The M1 McDonalds Girl and the Most Suitable Bloke (2/7) By Andy Bilton

(1/7), (2/7), (3/7), (4/7), (5/7), (6/7), (7/7),

At Woodall Services I pull off ,and when I step in to the service station I feel the need to shield my eyes with my hand protecting them from the harshness of the white fluorescents, that are so much brighter than those they have in hospitals or Asda and other such character sterile places. I pass the arcade machines and the newsagent selling cans of Coke for twice the going rate, and I'm about to enter the McDonalds part when I remember I've left the mobile in the car.

I think about leaving it there but then remember the last time that Helen had to leave a message, how she had plagued me with questions as to my whereabouts when she had called and I hadn't answered until I had finally had to lie that I was in my hotel room taking a crap at the time. And how I had thought that it might be acceptable if I left the phone unattended whilst I emptied my bowels but that I would ensure that it didn't happen again, the leaving the phone bit that was, not the emptying of the bowels part. She had swallowed this at the time but I know it will not wash again so I splash out to the car and retrieve the phone and walk back to the restaurant, deciding that I'm already fucking soaked anyway, a bit more rain won't make much difference.

McDonalds is empty, in fact most of the service station is empty, barring one girl who is sitting in a corner by herself drinking a cup of tea. The staff are tossing it off, chatting amongst themselves. The girl with Stacey and three gold stars on her lapel badge telling the guy with Mike and no stars on his, how Alistair is a bastard and you really don't want to get on his shift because he lets the customers choose which toy they get with their Happy Meal, meaning you're always getting loads of complaints when you run out of the Hercules and Hades ones and the only choice that the kids are left with is fucking Pegasus.

I cough and Stacey three stars looks up sharply and says, "Yes." Just yes. And I feel like asking her what happened to 'good evening may I take your order please' but then decide I can't be bothered with it so I just say, "A coffee and a Big Mac." She checks the food dispenser and says, "Big Mac'll be five minutes."

I notice there's a cheeseburger in one of the slots so I say, "I'll have a cheeseburger instead." And she says, "Fine." And gives me the cheeseburger as it is, no tray or anything, and she doesn't put a lid on my coffee, just asks me if I want cream and sugar and I say, "No." I wait for my two pence change but there aren't any in the till she's working on and she has to get Steve four stars to open another till for her with his key and when she gives it to me I ignore the plastic donation tin that is chained to the counter and I slip the coin in to my pocket instead and say, "Thank you," and give her a big fuck off grin.

Continued...Next Page (3/7)

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