News from 'Ull Part 1 - New Test for Asylum Seekers

It emerged recently that the government is making new asylum seekers pass a Britishness test before being granted asylum. The immigration forces in Hull have come up with their own agenda - making them pass a test on 'ullness, to see if they have the potential to become fully fledged citizens of the planet 'ull. Applicants have to answer the following questions :

1 Can you bool a tansad down a tenfoot? 2 Can you stuff a whole pattie in your mouth and still say 'er ner'? 3 Can you turn round and say something at the same time? 4 Can you order arf a lager 'n' larm whilst making a fern curl? 5 Have you ever been out with a girl called Tracy?

If they answer Yes to all these questions, they are guaranteed entry. Those who fail the test however, can still become 100% Hull blokes by forgetting everything they ever learned at school, getting their neck tattooed and taking a short course in football hooliganism.

The course is very simple - they mainly have to learn that the word England has three syllables, not two (as in the Oxford dictionary). The only other words they will have to learn are football, tits and beer. This will see them well sorted! For details of this course, contact Gary the Chelsea Headhunter on 07008 657239.

Humour - Good Diet Conclusion

Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. 2. The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. 3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heartattacks than the British or Americans. Read more...

Humour - Valentine Special...Odd Couples by Jane Foster

	As the old saying goes, opposites attract. Love can blossom between unlikely individuals. Love can cross boundaries of age, culture, distance..even extreme political ideologies. Let me show you our gallery of some of these couples.. people who have found true, everlasting love, despite cultural and political barriers, despite the prejudices and reactions of others. Read more...

Humour - Is it All Over for the Personal Ads? by Jane Foster

	At one time, joining a dating agency or putting a personal ad in the paper was seen as the mark of desperation. If anyone did do it, they seldom admitted it - unless they actually ended up meeting someone and staying with them. Then the details of how they met might leak out slowly.. But technology has changed the way people meet and interact, and one of the most common pastimes is.. Read more...

Humour - When You Think About IT ...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft.. Read more...

Aircraft and Airshows - Aircraft Stamps By Tony

By popular request, the ballroom dancer is back! I've been urged by email and phone to give you more aircraft stamps from around the world. So here is a selection of my favourites which I hope will whet your appetites. I'm hoping that other philatelists will come forward and show us what stamps they are collecting. Read more...

Music Reviews - The Landau's - Sweet But True (single/ DAGALOST Records) By Steve Rudd
	Hull's something of a hotbed for cool indie-rock bands, and The Landau's - along with Still Life - are one of the freshest bands forging ahead within such a musical genre. An exclusively laddish quartet, this is the young band's first major release, and has been recorded at the city's famous Fairview Studios. The production qualities are fantastic, Read more...

Music Reviews - Pave - Linnet and Lark 05 February 2004 by Nick Quantrill
	2004 hasn't been the greatest years so far. It kicked off more than adequately in the Old Town Square of Prague but went rapidly down hill from there. Returning home I battled unsuccessfully against tonsillitis for a couple of weeks before slipping on the ice and breaking two fingers! Almost recovered, I decided to unleash myself upon Hull once again. The return of 'The Sesh' at Linnet and Lark seemed as good any place... Read more...

Aircraft and Airshows - The Yorkshire Airshow - Elvington 2003 By Tony

What a pleasure to be here for 2 days (24th - 25th August)! We were fully entertained with a diverse mix of aircraft. Both days of the flying program opened with the superb Red Arrows. Unfortunately, on the first day they had to abort their display for safety reasons when three light aircraft strayed in to the six mile display zone. Without doubt there must be an investigation into this misdemeanour and culprits brought to book. Read more...

Articles - Our Telephone Pole By Mo

	Poking my head out of the window I asked "Can I take some pictures for the website?". "No problem came the reply" from Alan the team leader looking up from the base of the pole. Another story lands in my lap I thought, as I unloaded the battery charger and slipped the first rechargeable into our 150 quid Minolta digital camera. Read more...

Holidays - Ibiza, The World Keeps Gurning By Andi
	Ibiza has long been known as the clubbing capital of the world. However, recent years have seen the development of resorts such as Ayai Nappa in Cyprus and Faliraki in Rhodes. This has lead to a fairly wide-spread belief that Ibiza is dying it's death. Read more...

Holidays - Al's Trip To Croatia By Allen Miles
	£649 is a lot of money in most people's eyes. And to spend that much money on seven days away when you're only earning £130 a week might be in a very real way considered lunacy. However, I decided to go for three reasons; Read more...