Ronald Reagan - An Apology continued By Silver Fox

continued from, Next Page

Whatever Happened To .. Kookily attractive Blue Peter presenter, Yvette Fielding..?

Keep Watching the Skies - Or See It All on TV and Save Yourself a Cricked Neck.

Despite being touted as an astonishing and miraculous occurrence, this week's Venus transit may well have left many of you feeling a bit short-changed. It wasn't really all that life-changing, was it? I say this, partly because it's true, but mostly to comfort those of you who may feel bad about having missed it. If you were one of those who felt even slightly contaminated by toff-cum-boffin Adam Hart-Davis' nigh-on rabid enthusiasm for the spectacle but couldn't quite make it, please; don't kick yourself.

Sure; it only comes around once every 122 years, but trust me: the sight of a small black spot moving in front of a big red spot is not worth sinking your life savings into cryogenics into in order to catch it next time around.

About the only people who had anything to get excited about over the whole business were those whom the short-lived 3D television craze had left lumbered with crates of unsold cardboard specs with translucent, coloured lenses. Indeed; as they hastily began scrawling Solar Viewer on their dusty stock and prepared to charge two quid a pop, I expect that their rapture will have almost exceeded dear old Adam's. For the rest of us though..

Not that it was entirely lacking in import though. Certainly, the juxtaposition of two of the solar system's more important heavenly bodies will have had far-reaching ramifications 'midst the stars. Now; Russell Grant may have remained oddly silent on the subject in his weekly Astrology column in TV Quick magazine, but The Silver Fox has been labouring diligently with astrolabe, orrery, and entrails (thanks to the neighbours' cat - condolences to the neighbours) in order to find out what this once in a lifetime event means to YOU.

Aries (21st March - 20th April) Disappointment comes this week when you tune in for a "special" edition of The Really Wild Show. It will deal exclusively with the fauna of Antarctica, and consequently, the radiant Michaela Strachan will be entirely swaddled in winter clothing. You'll see nowt.

Taurus (21st April - 21st May) Good fortune smiles upon travel this week, with trips to the cupboard for biscuits being particularly well-starred. Don't allow your usual tendency to mock those afflicted by Tourette's Syndrome to cause problems during the bar mitzvah of a business acquaintance's child. Gemini (22nd May - 21st June) You may have been feeling a little tired of late, due to a conflict between the Moon and your ruling house - apparently, he called it a cunt. You can overcome this temporary lethargy, however. Try self-hypnosis by staring at the whorls of your thumbprint and reciting an energising mantra. NB: use only the right thumb - the left will cause a phobic reaction to the works of Matisse.

Cancer (22nd June - 23rd July) Due to Venus' transit, your entire astrological chart has been transposed this week. To see what's what, consult Aquarius (21st January - 19th February).

Leo (24th July - 23rd August) Romantic prospects look superb for single Leos this week as things heat up on Venus. You may find yourself in Blockbuster, just reaching for a copy of Clash of the Titans, when another hand obstructs you as it attempts to pick up the same film. Turning to remonstrate with the other person, you will instead look into their eyes and see the fulfilment of all your hopes and dreams. Within that first, fleeting glance, time will stand still - past and future fusing into one sublime moment. You will see - just as surely as they will - yourselves laughingly describing this chance meeting to your gorgeous grandchildren in years to come. Happiness as yet undreamt-of is assured. You will still think that Clash of the Titans is awful though, and profoundly wonder why the fuck you rented it out again.

Virgo (24th August - 23rd September) Money matters will feature prominently for you this week, with your finances being inexplicably tied up with those of a lady from Stoke Poges whose thriftless attitude will fill you with a dull, insistent nausea. Confronting her head-on will only lead to trouble, so try a subtle approach - urinating on her topiary may work.

Libra (24th September - 23rd October) Despite extensive research, I have found nothing in the Stars about Librans this week. Perhaps it's because you have what is, without doubt, the dullest sign in the Zodiac? I don't want to make trouble, but I'm fairly sure I heard Ursa Minor sniggering something about scales? What's all that about then, eh? Try transferring to Pisces - we rock! Scorpio (24th October - 22nd November) This week will be marked out for you by the haunting scents of geometry. Not for you, the smells of summer - new-mown grass and the riotous summer flora - rather the oppressive nasal phantasms of rhombi and pi. This is due to your subconscious fear of your own towering ignorance about practically everything. Why not enrol on a Further Education course to sweep away the all-consuming mists of your tragic cretinism? If you don't have the time, perhaps a regular go at Bamboozle, the teletext general knowledge quiz on Channel Four, will do the trick.

Sagittarius (23rd November - 21st December) Home improvements are an area you may wish to concentrate upon in the upcoming week; the advent of Saturn in the tobacconist's of Mars indicates that your sense of colour will be absolutely unerring in the next seven days. If you leave it too long, however, your inspirations will fade to such a point that visitors to your newly-decorated home will actually be at risk of death through the enormity of their aesthetic revulsion.

Ronald Reagan - An Apology By Silver Fox continued..    Here

Columns - Tales from the Lonely Tavern - Edition One By King Rat - Professional Yorkshireman
	Recently in the hallowed pages of thisisull.com a new columnist has sprung up, filling our heads with home-grown opinions. This master of the pen is none other than the Silverfox, a man I have many a doings with in CrackTown. Now much as I respect the genius and Read more...

Columns - Steve Regan: the King of Hull
	There is panic throughout most of the state and voluntary-aided schools in Hull because so many pupils are simply out of control. A new report and survey chronicles the terrible situation in classrooms across this city. I'm sorry to say it is a picture which does not hold out a great deal of Read more...

Columns - Rupert, Ted and the Phantom Stink of Catpiss By Silver Fox
	According to a recent survey, Britain's international prestige has taken something of a knock of late. Foreign nationals either living in or visiting dear old Blighty have been asked what they think of www.mcunitedkingdom.com and many - and not all that varied - have been Read more...

Columns - The Buck Went Thataway By Silver Fox
	Firstly, I'd like to thank anyone who's pointed-and-clicked their way to my little information superhighway lay-by for a second time. It shows an entirely laudable spirit of forgiveness and optimism on your part; a spirit that you should be proud of and one that makes you very special indeed. To be honest, Read more...

Columns - Steve Regan: The Return of The King
	MY visit to Hull last weekend was a blast. I came, I hugged, I drank and I lost my mobile phone in The Piper. The phone's since been returned to me. A reporter from the Hull Daily Mail had picked it up accidentally and taken it home, thinking it was hers. Friday evening began with me slurping Read more...