Trepanning Worked For Me And The Joys Of Public Transport By Andrea Longstaff

The Government and the Greenies moan like fuck about carbon emissions but I use public transport on a regular basis. I don't know if it's me going through an olfactory hallucinatory phase but the buses always seem to stink of rancid piss these days, and the people that you have to endure! One time I was on the bus on my way to Park Avenue when a lass sat down next to me. She insisted on telling me her complete life story, her financial history, the lot! and she kept calling me 'love', not that I have a problem with the over-familiarity of strangers but she must have been at least twenty years younger than me. I think that I should be treated with a little bit more respect.

Then on the journey home an enormous woman with a moustache practically sat on my knee (I'd like to point out here that I'm not in the least bit weightiest as I could do with losing a few pounds myself but trying to find someone who'll play some form of sport with me is turning into something of a quest). I reckoned that my fifteen year old nephew would be my best bet as he's into footie in a big way but when I asked him via MSN one night if he fancied going for a game of badminton if I booked a court he said 'Yeah' then after he'd thought it over told me, "I 'aint playin' no badminton, it's propa camp."

A few days later I was told that he'd been walking around his home looking perplexed and shaking his head saying 'Andrea's asked me to play badminton with her' like it was some form of bizarre ritualistic torture. He's staying here at the moment and when he gets in from school I think I'll tell him that I've killed his parents just to see what sort of a reaction I'll get. ('Kewel' would be my guess.) Another time I was coming home on the bus when the driver asked me if the next stop was the one for Tesco. I laughed, not because I'm simple, but because I think that I must have the worst sense of direction in the whole of the Northern Hemisphere.

I'm forever getting lost, especially in the town centre where I tend to get stuck in loops, and I've lived here all my life. I feel like a prat asking for directions so I'm trying to perfect a different accent so as not to appear stupid in front of complete strangers, and the amount of people that stop me in the street to ask for directions! One time two Chinese lads came over to me on Beverley Road and thrust a map into my face with sections of it highlighted in fluorescent green.

They didn't speak a word of English, and as I haven't got round to learning Mandarin yet I did my best and as far as I could ascertain they wanted the Sutton Park bus, so I pointed them in the direction of the nearest bus stop. But on approaching said bus stop it was pointed out to me that it was, in fact, a sign masquerading as a bus stop. I bet they're still standing there now! Anyway back to the bus driver. I said that I didn't know as I'd never gone passed the stop that I was getting off at. He looked embarrassed and told me that it was his first day on the job, and the poor bugger chooses me to ask for directions. Life can be so cruel.

Mind you, it's not all bad, I had a rather surreal experience one time on the bus coming home from Bransholme, this was before the council decided to cut this service (The 24 circular from North Hull). I had a fair amount of shopping with me and somehow the oranges I'd bought had managed to escape from the bag and roll out onto the floor. A voice shouted 'Are these your oranges, love?' (He was elderly so as far as I'm concerned he was well within his rights in addressing me as love). I found myself running up and down the aisle of a moving vehicle collecting my oranges amid lots of pointing and cries of 'They're over there!' I felt like I'd been transported slap bang into the middle of an episode of The Crystal Maze.

Another time I was standing at the bus stop minding my own business when a woman came running over to me and thrust a piece of paper into my face and said, 'It's a day rover and it doesn't run out 'til midnight, you can have it'. I said 'Thanks' and marvelled at my good fortune, and added this event to my 'kindness of strangers' list that resides in my head. But on reflection I just think that I've got one of those faces that makes people want to thrust pieces of paper into it. If it wasn't for the fact that I know I'd be a danger on the roads to both myself and everybody else, I would invest in driving lessons 'cos public transport is crap!

Articles - Yankeeburger By John Science

	I came across your website purely by accident when I was looking for any comments regarding Yankeeburger in Jameson Street. I was pleasantly surprised to read that a Vivian Wan from Australia worked there in the 80's and referred to me as a 'great guy' -a compliment indeed. I do remember we had some wonderful students from Asia during that period Read more...

Articles - Nappy Nature By Shellie

	Nappy Nature is the trading name for the Hull and East Riding Real Nappy Network, we are a not for profit business, by which we mean though we make a profit that money is re-invested into our activities and projects, not shareholders! We are actively working with the Real Nappy Campaign as well as any other baby and parent group Read more...

Articles - Ghost Chasers In Hull By Mike Smith

	Ghost Chasers www.ghostchasers.co.uk are Hull's Leading Internationally Renowned Paranormal Investigative Team. We investigate local and national alleged paranormal locations. The investigations we carry out are done professionally and in the strictest confidence. We do not involve the media without the clients consent. Read more...

Articles - Why Should I Use Cloth Nappies?

	Breast feed, bottle feed? Home Birth, Water Birth, Hospital Birth? What colour to decorate the baby room, cots, cribs, moses baskets? What's a muslin square again? Without a doubt there are many, many options open to you as a parent to be, with so many retailers telling you what to buy, and so many magazines reporting what you Read more...

Articles - Appeal - Calling East Hull ...

	When was the last time you ate a meal so good that you had to tell someone about it? When was the last time you walked into a pub and had a really good night out? When was the last time you spoke to someone who was so unique that you immediately thought: now that would make a good story... If any of the above applies to you, then we want to hear from you. Read more...

