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The Humber Mouth |
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The Humber Mouth 2004 The Blockheads
Hull Truck Theatre Tuesday June 22nd
Mark
By Morgan Sproxton
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continued from..
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Jenna - So He-Man. What did happen to Teela?
He-Man - Well it's a funny thing Jenna. I was on my way to rescue her when I bumped into Betty Boop. We got talking, one thing led to another and we ended up going back to her place for a bit of slap and tickle. By the time I'd zipped up and got to Trap Jaws lair, Teela had already escaped.
Jenna - Betty Boop! Wow, I've not seen her for years, what's she up to nowadays, still acting I guess?
He-Man - Indeed, she's in a new short play called 'Dark' by someone called Morton Harkett. I promised her I'd review it if I got the chance.
Jenna - Sound's good. Is she still tending bar at Lukes?
He-Man - No she's got a new job at a place called Shave which I can only assume is some kind of beauty salon.
Jenna - I've not heard of it.
He-Man - No, neither have I, but according to Betty they do a mean Blackened chicken.
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Vodka Knickers
By Darren Gallagher
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Orla (Belinda Lazenby), Debs (Louisa Hutchinson) and Pete (Lee Green) are three friends who visit an Island that reignites memories of long lost loves and deep dark secrets, with puzzling consequences
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Jenna - Can you see my nipples through this blouse?
Jesus - Yes
He-Man - You can indeed
Jenna - Good!
He-Man - So what did we think of Vodka Knickers?
Jesus - I thought Kelly Hardy was very good
Jenna - Will you shut up about bloody Kelly Hardy, I'm sick of hearing about her.
He-Man - Who's Kelly Hardy?
Jenna - The F*****g Betty Boop impersonator!
He-Man -Was she in this one?
Jesus - Yes, she played the dead Lesbian.
He-Man - The one behind the screen who only appeared in silhouette?
Jesus - That's her. I was particularly impressed by that trick. It reminded me of my day's in Galilee when I used to do the old walking on water routine. It was all done with mirrors you know.
Jenna - I thought that was a miracle.
Jesus - It was a miracle they believed it.
He-Man - Didn't you used to have a backing band called the Miracles?
Jesus - Indeed I did He-Man. Jesus and the Miracles. We toured the social clubs of northern England in early 64 and became really popular within the Yorkshire mining community.
Jenna - Any Hit's?
Jesus - Someone threw an ashtray at me once.
Jenna - No, I mean Chart Hit's
Jesus - Sadly not, but a track off our second album, 'Matthew, Mark, Luke and Funk' was recently sampled by Fat boy Slim
Jenna - Really?!
Jesus - No, not really.
He-Man - So what happened to the band?
Jesus - Well, when I was in prison they decided to ditch me and go on the road with Smokey Robinson.
He-Man - Why were you in prison?
Jesus - I was caught having sex with a minor.
Jenna - Wow, you paedophilic prophet you.
Jesus - Ha, no sorry, I meant I was caught having sex with a miner.
He-Man - I was unaware that having sex with a miner is a criminal offence.
Jesus - It is if the miners fifteen.
Jenna - Eh?
He-Man - Very puzzling indeed
Jesus - Speaking of puzzling, let's get back to Vodka Knickers.
Jenna - Has anyone ever actually drank Vodka through a pair of knickers?
Jesus - I once drank a white Russian out of a condom
Jenna - Was it nice?
Jesus - Not really. It was kind of thick and tasted of chestnuts
He-Man - Can we continue please?
Jesus - Fire away
Jenna - The acting was fine but the story was a little bit unbelievable.
He-Man - I wouldn't go as far as to say it was unbelievable, silly maybe.
Jesus - That's a bit harsh.
He-Man - Well I'm sorry but I just didn't like it.
Jesus - Explain
He-Man - I can't
Jesus - Why not?
He-Man - Because I don't like to upset people.
Jesus - But you're a reviewer, it's your job to upset people.
He-Man - Yes I know. That's the part of the job I hate.
