Memories Of Hull - Sundays, What A Bummer By Lucy Brown

I remember Sundays back in the Fifties. I must have been about seven at the time. It was the one day when all the kids had a weekly soak; when that big tin bath tub was brought down from its nesting place on the back yard wall. When the coal fire was stoked to rage up the chimney, lending a flickering warm glow to an otherwise freezing cold living room. Sounds inviting don't you think? Well it wasn't!!

Not if you were the youngest one like me. There was nothing pleasant about floating in a cocktail of 3 peoples' bath water, and a tablespoon of Omo with a dash of bleach. I swear you came out of the bath even dirtier than you went in. And flannels? Don't even get me started on them. Posh people had 'flannels' where we had a piece of mam's old pinnie or if you were really in skid row, then it was some remnant of your dad's underpants. Oh....and you can forget anything like 'cotton buds' for your delicate little ears. You got a twisted corner of the cloth rammed down your lug-ole instead.

I think maybe the most embarrassing bath experience for me came when my Auntie Maude and Uncle Stan happened to be visiting. There I was grappling with a brick-sized block of Coal Tar Soap and a cloth almost the size of a beach towel, when she decided to give the fire a bit of a prod with the poker. "Let's liven up this bloody fire-foyer-chuck," she said, making it crackle and spark. "There ya go love," she said, just as it spat out the red hot cinder. "Cccrrracckk!!!" like a bullet, it shot out and zoomed towards my bath.

Now at this point I was faced with two choices, which were: 1. Leap out the tub therefore exposing my little bare bot to Uncle Stan, or 2. Stay put and let it sizzle? Either way my backside was gonna end up as a bit of a sore subject. I suppose instinct took over in the end and I shot up ready to run, unfortunately tipping the tub clean over. There was water all over my mam's brand new lino. Next thing my mother runs in from the kitchen yelling "Yer little bleeder!!" then whacks my arse. "What-av I told yer about messin with-at bloody fire?" What a bummer!!!

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