The Blockheads New Writing Festival by Lee Cassanell Hull Truck Theatre Tuesday June 22nd Special Guest Reviewers

Jenna Jameson - Adult movie Starlet

Jesus Christ - The son of God ™

He-Man - Master of the Universe

Off Their Trolleys By Dave Windass

next page..

A pale faced prostitute (Louisa Hutchinson) is torn between a sexually deviant superstore manger (Lee Green) and a Sean Connery impersonating pimp (Robert Hudson), with hilarious consequences.

Jenna- This was my favourite, it was so..dirty. Jesus - It was a particularly unchristian affair He-Man - I must free the Sorceress from the evil clutches of Skeletor Jenna- He-man we are talking about the play you big handsome devil you. He-Man - Sorry Jenna but the liberation of Eternia must take precedence over this review. Jenna- Oh He-man you're so Gay. Jesus - The lady of loose morals is right He-Man, you are a little on the camp side of queer. He-Man - My sexual preferences are none of your business Jesus and I suggest you hold your tongue before I remove it from your meddling messiah mouth. Jesus - Don't threaten me you steroid soggy superhero, I'll beat you animated arse all the way to Snake Mountain and back! Jenna- We seem to have deviated from the point. Jesus - Well you'd know all about deviance wouldn't you Jenna- What are you implying Jesus? Jesus - I've seen your 'Adult movies' Ms Jameson and I must say I was disgusted by them. Especially Bible Bashers 2: Sweaty Psalms which I found particularly offensive He-Man - Is that the one with Nun the Cardinal and the bucket of Kippers? Jesus - No that's Bible Bashers 1: Transgender Genesis Jenna- Actually it's Bible Bashers 3: Randy Revelations but can we please stop all this nonsense and get on with reviewing the play He-Man- Yes let's get on with it. Jesus - Okay fine. I apologise for calling you a slut Jenna Jenna- You never called me a slut. Jesus - Well I apologise for thinking it. He-Man - Lee Green was excellent, he reminded me of a young Peter Sellers. Jenna - I agree, Peter Sellers with a touch of Steve Coogan. He-Man - And that girl Louisa Hutchinson played a very convincing prostitute Jesus - That's because she is a prostitute Jenna - No Jesus, she's a protestant you dyslexic deity you. Jesus - What's the difference? Jenna - Mmm, I'm not quite sure. He-Man - I thought it was a very brave piece. I admire writers who are not afraid to push the boundaries of good taste. Jenna - I liked that big burly Scotsman Robert Hudson. I'd like to smear him in Mayonnaise and lick him like a lollypop. Jesus - How Vulgar Jenna - What? Jesus - Not you Jenna I was just flicking through this magazine called 'Defiling Grandma' and it's exceptionally filthy. He-Man - It was very well written. Jesus - I've not gotten to the stories yet I'm still perusing the pictures He-Man - Not the porn mag the play! Jesus - Oh right, yes, it was excellent, great script, fabulous acting, interesting set. I haven't laughed so much since the Queen mothers Funeral. Jenna - Agreed. He-Man - Ditto Jesus - So Marks out of ten what do we give 'Off their Trolley' Jenna - I'll give it a big hard throbbing Nine He-Man - By the power of GraySkull I'll award the production a richly deserved eight and a half. Jesus - Has anyone got a tissue? I think I've just had an accident.

Mark By Morgan Sproxton

Mark (Karl Haynes) is a council estate ruffian who meets Oxford student Anna (Kelly Hardy) at a taxi stand, with tragic consequences.

