
I want a whole set of Hindu gods for children.
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Imagine when they are out and about.
Someone shouts across the road, Hey you kid!
If you're the feckin' godhead, whose ya dad then?!
Little boy blue Kris points behind himself, The scruffy sod in the faded and beer
stained punk T-shirt. Would you credit it?!
Here's me and my many million brother and sister gods, and we get
some old-git from 'ull as a dad.
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Meanwhile Vishnu turns out to be a notorious local scally, putting his many armed
skills to good use as a prolific shop-lifter.
Ganesha ends up checking himself into a detox-clinic, as part of his trying to
beat his addiction to currant buns.
Then we have the issue of the multi-coloured rainbow children of the world,
entering into that great big melting-pot.
Generations of brightly coloured people breeding will probably mean we'll end up
with a world of mixed-up plasticine coloured people.
Anyway, it was just an idea.
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Humour - Top 10 Self-Help Books of All Time By A Nonny Mouse
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Men are from Another Planet, so Send the Bastards Back by Germaine Greer.
Tough polemic as usual from the high priestess of minge politics..in this essay, Ms Greer
expounds her latest theory - that all men originated from the distant planet Penus,
Read more...
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Humour - Unofficial Quotes - What they might have said.. By Darren Sant
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Well I did shout Duck! - J.F.K's Presidential Bodyguard.
I thought it was mayonnaise - Monica Lewinski's Housekeeper.
It's a hotbed of lies, intrigue and goat sex -
Steve Interesting Davies on his upcoming biography.
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Humour - The Sims By Darren Sant
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For anyone over 40 or those living on Venus there is a computer game phenomenon known as the Sims. In these games, which attempt to simulate real life, you have almost god like control over every aspect of the characters lives. You can design
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Humour - Merchant Bankers By Darren Sant
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Where do I start? I was enjoying a lovely Saturday afternoon snooze, as you do, and the phone started ringing. Having worked in an office for years it is second nature for me to answer a ringing phone. I roused myself from sleep and tiredly picked up the phone.
I was greeted by a chirpy chinless wonder who
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Humour - Just an idea..! By Rich Mills
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Flash Funerals: The idea for 'flash funerals' is that I personally do not wish to have a great fuss made when I finally shuffle off this mortal coil.
So the concept of Flash Funerals is that your friends, relatives, and anyone else whose mobile phone number or email address you have, is sent a message.
This message would
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Humour - Ghostly Moans By Darren Sant
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It isn't easy being a ghost. We are the only supernatural entity without a union.
Anaemic vampires are well looked after in their retirement. Werewolves with mange get reduced vets bills. I mean for god's sake even Banshee's with laryngitis get given free strepsils.
What do we have? Bloody ectoplasm. Have you any idea how hard it is to shift ectoplasm from
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Humour - Horoscopes - We look into your stars..and give you the bad news By Darren Sant
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Aquarius 21 Jan - 19 Feb: This month mercury is entering Uranus. Seek immediate medical attention.
Pisces 20 Feb - 20 Mar: Now might be a good time to write your last will and testament.
Aries 21 Mar - 20 Apr: Mars is dominant in your sign this month. If you happen to spot Beagle please let NASA know.
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Humour - News from 'Ull Part 2 - The Scandal of Hull's Illegal Scrap Dealers
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It emerged today that several Hull individuals have been arrested for possessing illegal scrap, with intent to supply.
But we're not talking scrap of the metal variety - it's the elusive but strangely irresistible bits of batter that collect in the bottom of the fryer in chip shops all over Hull.
Yes - 'scraps'. Until recently, scraps were the staple diet of many poor people in Hull, being the cheapest item
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Humour - News from 'Ull Part 1 - New Test for Asylum Seekers
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It emerged recently that the government is making new asylum seekers pass a Britishness test before being granted asylum.
The immigration forces in Hull have come up with their own agenda - making them pass a test on 'ullness, to see if they have the potential to become fully fledged citizens of the planet 'ull.
Applicants have to answer the following questions :
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Humour - Good Diet Conclusion
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Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
2. The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heartattacks than the British or Americans.
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Humour - Valentine Special...Odd Couples by Jane Foster
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As the old saying goes, opposites attract. Love can blossom between unlikely individuals. Love can cross boundaries of age, culture, distance..even extreme political ideologies.
Let me show you our gallery of some of these couples.. people who have found true, everlasting love, despite cultural and political barriers, despite the prejudices and reactions of others.
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Humour - Is it All Over for the Personal Ads? by Jane Foster
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At one time, joining a dating agency or putting a personal ad in the paper was seen as the mark of desperation.
If anyone did do it, they seldom admitted it - unless they actually ended up meeting someone and staying with them. Then the details of how they met might leak out slowly..
But technology has changed the way people meet and interact, and one of the most common pastimes is..
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Humour - When You Think About IT ...
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At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft..
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