The Blockheads New Writing Festival by by Jane Foster Hull Truck Theatre Thursday June 24th continued Special Guest Reviewers

Bernard Manning - Hilarious original Northern comedian

Tony Blair - The Prime Minister, not Lionel's brother you prancing thespians you

Thora Hird - Thoroughly nice old lady who's drop scones are the envy of, well.. other old ladies

ROADIES By Sean Weymes

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Four old school friends meet up for a reunion, with potentially violent consequences Bernard - Eeh, I liked this one. It's the best one so far. A right laugh. Four sound lads in it and none of 'em were poofy. Tony - Now Bernard, stop the homophobia. Bernard - What you on about? I'm not scared of bloody spiders! Thora - No, he means scared of going outside, don't you Tony? Aye, you poor lad. Some of my friends are housebound, they'll understand y'know. Bernard - Eeh stop rabbiting the pair of you. Let me tell you my opinion on this play. Tony - Oh go on then. Bernard - It was right good. Tony - Is that it? Bernard - Yeah. Tony - Good. Well for once I agree with your theories, Bernard. I thought it was excellent too. There were good characters in it, and realistic dialogue. The plot was good too, it unfolded at just the right pace, with twists and turns. And the tension was high - the fact that they were waiting for someone to arrive, but who never actually does. Thora - Yes, a bit like that famous play, the one with the two tramps, what's it called? Bernard - That sounds like Morecambe and Wise to me. Eeh, they were a great pair. Good clean comedy, not like that 'alternative' rubbish. It's full of smut and swearing. Tony - Not like your stuff then eh Bernard? I mean it's not offensive at all, is it? Bernard - Are you being sarcastic you twat? Thora - Now now lads, calm down. Everyone's allowed their opinion. Now, I hear you're performing here in Hull this week aren't you Bernard? A little dicky bird told me. Bernard - Well, the news is out. Yes, I have got a booking here later this week, somewhere on Princes Ave. What's it called again? Pavement or summat. Tony - Ah, you mean Pave! Hey, it's really cool there. I've heard all about their blackened chicken. Doesn't sound like one of your typical haunts, I must say though, Bernard. Bernard - Oh no ! You don't mean to tell me it's full of p- Thora - Hey now, let's talk about this play. Well it's a shame that bonny Kelly Hardy wasn't in it. My grandson Brian was disappointed. He did get her autograph in the end, though. Bernard - Yeah well he's probably barking up the wrong tree. She's probably a raving lezzer, knowing these bloody theatre types. Tony - Bernard, I cease to argue with you. It's obvious you know nothing about the theatre, or of this great institution known as Hull Truck, that specialises in plays about normal, good old working class folk. Their director John Gobber, now he's a great chap. I've seen quite a lot of his plays -, Rattlers, Pupils, Under 'n' Over, November in the Sun, to name a few. Bernard - All right you great know-it-all. We didn't get brought up to go to the theatre. We're I'm from, people would think you're a p- Thora - Well it's not like that any more you know. I saw lots of different types here the other night. There were young, old, ordinary, posh. And I hear that a lot of the writers are working-class folk too. Right nice that is. Tony - Yes, well it just goes to show that education- Bernard - Oh don't start on that one again, I've heard that bloody speech before. You ought to be an actor like that bloody Ronald Reagan was. Thora - God rest his soul. I bet he's up there now, having a right nice time pretending to be John Wayne. Tony - Well, to wrap up, guys, I'd say this theatre experience was an education. Bernard - Oh Christ stop repeating yourself. Yeah, it were good, I suppose. Don't think I'd tell me mates at the social club that I came here though. Tony - Why, they might think you're a thespian? Bernard - What you on about? I'm a bloke, you daft twat. Anyway I'm going. Nice meeting ya Tony. Say hiya to Prescott for me. Me dad used to feed his dad's pigeons when they went on holiday to Blackpool you know. Tony - Well well. Small world eh folks. Bye, Bernard. Keep up the homophobic ideologies, eh? Bernard - Er…yeah I will. Whatever that is. Thora - Ta-ra me loves. Ee, I'm sad to go y'know. I'll be back though, I hear there's something on soon called Talking Pussy. I think it must be one of my good friend Alan Bennett's little dos. Right looking forward to that, I am. Tony - Yes, sounds good. What a quality venue this is. It's the rock of the North. Bernard - Don't you mean cock? Thora - Hey Bernard, now who's being smutty? Behave ! THE END Postscript: We're sorry to say that Bernard Manning passed away shortly after this review. His death was a result of an unfortunate accident involving an angry PAVE audience and several platters of blackened chicken. His funeral took place yesterday in Manchester. It took the whole of the British National Party, all 3 members of the National Front, and Jim Davidson to carry his coffin. But then he always was a bit of a porker.

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