Giving the Axis of Evil Another Spin (2/5) by The Silver Fox

(1/5), (2/5), (3/5), (4/5), (5/5).

Certainly, it would be nice to picture a bunch of shrewd, cynical old-timers who can smell a rat at fifty yards (even through a haze of cordite, C4, and burning flesh); grizzled pros in off-white linen suits mopping foreheads streaked with sweat dripping from the crowns of their battered Panama hats and cutting through bureaucratic crap with hard-nosed, journalistic know-how and innate good judgement. Sadly though, such people tend only to exist in the works of the late Graham Greene, and most of them would be too wrapped up in alcoholism and adultery to submit reliable copy to the News International Group anyway.

Instead, what we have is the sort of agenda-driven pinhead that spouts whatever is deemed politically expedient or profitable by whoever is responsible for signing their expense sheets. Which is why - despite there being nothing to support it but the word of (unnamed) "experts" - the Daily Mirror saw fit to blazon Al-Quaeda's name all over the front page, a claim that was dropped unobtrusively not soon afterwards. Well, it gets the punters going, doesn't it? Everyone knows that Osama bin Laden and his Merrie Muslims are the baddest boys in town, and you can't be too careful - sure, nobody's admitted responsibility, but what are those cave-skulking cunts going to do? Sue us?

Christ on crutches, cats and kittens; Al Quaeda have their faults, but I don't think that being overly-diffident numbers amongst them. It seems unlikely that had they stirred up such a bloody and world-shattering hornets' nest, they'd keep quiet about it, does it not? Unless, of course, Osama had received a new camcorder for Christmas and was still getting the hang of it:

OBL: Is it the battery, Mahood? MAHOOD: I don't think so, Your Excellency - the green light's on, look. OBL: Well, I don't know what's up with it. MAHOOD: Did you read the manual? OBL: It's all in Danish - I don't know what's what. Fuck! We need to post this video on the web by tea-time or the Taliban'll get in first! MAHOOD: I could try the Helpline again ... It'll be pretty busy, though.

OBL: What? Forty minutes of "Cat's In The Cradle"? Balls to that! Let me have a look at it again...Ah, this button looks like it might ... what's it doing now? MAHOOD: It's gone off. OBL: Jesus Christ! MAHOOD: Who? OBL: Nobody - forget it.

Continued ......next page (3/5)

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