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Morality for Dummies (2/2)
By Kenton Hall
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(1/2),
(2/2)
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Oh, and if you don't understand that Paul Heaton could write a better song with his
head in a pig than Chris Martin could hope to achieve with an infinite lifespan and
assisted by an infinite number of monkeys, than we aren't going to get on too well.
I'm a Godless, smart-arse writer with the patience of Job's younger brother Dennis,
who is reported to have said unto the Lord, "Get on with it, already! Top Gear's about to start."
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I love my partner and my children, and I might like you a lot more if you'd wake up
and pay attention once and a while.
These are my morals.
Amen.
kenton.ist@gmail.com.
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Columns - Tales from the Lonely Tavern - Final Edition By King Rat - Professional Yorkshireman
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As me 'n brother made way to ye olde town for weekend spree, we circumnavigated giant telly
yon Victoria square. Now thee been told that giant telly cost a pretty packet and sum of
English pounds. On slight sight of surrounding acres there was but one weather-beaten
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Columns - Here I Go Again, On The Moan By The Silver Fox
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Crikey, www.catsandkittens ; been a while, hasn't it? How things seem to have changed since
last we got together. I love what some of you have done with your hair, I must say,
and how long has that been there? No, no - it's nice, it really is ... you just don't
see many of them these days, that's
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Columns - Eel Llenassac presents Smokers Corner
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I somehow found my way to the bedroom last night where I was blessed with the presence of the
Sliver Fox, The Manchurian Candidate, Cowfish and Shindig (including their every reliable roadie,
Stevo Ravishing Rick Wraggs.
I had a nice good old-fashioned drunken
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Columns - Something Hot in a Cold Country - Part 2 By Jane Foster
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In my role at thisisUll.com I seem to have taken it upon myself to be the reporter,
nay, the spread-the-worder - of all things multicultural in the tiny crack of the
universe that is 'ull.
In using the word crack please
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Columns - Steve Regan: the King of Hull
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I wonder how Humberside police chief David Westwood is frittering away his time as he waits and waits to learn his fate after being suspended from duty pending the result of an inquiry.
I rather hope that he might use this enforced rest period to take up a hobby which he once used to practise with some enthusiasm.
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Columns - Tales from the Lonely Tavern - Edition Four By King Rat - Professional Yorkshireman
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How do kinsman and other lesser bein's (am only jestin' ya). August 1st on Sabbath was national Yorkshire day, by glad to say that thee rejoiced without limitations.
In one day thee crossed the boundaries of North, West and Eastern Yorkshire, walked the moors, a pint a' Theakstons and consumed a well cooked piece a' rump.
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Columns - Something Hot in a Cold Country - Part 1 By Jane Foster
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Well several hot spicy items have caught my attention these last few weeks.
First of all I hear that the great Imran Khan has divorced his wife Jemima.
Well let's face it, a name like Jemima is unforgivable at the best of times...to
me it will always be associated with a rather passive, second rate
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Columns - Tales from the Lonely Tavern - Edition Three By King Rat - Professional Yorkshireman
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Behold ye listeners of the righteous truth, for day has passed to night and yester folly has turned to moro's squander.
If rantin's of a non-commissioned exaggerator is what thou be wantin', then thou has arrived tat right place,
the lonely tavern.
Sanctuary, for all those of common purpose who refuse the outside
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Columns - I'd Like To Teach The World to Shut The Fuck Up By The Silver Fox
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What with Wimbledon, Euro 2004, Hell's Kitchen, Big Brother 5, and the recent healing of
the lesbian storyline on Emmerdale Farm, some of you may have noticed that
actual news has been a bit thin on the ground lately.
Oh, I'll admit that things have happened - it's not like the international movers and
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Columns - Tales from the Lonely Tavern - Edition Two By King Rat - Professional Yorkshireman
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Yet again tis what the government gave me, two score an eight hours of rest and unbridled caperings.
Thou find thee and company in the homely ambience of the lonely tavern.
Three men of little wit but a wisdom born of hard adventurin'.
Our chatterins aim not to preach but to teach.
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Columns - Poor Little Reich Kids By Silver Fox
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Much as it pains me to say it, this week has found me thinking that we may - as right-thinking
people (and if you're not a right-thinking person, what the hell are you doing hanging
around my information super-lay-by? Piss off over to www.you'vebeenstillborn.net where the
likes of you are better
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Columns - Ronald Reagan - An Apology By Silver Fox
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Let's not beat around the bush, www.catsandkittens; last week, some harsh words were said.
I - in an unprecedented and regrettable lapse - allowed my integrity and even-handed,
dispassionate analysis of Things As They Are to become compromised by personal opinion:
there, I've said it. I admit fully that
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Columns - Tales from the Lonely Tavern - Edition One By King Rat - Professional Yorkshireman
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Recently in the hallowed pages of thisisull.com a new columnist has sprung up, filling our heads
with home-grown opinions. This master of the pen is none other than the Silverfox, a man I have
many a doings with in CrackTown.
Now much as I respect the genius and
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Columns - Steve Regan: the King of Hull
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There is panic throughout most of the state and voluntary-aided schools in Hull because so many pupils are simply out of control. A new report and survey chronicles the terrible situation in classrooms across this city.
I'm sorry to say it is a picture which does not hold out a great deal of
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Columns - Rupert, Ted and the Phantom Stink of Catpiss By Silver Fox
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According to a recent survey, Britain's international prestige has taken something of a knock of late.
Foreign nationals either living in or visiting dear old Blighty have been asked what they think
of www.mcunitedkingdom.com and many - and not all that varied - have been
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Columns - The Buck Went Thataway By Silver Fox
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Firstly, I'd like to thank anyone who's pointed-and-clicked their way to my little information superhighway lay-by for a second time. It shows an entirely laudable spirit of forgiveness and optimism on your part; a spirit that you should be proud of and one that makes you very special indeed.
To be honest,
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Columns - Steve Regan: The Return of The King
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MY visit to Hull last weekend was a blast. I came, I hugged, I drank and I lost my mobile phone in
The Piper.
The phone's since been returned to me. A reporter from the Hull Daily Mail had picked it up accidentally and taken it home, thinking it was hers.
Friday evening began with me slurping
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Columns - Democracy - Not Everyone's Bag - The Silver Fox
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First things first: I ought to clarify what I'm doing here, taking up valuable space on your monitor -
a space that I realise that so many of you consider an inviolate sanctuary for pictures of amusing
deformity or make your own Semtex recipes.
The fact is, it's all something of a mistake.
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Columns - Steve Regan: visits Hull
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NEWSFLASH! The King of Hull is making a State Visit to the city this weekend (April 24 and 25). Yes, Steve Regan will be among his people in person. He'll be popping up all around the city centre but if you would like to meet him go The Lamp bar between 5.15pm and 6.30pm where he will be having a pint or two on Saturday.
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Columns - Steve Regan: the King of Hull's famous column
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AS some of you may have noticed - I'm back, back, BACK!
My column has returned for the people of Hull, who have apparently missed it sorely since it disappeared from the Hull Daily Mail nearly two years ago.
Even the Leader of Hell City Council, Colin Davros Inglis, has been complaining there are now no proper columnists locally to keep him and his
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Columns - King of Hull by Steve Regan 15 April 2004
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OUR modern lives are plagued by pathological restlessness. We are never satisfied, always wanting to improve or change things or to move on to where we imagine the grass will be greener.
This restlessness afflicts everyone to a degree. Do you know anyone who is perfectly contented, with his or her job, or lack of a job, emotional life, family circumstances or home?
I recently met someone I hadn't seen for several years
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