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Columns
Eel Llenassac presents Smokers Corner (1/3) 1/3, 2/3, 3/3

I somehow found my way to the bedroom last night where I was blessed with the presence of the Sliver Fox, The Manchurian Candidate, Cowfish and Shindig (including their every reliable roadie, Stevo Ravishing Rick Wraggs. I had a nice good old-fashioned drunken night and I'm shocked and amazed how much I appreciate beer now that I've weaned myself off the Horse.

Please note:
Horse:
Street slang for Heroin. As in You c'unt sortus owt a bitta oarse cud yer Chief? Or I beat up me nanna and nicked er perse an' I yoused the coin to bye a can a sooper ana gram ov Oarse
For People who are into all things bizarre, check out the little old lady who dresses as a bumblebee in Princess Quay. Is it wrong to laugh at Pensioner bravely casts aside her pride and dignity to dress as a bumblebee for her chosen Charity?

Personally the first time I saw her I nearly chuckled myself to death but when she came my way a second time.. I appreciated it and decided that more costumed characters on the streets of Hull are a good idea so a mysterious backer and myself have decided fund and finance a team of crime fighting superhero's that after much deliberating we have decided to Call Team K-Com.

As Team K-Com will be policing the city from now on we thought it would be a good idea if you, the public had an opportunity to get to know your local Caped (preferably Burberry) Crusaders.
The Hessle Road Hardman

He's slept with this wife's mother's daughter and owns an array of pornographic material so barely legal it comes with a free bib and rattle. Tattooed from scalp to slippers with the names of all the relatives he's bedded, this Hessle Road Hell boy's too orangey for crows and it's just for him and his dog. Still, we shouldn't hold that against him as his own special brew of burglar bashing will be flooding the city streets sometime soon.
Cigarette of Choice: Rough Shag, then a baccy roll up
Message for the People of Hull: Lend us a Fiver
Super Power: Wife Beating
The Princess Ave Puff

With hair by Toni and Guy and a Love for Mcfly, this Queer Steer craves the taste of Rosé Wine and hard cock in equal measure. Famous for his dapper gear and friendly ear, he's a modern homo living in his own personal Sodom where I-Pods rule and queer is cool. He made the streets of Soho and Manchester a better place to drink and he swears that by the time he's finished with Hull there will be a Belgian Beer-selling café-bar on every street corner.
Cigarette of Choice: The Prinny Puff has been known to suck on a variety of Fags
Message for the People of Hull: Pink Sinkers Think Pink
Super Power: Throws Scissor Sisters CD's at unsuspecting baddies
The Pave bar Maid

She's got a tight ass but a wispy moustache when you see her under certain lights. This sultry senorita once aspired to live in Thailand but blew all her dollars on cocaine, chinese take-away and lip gloss. Renowned for her shitty service and unwillingness to smile, the Pave Bar Maid is a whore in the kitchen and a wizard in the bedroom, which is how she has earned herself the unlikely nickname of Wizard Whore.
Cigarette of Choice: A connoisseur..Marlboro Lights
Message for the People of Hull: Do you want fries with that?
Super Power: The Ability to collect store cards and blow retards
The Avenues Avengers

A five-piece crack unit of homosapien superiors ..The Avenues Avenger will dazzle the city with their unique brand of decadent debauchery.

Marlborough Man - He'll get you drunk but smoke your skunk .. Hero Rating: Danger mouse
Westbourne Women - She lives in shared houses and wears see thru blouses .. Hero Rating: Finger Mouse
The Park Avenue Pilgrim - He dry cleans his suits but still likes a toot .. Hero Rating: Mighty Mouse
Victor/Victoria Ave Girl - She shops in her sandshoes and sings Julie Andrews .. Hero Rating: Minnie Mouse
thisisUll.com Continued .. Next Page

Columns - Something Hot in a Cold Country - Part 2
By Jane Foster
In my role at thisisUll.com I seem to have taken it upon myself to be the reporter, nay, the spread-the-worder - of all things multicultural in the tiny crack of the universe that is 'ull. In using the word crack please Read more...

Columns - Steve Regan: the King of Hull
I wonder how Humberside police chief David Westwood is frittering away his time as he waits and waits to learn his fate after being suspended from duty pending the result of an inquiry. I rather hope that he might use this enforced rest period to take up a hobby which he once used to practise with some enthusiasm. Read more...

Columns - Tales from the Lonely Tavern - Edition Four
By King Rat - Professional Yorkshireman
How do kinsman and other lesser bein's (am only jestin' ya). August 1st on Sabbath was national Yorkshire day, by glad to say that thee rejoiced without limitations. In one day thee crossed the boundaries of North, West and Eastern Yorkshire, walked the moors, a pint a' Theakstons and consumed a well cooked piece a' rump. Read more...

Columns - Something Hot in a Cold Country - Part 1
By Jane Foster
Well several hot spicy items have caught my attention these last few weeks. First of all I hear that the great Imran Khan has divorced his wife Jemima. Well let's face it, a name like Jemima is unforgivable at the best of times...to me it will always be associated with a rather passive, second rate Read more...

Columns - Tales from the Lonely Tavern - Edition Three
By King Rat - Professional Yorkshireman
Behold ye listeners of the righteous truth, for day has passed to night and yester folly has turned to moro's squander. If rantin's of a non-commissioned exaggerator is what thou be wantin', then thou has arrived tat right place, the lonely tavern. Sanctuary, for all those of common purpose who refuse the outside Read more...

Columns - I'd Like To Teach The World to Shut The Fuck Up
By The Silver Fox
What with Wimbledon, Euro 2004, Hell's Kitchen, Big Brother 5, and the recent healing of the lesbian storyline on Emmerdale Farm, some of you may have noticed that actual news has been a bit thin on the ground lately. Oh, I'll admit that things have happened - it's not like the international movers and Read more...

Columns - Tales from the Lonely Tavern - Edition Two
By King Rat - Professional Yorkshireman
Yet again tis what the government gave me, two score an eight hours of rest and unbridled caperings. Thou find thee and company in the homely ambience of the lonely tavern. Three men of little wit but a wisdom born of hard adventurin'. Our chatterins aim not to preach but to teach. Read more...

Columns - Poor Little Reich Kids By Silver Fox
Much as it pains me to say it, this week has found me thinking that we may - as right-thinking people (and if you're not a right-thinking person, what the hell are you doing hanging around my information super-lay-by? Piss off over to www.you'vebeenstillborn.net where the likes of you are better Read more...

Columns - Ronald Reagan - An Apology By Silver Fox
Let's not beat around the bush, www.catsandkittens; last week, some harsh words were said. I - in an unprecedented and regrettable lapse - allowed my integrity and even-handed, dispassionate analysis of Things As They Are to become compromised by personal opinion: there, I've said it. I admit fully that Read more...

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