Every Thursday - CrackTown's Ablaze at The George, Land of Green Ginger By Eel Llenassac

CrackTown Open Mic - Every Thursday from 8.30pm at The George, Land of Green Ginger, Hull

FREE Admission Heed my words you salivating Dogs. Remove your battered, limp appendages from your salty, calloused fingers and close your hands together in prayer for the return of the f*cking bastard of all the beautiful bands in this pretty pot hole of a place ....

Cross your legs, grab your daughters and bow in grovelling homage to the chocolate covered, lemon sprinkled, subversive sexual Majesty of ...CrackTown! Yes folks ... CrackTown are Back ... a band as black and bold as their font suggests and still 100% gluten free. After spending the past few months spreading the good news of Scientology to the over privileged, tanned leg, rutting celebrity classes, the King Rat and Silver Fox have returned to these golden shores full of more piss and vinegar than the Pave House White, and rumours are rife they are clutching a fistful full of tunes so fiendish that Skeletor himself wept like John Lennon sucking on his mothers cold turkey upon hearing them.

I myself had the unholy pleasure of bathing in their Mephistophelian music at a secret soiree in a dank, rat invested alley off Ella Street and I freely admit that my latent bestial urges where aroused by their birch burning turn to such an extent that I spent the remainder of the evening lactating my lady-friends cat like some crazed, milk starved Ethiopian midget child.

For those of you yet to suckle at the tarry teat of CrackTown, I say you are in for a rare treat indeed, and just to prove that I'm not a lone disciple of this devilish church, behold a selection of quotes and superlatives by a bunch of camera-hogging whores whose words carry much more weight than mine.

I've haven't felt this violated since Colin Farrell penetrated me with Patrick Swayze. Britney Spears Laugh...I nearly died. Jesus Christ They went down like a Caretaker at Columbine. Charlton Heston They left me buggered, bruised and frothing at the lips. Paris Hilton I've not written anything that matches CrackTown since the days I was injecting my body weight in smack and bumming Marc Bolan daft. David Bowie

So there we have it a folks, a few wise words from our gods and betters. I shall now round off this tawdry tale to go try and score a wrap of high quality horse from some pasty sovereign-ringed wife beater, but before I depart I shall tells thee what establishment you should frequent if you want to be splashed in the chops by the protein rich Cream of the mighty CrackTown. Their eagerly awaited Second Album There Must and Shall be Midgets is due for release mid to late summer but if you want to catch them at their raw and uncompromising best before they explode onto the pages of every porn mag in the land...I urge you to note down the following information.

Thanks for reading, may God bless you and keep you. CrackTown Open Mic Every Thursday from 8.30pm at The George, Land of Green Ginger, Hull FREE Admission New and established acts welcome. Original material, covers and Nazi experimentation guaranteed.

Bring a guitar or bring yourself for a night of pure and unadulterated booze sodden entertainment.

Check the CrackTown Reviews on thisisUll.com Band Index (C)

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