Gloomy Sunday (6/8) By Joe Hakim

(1/8), (2/8), (3/8), (4/8), (5/8), (6/8), (7/8), (8/8).

"So why all the lies? Why didn't the oil company just come clean about it?" "Come off it - it's about insurance, reputation. They don't want people thinkin' that it was some sort of scam, so they covered it up. They bought our silence and blamed it on a gas eruption." I sat there for a while, thinking it over. "You want another drink?" George shook his empty glass at me. I bought a double whiskey to try and steady myself and slammed it down at the bar, and then I took George his pint over.

I lit up another cigarette. After a while I said: "Do you want to know what I think? I think you're filling me full of shit. I think that you've seen too many episodes of The X-Files, you've seen the things in the paper about the whales and Mike's suicide, and you've made a connection. In fact, if I recall, there was an episode of The X-Files featuring an oil rig that had been taken over by aliens. Or maybe you've been watching that new series Invasion, where they all go into the water and come out different. I hate to disappoint you, but it's just a re-make of Invasion of the Body-Snatchers you know."

"You arrogant piece of shit," George said, shaking his head. "You think I get my kicks ringing up small-time journalists and making up mad conspiracy theories? Fuck you. Anyway, it doesn't matter what you believe. We disturbed summat done there. What I saw was just the beginnin'. All we can do now is wait and see what happens..." He knocked down his pint in a swift movement, and headed towards the door. Before walking out he turned around and said: "By the way, have you been having trouble sleeping lately, Ben, because that's how it starts. All those lads were having fucked-up dreams before they killed 'emselves. Or maybe I've just seen too many Freddie Kruger films as well."

I took some time off work. My head was a complete mess. My drinking and pill-popping had gathered momentum, and I was having difficulty concentrating on anything for long periods of time. I spent a lot of time in my flat, pacing up down, trying to avoid sleep. I couldn't stop looking at the picture of my sister. I tried to avoid thinking about her but all the stuff that was going on around me meant that she was at the forefront of my mind.

She was only twenty when she died; alone and far from home. It was a familiar story: young girl at university, in debt up to her eyeballs, working as waitress while trying to complete her degree. She never let on just how much pressure she was under, and just how much money she owed. She could have come to us, but then again, maybe we should have noticed. The police said it was a cry for help. My mother was never the same after it happened - it completely destroyed her, and my father left, unable to cope with the fall-out.

I just carried on working, refusing to allow myself time to think about it. Suicide decimates a family. Unlike an accident, or even a murder, there is no closure, no reason; no one or nothing to blame and point the finger at. It infects everyone who knew the person with guilt: we could have done this, we should have noticed that, but the truth is that if someone is determined to kill themselves, there's nothing that can be done to stop it. Once again, it was the phone that interrupted my brooding, and once again it was Craig from the office. He seemed to be out of breath. "Ben, Ben it's Craig, what the fuck are you doing?"

Continued...Next Page (7/8)

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