Made In Hull: Stories 1969 - 2005 Part 3 (4/4) By Rich Mills

(1/4), (2/4), (3/4), (4/4), Part 1, Part 2,

"We have a choice for you of two rooms." Hadn't she already said that once? "One on the third floor away from the main landing, which is a little quieter. The other is on the main landing, I think it's a bit bigger than the other." "I'll take a look at both, see which one has the best vibe," I said optimistically. Out of the little corridor, back into the main hallway of the residential centre Laura led me up two flights of stairs, swiping her way in through a security door and up a further flight of stairs. "Access to the first floor and the floors above is by swipe card only, and you all have an individual key to your rooms... whichever one you choose."

At the top of the stairs she showed me into a small narrow room containing little more than a bed and bedside table. I think there was an armchair but wasn't sure as I wasn't taking much notice really. The room did not appear very inviting, despite the views over the park from the open sky-lights in the disproportionately high vaulted attic ceiling.

"That's nice," I shivered as I heard myself say it. Not overly impressed with this room, as it had a prison cell feel to its lay-out we headed back down the stairs and onto the main landing from where we had just come. "Do you want to see the other room? I think this one is the only room that has en-suite facilities," said Laura wandering across the large square landing to a room number 5B. En-suite, I was interested already. This room was much bigger than the previous one, far less claustrophobic and seemed to be a much better place to rest and recuperate than the rabbit hutch I'd seen first.

"Yes this is the one with the en-suite," Laura pointed to another door in the far corner of the room. "Oh yeah! Cool, I'll have this room," even before I'd finished she'd pressed the key and swipe card into my hand.

"You haven't got anything with you have you?" She asked, although from my slightly dishevelled appearance it was somewhat obvious that I was travelling light. All I had is what I had walked out of the house in earlier. My only possessions being a spiral writing pad and a ball-point pen I had bought with the only bit of money I had. I'd not eaten all day, and due to the stresses and strains of the day so far, I was starting to feel quite weak and hungry. "Tell you what, I'll give you a brief tour of the rest of the building, show you where everything is, and then let you get settled in... Okay?"

She pulled the door to my new room shut saying, "You'll probably get lost at first, this place is a bit of a maze. I've been here nearly a year and still take wrong turnings all the time. End up down a dead-end, or back where I started."

"Huh!" I responded, I felt I should, but she was losing me and my mind was starting to drift. I wondered how everyone was at home. Did they miss me? Had they even noticed I had gone? Was the place better without me? Why didn't I feel valued by my family, why did I feel so insignificant and so easily replaceable? It wasn't all in my head, I was sure of that much. And although I kept swapping blame around, at the end of the day it was to be shared equally. I may have been the one who lost the plot, but I was not the only villain of the piece by a long way.

Without really noticing we'd walked back down to the ground floor, and were heading deeper into the once grand house. I hadn't taken any notice before, but now I saw that corridors and doors led off in all manner of odd directions. A whistle-stop tour had revealed a laundry, toilet, shower-room, a fucking huge and well-stocked kitchen, a completely desolate non-smoking lounge, and finally at last some other life to be found in the smokers lounge right at the back of the building. I could go no further, this was the end of my journey for today. I was tired like I had never been before.

The very life energy that propelled me forward had all but dissipated. Whatever had driven me out of the house this morning, and sent me on my last-hope quest was definitely waning. I'd reached my destination, even though when I set out on this quest I had no idea where I was to end up.

Dead had been a slim possibility, but a possibility that had played over and over inside my mind for a good proportion of that day. I was glad that I ended up somewhere comforting and friendly. With people who understood where I was coming from, who didn't dismiss my pain, who didn't get angry when I tried (often quite badly I realised) to explain what the hell was going on inside my head. For the next few days at least, this was my home. Where my home would be after that, I hadn't a clue.

But seeing how I was now living life moment-by-moment, being able to see a couple of days ahead was a huge bonus. Finally I could relax.

Copyright © Rich Mills 2005

Continued soon on www.thisisUll.com......

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