Response To The Flood Aid Feud (3/3) By War Drobe

(1/3), (2/3), (2/3).

Sir Cass, I suspect secretly harbours a desire to be Sir John. Rumour has it that he moved to Ella Street to be nearer his idol, not just to pick up some topiary tips but also some much needed fashion sense. He has been seen after all of late, sporting some rather spiffing headgear. His Germanic grammatical tendencies do occasionally spark rumours of his own political beliefs leaning uncomfortably far Reich - I did notice his cat looked rather suspect. I think this picture says it all.

Chester Draws is the main person so far to wind up Sir John. I do have one theory as to his identity: look no further than that pioneering comedy sketch show of the 90s, The Fast Show. You may recall one of the characters was old music hall comedian Arthur Atkinson ('Where's me washboard? How queer!') Arthur had a sidekick called you've guessed it, Chester Drawers. I doubt very much though that he is the man in question as we all know that nobody as famous as that would ever visit 'ull..

(As for War Drobe, I confess that was stolen from The Lion, The Witch And The... Oh well, we can't be original thinkers all the time).

I don't know if Sir John has a soft spot for horizontal storage systems, but I daresay Chester may have a chance of Sir John's forgiveness if he happens to be made of nice polished oak and not some IKEA nonsense. And if he happens to match Sir John's new letter rack, so much the better. But if not, and the whole thing does come to blows, I would like to see Sir John fitted with adequate protection for his delicate hands - after all, I'd hate to see his chances of becoming a champion topiarist completely ruined.

Sir Cass of course could always call on divine intervention to win the battle as he seems to be in spiritual connection with Biblical beings - well he does appear to be an expert on the secret sexual life of the Virgin Mary so I can only bow to his greater knowledge on that matter. I would recommend though for all involved, some pre-fight instruction from none other than gay Swedish wrestler Manlove. After all, he knows how to beat a man in the ring. Well if this article doesn't increase Sir John's ego and therefore his chances of winning I'll eat my cigarette holder, ostrich fan and mink stole all in one go. Good luck chaps..

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