Jesus - The reviewing?
He-Man - Yes
Jesus - So let me get this right. The part of the job of reviewing you hate is the reviewing itself.
He-Man - Yes
Jesus - You're an idiot
He-Man - I know
Jenna - Belinda Lazenby reminded me of a cross between Pauline Collins and Julie Walters. She'd play Shirley Valentine or Rita very well I think.
Jesus - I agree. I reckon she loves a bit of Willy
He-Man - Willy?
Jesus - Willy Russell, he's a playwright.
He-Man - Oh right.
Jenna - I'm a big Willy Fan myself.
He-Man - The playwright?
Jenna - Him too.
Jesus- So what are we going to give Vodka knickers?
He-Man - A flat five I'm afraid
Jesus - Jenna?
Jenna - Five it is JC
Jesus - Right, well, I guess that's it.
Jenna - It was a struggle but we got their in the end
He-Man - What now?
Jesus - I quite fancy a beer
He-Man - Sounds good to me. Where shall we go?
Jenna - How about Pave?
Jesus - Its 3 o Clock in the morning, all the pubs are closed.
He-Man - Damn
Jenna - I've got a bottle of vodka in my hotel room. We could go back there for a drink then you can both take it in turns to have sex me.
Jesus -I'm game for a bit of that action.
He-Man - I can't see why not.
Jenna - Well what are we waiting for, let's get going.
Jesus - Jenna?
Jenna - Yes Jesus
Jesus - I have a little request to make
Jenna - and what's that?
Jesus - You know when you get back to the hotel room
Jenna - Yes
Jesus - I was wondering if you'd mind dressing up like Kelly Hardy for me.
Jenna - Well..
He-Man - No, not Kelly Hardy, Betty Boop!
Jenna - I'll see what I can do boy's.
I'll see what I can Boop Boopy do
THE END
I'd like to congratulate all the Actors, writers, directors, stagehands etc for a job well done.
The reason why I didn't analyse the plays in any great depth is because I firmly believe that at the end of the day it doesn't really matter what I say. Although I've seen a fair few productions in my life, I'm by no means an expert and any attempts by myself to pretend otherwise would undoubtedly make me look silly.
The play's that I saw were fresh and exciting and as far as I'm concerned the more people we have in the city writing, acting and doing Arty things in general, the better the city will become.
Until next time then
Adios
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Reviews, Theatre - Be My Baby at The Hull Truck Theatre Saturday 12th June By Cilla
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I'm not a regular theatre goer. Not at all. It's like a different world to me. And frankly in
the past I'd say that overall I felt disappointment and (perhaps imagined) exclusion from that
scene. My sister could appreciate it, enjoy it even but I always thought of myself as not
the type to go
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Diary of Events - The Humber Mouth 2004
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Complete listings of the Humber Mouth 2004 Festival 19th June to 4th July.
Many events are FREE so take advantage of what Hull has on offer for you..
and send in your reviews for publishing on thisisUll.com.
Read more...
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Check out thisisUll.com reviews from Humber Mouth 2003 below.
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Previews - Doctor in the House? Russell T. Davies
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By Maggie Hannan
'I grew up watching Doctor Who, hiding behind the sofa like so many others. He's had a good rest and now it's time to bring him back. The new series will be fun, exciting, contemporary and scary...' So says Russell T. Davies, famous for the controversial Queer as Folk, and Second Coming starring Christopher Ecclestone.
Read more...
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Previews - Michael Gray: Bob Dylan poetry of the Blues
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By Lee Cassanell
On Saturday morning I had the pleasure of interviewing Michael Gray, one of the world's leading Bob Dylan Experts.
It was quite an exciting moment for me, being a Dylan fan and all, and I suppose if I'd not had the mother of all hangovers due to the previous evenings merriment, I would have been more nervous then I was.
Read more...
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Poetry - For those who lay dying.
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by Lee Cassanell
Sign me up
I'm off to war
I want to kill and fight
Please drop me on that desert floor
Let me join the side of right
Read more...
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