Jesus - I love Kelly Hardy Jenna - Who's Kelly Hardy? Jesus - The one who played the dead girl Jenna - The Betty Boop look-alike? Jesus - That's the one. She's so pretty I'd crawl across broken glass just to snort Mayonnaise in her shadow. Jenna - Where's He-Man? Jesus - He sent me a text earlier, something about TrapJaw kidnapping Teela. Jenna - Oh right Jesus - I'm going to ask Kelly to marry me. Jenna - I don't think you're her type. I've heard she prefers the company of women if you know what I mean. Jesus - She's a Librarian?! Jenna - No she works behind the Bar in Pave Jesus - Pave! Isn't that the place where everyone stands around looking incredibly clean and pretentious? Jenna - The very same Jesus - I love it there. They do a mean blackened chicken. Jenna - I prefer the Moroccan lamb myself. He-Man - I'd rather spend an evening picking the crabs out of Beastmans pubic hair then go for a drink in that plastic posing pit. Jenna - He-Man you're back! How's Teela? He-Man - Dead I'm afraid. Jenna - Trap Jaw? He-Man - No it's just the way my trousers hang. Jenna - Ha-Ha He-Man - Ha-ha Jesus - My God, that jokes older then me. Jenna - So He-Man, what do you think of the play? He-Man - Which one? Jenna - Mark He-Man - I thought it was a good idea but a little unconvincing in places. Karl Haynes impressed me and the one who looks like Betty Boop was solid enough. Jenna - That's Kelly Hardy. Jesus has got a thing about her. Jesus - It's not a thing Jenna you two bit hoe you. It's love, real love, True love. I'm writing a poem declaring my undying lust for her as we speak. He-Man - A poem! Wow Jesus I'm impressed, what have you got so far? Jesus - Well, It's a little rough but.. Jenna - Mmm, I like it rough Jesus - Button it tart face I'm about to recite, ahem.. Ode to Kelly Kelly's an actor She acts in a play If I was a woman I'd wish I was gay She's a cutie A beauty And such a good looker I'm not sure if I want to frame her or.... Jesus - That's as far as I've got, what do you think? Jenna - Personally, and this coming straight from the heart, I thought it was absolutely terrible, criminal even. He-Man - Alas Jesus the heavy chested harlot speaks the truth, it was beyond lamentable. Jesus - You don't think she'll like it? Jenna - No He-Man - I expect not. Jesus -Bugger! Jenna - Maybe later. He-Man - Aren't we supposed to be reviewing a play? Jenna - Yes let's get on with it. Anyone got any comments? He-Man - It was a little rushed, I'd like to have seen the relationship between the two protagonists develop a little further. Jesus - I agree. It was a worthy effort but it lacked something. Jenna - I think it would work as a short film with a few tweaks here and there. I can see them at the Taxi stand opposite LA's at 4 o clock in the morning, the combination of Orange Street light and black shadows would definitely add to the atmosphere. He-Man - Okay then, what numerals will we be bestowing on the unlikely named Morgan Sproxtons 'Mark'. Jenna - I'll give it a big fat wet sloppy 6.5 Monsieur Jesus - Seven for the play and seven million for my future wife Kelly Hardy. Right, I'm going off to work on my poem, see you later suckers. He-Man - Farewell my friend. Jenna - Bye Jesus, stay holy.

The Blockheads New Writing Festival by Lee Cassanell continued..

check the www.thisisUll.com...... The Humber Mouth 2004 Homepage.

Reviews, Theatre - Be My Baby at The Hull Truck Theatre Saturday 12th June By Cilla
	I'm not a regular theatre goer. Not at all. It's like a different world to me. And frankly in the past I'd say that overall I felt disappointment and (perhaps imagined) exclusion from that scene. My sister could appreciate it, enjoy it even but I always thought of myself as not the type to go Read more...

Check out thisisUll.com reviews from Humber Mouth 2003 below.

Humber Mouth Interviews - Tony Petch: Vanishing Point By Nicholas Boldock
	Tony Petch could be regarded, in the nicest possible way, as an elder statesman of poetry in Hull. He's certainly been around for a while now (and I'm sure he won't mind me pointing that out) and has been published in innumerable anthologies and magazines over the years. It comes as a surprise to discover that Vanishing Point is his first solo collection. Read more...

Reviews Humber Mouth - An Audience with Joan Bakewell, Hull Truck theatre Monday 10th Nov By Steven Hall.
	Joan Bakewell is a wonderful speaker. That should come as no surprise really, she is one of the great pioneers of TV journalism and in her time she has interviewed everyone - from Margaret Thatcher all the way to Marcel Duchamp. But knowing that someone is a great speaker and actually hearing them speak are two different things. Bakewell's tone, delivery, her pauses and her pitch were all perfectly perfect. It was great just to listen to her voice. Read more...