Patriot Games (2/2) By Kenton Hall

(1/2), (2/2)

However, in the interests of journalistic fairness, I will point out I hate hockey as well. And I'm no patriot for my homeland, either. I suppose I never got the chance to be patriotic, having been raised by psychotic religious types who maintained that any loyalty to country was disloyalty to God, or the toaster, or Zsa Zsa Gabor. I forget. One of the three, at any rate. When I finally escaped their evil clutches, I left home for a country for which I have a great deal of love: Great Britain.

Having grown up with British parents and grandparents, I was an Anglophile through and through. I read English authors, listened to English music, watch English television and pronounced tomato correctly, much to the amusement of my schoolmates. But, even as the years went by, I still couldn't summon up this MY country is better than YOUR country bollocks.

I know a lot of Canadians who are DEEPLY patriotic, to the point of mania - as fervent as the stereotypical representations of their Southern cousins. To me, our national anthem sounds far too much like it was written by schoolchildren to inspire awe: (What's the song about? Canada. What's it called? O! Canada!" Lazy bastards.) For me, the only things that make me proud to be Canadians are a handful of bands, and The Kids in the Hall. I quite fancy Dave Foley in a dress as well.

So, yes, I get twinges of pride when one of my countrymen is praised... but only when it's in a field I care about... It's this overwhelming sense of US v. THEM that I can't stand. It's what starts wars, and fosters genocide. Don't believe me? Look at the English papers when England is playing France, or, worse, GERMANY. Rampant racism and xenophobia and NO ONE BATS AN EYELID.

I saw a Sun story once which showed Christopher Eccleston and Billie Piper in full Germanic costume and suggested that the Germans were STEALING Doctor Who. On closer inspection, a German TV station had bought the rights to AIR the programme and was planning to - HEAVENS FORFEND! - dub it into German. How DARE they?! So I worry when my children start shouting ENNGGGEERRRLANDDD! Not because I don't love England, but because - as a foreigner myself - I hear the worrying whispers that hide behind the joyous bellows. www.myspace.com/ist Kenton.ist@gmail.com.

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