Jobcentre Plus Part 1 - Website Madness (1/2) By Martin Nickson

(1/2), (2/2). Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.

Extract taken from my blog about my experiences since recently returning to UK, specifically Hull, after 10 years abroad, mostly in Canada.

As background to this post, part of the 'deal' that Nel and I have, now she has a permanent post, is that I have the liberty to pursue a new career direction, if I should choose. Her achievement in gaining liberation from post-doctoral purgatory (AKA 'getting a job') has given us a degree of financial security that we've never had before, which in turn gives me more freedom to work in a job that I do not hate. This is incredibly liberating, yet, at times overwhelming, because I've sometimes wished over the last few weeks that I HAD to go out to the building site, just to avoid making any decisions. Despite this, with Nel's patience quietly ticking in the background, I have continued my quest.

Wordsmith, career consultant, cat psychologist, dramaturge and minor celebrity as possible careers have all been examined and rejected on the grounds that describing the above 'professions' as my occupation would still leave people at dinner parties, or on the bus for that matter, wondering what I actually did for a living.

Finally, after much research (and research is the point of this post which I will get to eventually), I have narrowed future options down to 2 choices, part time Lecturer in Woodwork and Stagecraft, and qualifying as a Home Inspector. Both prospective careers build on my experience, and are socially useful. Additionally, the role of Home Inspector will mostly involve criticizing other people's work. I suppose it wasn't until I socialized with academics that I realised how much fun this can be.

Unlike academia, however, Home Inspectors do not themselves get criticized. Sued occasionally maybe, but there's always bankruptcy as an escape route. To research these new career routes thoroughly (where do I get trained?, how much does it cost?, potential earnings, validity of qualifications etc), I turned, as I suppose we all do these days to the web.

After about two day's research, I wanted to go back to the building site. I was having nightmares of being trapped in a never ending loop of web links, chased by acronyms for demons, and every escape door out was a freephone number with an infinite number of selections on the touch tone menu. One particular loop I actually did get trapped in started at nationalskillsacademy led me to index.shtml vvia about ten other sites to certificates.asp?cat=home

then back to the original site. Finally, in desperation (fuelled by prior knowledge of English government departments), I telephoned the Job Centre. My question was quite simple: 'How do I teach people to bang nails into wood? And get paid for it. '

NOTE: For those of you who don't know, the Job Centre is a UK government high street centre where jobs are posted, careers advice is given, training is arranged and social security benefits are administered. Its name is supposed to tell you what it does. To belabour the point, it is a CENTRE for JOBS (and re-training) www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk

Continued .... Next Page (2/2)

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