Articles - I Want To Be a Megalomaniac But Haven't Got The Confidence By Andrea Longstaff

	I've decided that I'm going to jump onto the current bandwagon and devise a new and improved fitness and relaxation programme. I'm going to call this regime pilokga (pronounced piloogar). It's a combination of Pilates, knitting machine maintenance and yoga. Well I have been attending a yoga class for a couple of years now. I've also watched Read more...

Articles - Saddam Hussein And Reality's Last Gasp By Joe Hakim

	I managed to contract some sort of stomach bug over Christmas, so I spent the majority of it alternating between puking my guts up and shivering under a blanket. My dreams were populated by images of dead friends being devoured by giant skeletal insects in the ruins of Hull's new bus station, and I became convinced that my neighbour was plotting to drive me Read more...

Articles - Life in Walajah By Suzy Allott

	I have to say that I've started writing this a few times, but every time I've given up as the words seemed a little empty. The past few weeks in my new home have been, typically, both great and heart breaking. I'm now working in the village Walajah. It's great to be part of such a small, close community, and as such I'm having to walk up all of the steep hills around Read more...

Articles - God's Plan??? By Merle R. Stone

	As of late, (this morning, to be precise) I find myself in a state of realization which actually sort of frightens me. What I am beginning to realize is that if I were to stumble upon God, the supreme Almighty, say on the street or in some bar, I would kick him square in the balls. Then, I would question him to his face about his 'Divine Plan' as it has been called. Read more...

Articles - Lets Talk 'Bout Eugenics, Kids By Sally Satan

	My long-held prediction that shit American films would rule the world may have finally come true. I mean, I always thought these 'innocent' Disney flicks contained secret totalitarian messages, but hell - it sounds like someone's taken Honey I Shrunk The Kids a bit too seriously... This week, a profoundly disabled teenage girl in America has been deliberately kept in Read more...

Articles - The Restoration of Wellington Street Swing Bridge Part 3 By Tony Waddington Photographs By Tony

	In September the eastern side of the bridge was lifted into position by the Ainscough crane crew and with great skill put the 60 tonne span on the centre pintle without any problems Now it's the turn for the western span to be delivered by road from Sheffield based Davy Markham. Arriving on time along with the huge crane, the operation got under way. Read more...

Articles - Update On Georgie By Peter Fenwick

	As you know from previously on thisisull (Birds in Hull By Pete and Sue ), we bought an African grey parrot 18 months ago and called him George. We had George DNA tested by a local vet. Just letting you know that we, Pete Sue and George are doing really well. He has started to talk now, saying the usual things, whistling, singing, cuppa tea, going shopping etc. Read more...

Articles - Whole New Life By Peter Fenwick

	Having lost my wife's father in September this year we inherited his allotment in Tavistock Street off Newland Avenue. Sue's dad Stan had kept his allotment for 15 years. Our first job at the allotment was to dig up 24 rows of potatoes. This mammoth task took about three weeks, and I think everyone we knew received a sack of organic spuds. Then it was time to pick Read more...

Articles - An Open Letter To The Good People of Hull By Merle R. Stone

	My dearest good people of Hull, I know it has been a very long time since I have seen any of you, and for that I am deeply sorry. I hope this letter finds you all enjoying good health and high spirits. What compels me to write today is that I find myself somewhat lonely for you. I realize that many of you will not remember me, and maybe more than a few of you are asking yourselves Read more...

Articles - Romance Takes A Back Seat As Loyal Football Followers Are More In Love With The Beautiful Game

	Football fans claim being taken to their first match is a more memorable occasion than their partners' birthdays, and even their first kiss, according to a new research from www.backyourclub.com. The research of football fans* reveals that 83% of dedicated supporters can recall the first match they attended. However, when it comes to their partners' birthdays, a Read more...

Articles - Bouncers By Rachel Oxley

	How the hell did one of the nicest customers in Hull end up looking like this after a so-called bouncer followed him into a nightclub toilet? The duty of a bouncer is to monitor the crowd to see that everyone behaves and follows the house rules. The goal should be to see that everyone has a good time but within limits. The best bouncers are personable, Read more...

Articles - The Island Part 7 The End By Adam Atkinson

	In August of 2006, Adam Atkinson went missing - he was last seen on a remote island off the coast of Suffolk. All that was found was his log book and a battered camera ... Friday: Didn't catch a wink, not ... a ... wink. There was something out there moving, watching, waiting. Heard a large crash at 3am. It was getting closer to the hut Read more...

Articles - The Annette Burley School of Dancing.

	The Annette Burley School of Dancing has been teaching dancers for 30 years; a real feat in this day and age of business! On 21st February 1976 Annette Burley opened her first dance school in the Bilton Village Hall, where she still teaches today. Other branches of the school now include Neasden Primary School and the Hull and Read more...

Articles - ONE - Fight Against Poverty and Aids in Africa By Gemma Durham

	I feel very strongly about this campaign which aims to fight poverty and Aids in Africa. Just signing up to www.one.org to show your support can make a big difference, and the website offers other ways to take action! I just want more people to be aware. I've just signed the ONE Declaration, committing myself to help fight Read more...