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Last Updated: 14/03/2006 14:42:15
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Suzie's Social Conscience Part 3
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Part 1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6.
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Hi there good people.
Who is everyone talking about at the moment?
The Kosovans, of course. People are so mean about them, saying they're 'invading' our town. Now, I know there are loads of them, but is there any need to get that upset?
Personally I feel sorry for them. I can understand why they wanted to leave Kozavo.
For a start, I heard that their country smells.
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Then, even worse, that they can't even get a good reception for Sky TV there. Then, shock horror!! They don't even have toilet paper! Not even that horrid scratchy stuff that they had in common - sorry, state - schools in the 1970's! Ugh - poo-ey!! No wonder they left.
So, I have penned a special poem for the Kossavans, to show how much my conscience cares for them. Here it is.
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The Kosavans
I love the Kosovans
Because I'm not racist.
I love their black hair
And their little dark faces.
I love the Kosavans
With their skin so brown.
I always smile at them
When I walk through the town.
I love the Kosavans
But do they love me?
I've never asked them
So I don't know, you see.
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Anyway, that's it for now...I got caught a bit short because my friend
Amelietta has just told me there's a fabbo sale on at Gap.
So I'm off.... Byeee!!
Suzie xx
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Columns - Suzie's Social Conscience Part 1
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Hi there everyone!
I'm Suzie Horsington-cum-Scoff (yes I know that's a mouthful isn't it!)
And I'm here to dispense some wisdom for the next few weeks to you sweet local people.
(Ooh I so love local people - a shame that I had never met any until I visited Hull!)
Let me tell you about myself. I'm an Oxford Sociology graduate (for my sins!)
And my favourite hobby is
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Columns - Steve Regan - King Of Hull 14th February 2006.
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Valentine's Day brought an outpouring of affection and gifts to my door from
people who clearly like me and know what I like.
Oh, I got the usual twenty-or-so cards, some slushy, a few witty and at least
three positively obscene.
Hey, look, I am used to being an object of lust because of my uncanny
resemblance to Johnny Depp.
But this year I also received some lovely romantic gifts
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Columns - Those Old Playpenitentiary Blues by The Silver Fox
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Long time no see, www.catsandkittens.com; hell of a long time, come to think of it. Now, far be it from me to suggest that people who spend long enough on the Internet to pick over the detritus that litters the scrubby grass verges of this particular Information Super Lay-by don't lead full and busy lives - buying tat on Ebay, looking for dwarf porn
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Columns - Crazy Joe's News-Rant - Am I Right Wing or Left Wing? Part 2 By King Rat
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Given the choice between orally pleasing a great white shark and being the Falluja Avon lady,
I guess some man-eating fish is in for it.
As captain America's hillbilly conscripts tear at the bit to open up another operation of
blood fest on those happy zealots;
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Columns - Steve Regan: the King of Hull A New Year Message
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SO another new year is upon us and many will think there are not great grounds for feeling optimistic.
What with Iraq in flames, MRSA still ripping through UK hospitals, a pensions crisis and the property
market about to go into freefall, 21st century life hardly
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Columns - Crazy Joe's News-Rant - Am I Right Wing or Left Wing? By King Rat - Professional Yorkshireman
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So the evil Bush and his monkey legions have defeated Saint Kerry
and retain their unchallenged crown as supreme rulers of the universe. News just in,
Florida has voted Republican. The masses of Black Americans and Cuban spivs who were
denied electoral rights last time have let him off
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Against every humanitarian plea, against every civilised instinct, against reason and sense themselves,
they did it.
Ken Bigley is dead; a victim of a struggle about which he (like many of us)
neither wished to participate in nor particularly understood.
