Sharon's Fashion Page

Yeah it's Sharon here, Sharon Saxby in fact, though with my special interest in jewellery I suppose I should be called Sharon Stone. That was a joke. Anyway. Here I am with my new exciting fashion page, featuring all the latest trends from our estate. I can guarantee you'll find something here that you wouldn't mind walking round Kwik Save in. And if you don't find anything you like, maybe your mam will.

To kick off, I'll be looking at jewellery cos I'm an expert on that you know. Jewellery's popular on any estate, and I know this cos I've got mates from estates even miles away. First up is something that's been real popular round here for ages - creole style earrings.

Now you might wonder about that name. No, it's nothing to do with that weird band in the 80's who had the Coconuts as backing singers. No, I can assure you that these little gems are totally up to date. I dunno why they call 'em creoles, in fact I didn't know they did till I looked at the Argos book just now. We just call 'em them hoop earrings with funny bits on round here. You see these in loads of shapes and sizes. They're that popular the Argos book has 5 whole pages devoted to them. If you don't believe me go now and turn to page 692.

There. Told ya.

Creoles are best worn at least 3 per ear (more if you can afford it, lucky bitch). Placed at exact intervals apart and getting gradually smaller up your earlobe, this makes you look well in fashion. And starting from only £2.99 a set, who can't afford it? The only bad thing though, as my mam told me, is that they can easily get pulled in a fight. So watch it next time you get in an argument at the till in Netto, with the cheeky cow that pushed in the queue.

This brings me to my next jewellery subject. One of the most important items if you want to be in on the scene round here - the sovereign ring. Unlike creole earrings, these rings can be an advantage in a fight. In fact, if you can afford one for each finger, they can be just as good as knuckledusters. The rule is: punch them before they grab your earrings. Some of my mates would say if you've got your creoles in, you could punch them first even if they've not started having a lot off. But I wouldn't cos I'm not that violent.

Except when I hit me bloke (Phil) with a cricket bat for chatting up the barmaid in the Horse & Cock. Yep, if you haven't got a sovereign ring round here you're good as dead. They're in the Argos book too, and Index, but they are a bit dear aren't they. If your dole money won't stretch to them though, I've heard from our Wayne that there's a ram raid coming up soon at one of the Argos shops - but keep it schtum, eh. Cos our Wayne's got a ring on every finger..lucky bastard.

Anyway. Enough of that. Let me tell you about the very latest jewellery item that we're all mad for round here. It's the Clown and Rag Doll necklaces. Now these might have been around for a while, I don't know, but just lately all me mates are gagging for 'em all of a sudden. I think it must be because they've got special parts that actually move. Some of them are even impregnated with real pubic zirconium. That lass in Heron's got at least 3 round her neck. Must be a right rich bitch. Anyway, I've got one of each of these 'cos I couldn't decide which one I liked best. Only I don't wear the rag doll necklace round our Chelly, me youngest, 'cos she might pull it off thinking it's a toy.

Which brings me to the important subject of bairns and jewellery. Now you should never let one of your bairns wear one of these necklaces unless they're at least 3 months old. That's because it can strangle them. And even older bairns, cos as we all know, they can choke on the small parts. I know this 'cos I read it on one of our Chelly's toys from the Pound shop. Apart from this, bairns and jewellery are all right, in my opinion. I mean, our Chelly's never complained about her belly button piercing. But then, she is only 4 months old.

Anyway that's all for now, I'm knackered, Big Brother's on, the kids are all screaming for burgers n shit and Phil wants to roger me with a pizza. Dirty bastard. See ya later..keep it clown. Shaz xxx

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