His headless corpse
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Columns - Tales from the Lonely Tavern - Final Edition By King Rat - Professional Yorkshireman
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As me 'n brother made way to ye olde town for weekend spree, we circumnavigated giant telly
yon Victoria square. Now thee been told that giant telly cost a pretty packet and sum of
English pounds. On slight sight of surrounding acres there was but one weather-beaten
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Columns - Here I Go Again, On The Moan By The Silver Fox
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Crikey, www.catsandkittens ; been a while, hasn't it? How things seem to have changed since
last we got together. I love what some of you have done with your hair, I must say,
and how long has that been there? No, no - it's nice, it really is ... you just don't
see many of them these days, that's
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Columns - Eel Llenassac presents Smokers Corner
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I somehow found my way to the bedroom last night where I was blessed with the presence of the
Sliver Fox, The Manchurian Candidate, Cowfish and Shindig (including their every reliable roadie,
Stevo Ravishing Rick Wraggs.
I had a nice good old-fashioned drunken
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Columns - Something Hot in a Cold Country - Part 2 By Jane Foster
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In my role at thisisUll.com I seem to have taken it upon myself to be the reporter,
nay, the spread-the-worder - of all things multicultural in the tiny crack of the
universe that is 'ull.
In using the word crack please
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Columns - Steve Regan: the King of Hull
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I wonder how Humberside police chief David Westwood is frittering away his time as he waits and waits to learn his fate after being suspended from duty pending the result of an inquiry.
I rather hope that he might use this enforced rest period to take up a hobby which he once used to practise with some enthusiasm.
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Columns - Tales from the Lonely Tavern - Edition Four By King Rat - Professional Yorkshireman
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How do kinsman and other lesser bein's (am only jestin' ya). August 1st on Sabbath was national Yorkshire day, by glad to say that thee rejoiced without limitations.
In one day thee crossed the boundaries of North, West and Eastern Yorkshire, walked the moors, a pint a' Theakstons and consumed a well cooked piece a' rump.
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Columns - Something Hot in a Cold Country - Part 1 By Jane Foster
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Well several hot spicy items have caught my attention these last few weeks.
First of all I hear that the great Imran Khan has divorced his wife Jemima.
Well let's face it, a name like Jemima is unforgivable at the best of times...to
me it will always be associated with a rather passive, second rate
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Columns - Tales from the Lonely Tavern - Edition Three By King Rat - Professional Yorkshireman
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Behold ye listeners of the righteous truth, for day has passed to night and yester folly has turned to moro's squander.
If rantin's of a non-commissioned exaggerator is what thou be wantin', then thou has arrived tat right place,
the lonely tavern.
Sanctuary, for all those of common purpose who refuse the outside
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Columns - I'd Like To Teach The World to Shut The Fuck Up By The Silver Fox
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What with Wimbledon, Euro 2004, Hell's Kitchen, Big Brother 5, and the recent healing of
the lesbian storyline on Emmerdale Farm, some of you may have noticed that
actual news has been a bit thin on the ground lately.
Oh, I'll admit that things have happened - it's not like the international movers and
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Columns - Tales from the Lonely Tavern - Edition Two By King Rat - Professional Yorkshireman
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Yet again tis what the government gave me, two score an eight hours of rest and unbridled caperings.
Thou find thee and company in the homely ambience of the lonely tavern.
Three men of little wit but a wisdom born of hard adventurin'.
Our chatterins aim not to preach but to teach.
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Columns - Poor Little Reich Kids By Silver Fox
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Much as it pains me to say it, this week has found me thinking that we may - as right-thinking
people (and if you're not a right-thinking person, what the hell are you doing hanging
around my information super-lay-by? Piss off over to www.you'vebeenstillborn.net where the
likes of you are better
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Columns - Ronald Reagan - An Apology By Silver Fox
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Let's not beat around the bush, www.catsandkittens; last week, some harsh words were said.
I - in an unprecedented and regrettable lapse - allowed my integrity and even-handed,
dispassionate analysis of Things As They Are to become compromised by personal opinion:
there, I've said it. I admit fully that
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Columns - Tales from the Lonely Tavern - Edition One By King Rat - Professional Yorkshireman
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Recently in the hallowed pages of thisisull.com a new columnist has sprung up, filling our heads
with home-grown opinions. This master of the pen is none other than the Silverfox, a man I have
many a doings with in CrackTown.
Now much as I respect the genius and
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