Panic, Paranoia and Peter Levy's Top Lip (2/3) By Joe Hakim

(1/3), (2/3), (3/3).

It's my stop one after next. What do I do? I mean, what would you do? I'm not a cavalier; I'm not a fuckin' hero. If I turn around and start giving these lads some sort of brotherhood of man shit, I'll get my head kicked in. Simple as. I get up and start moving to the front of the bus. I press the button and the bell rings. "Should fuckin' round 'em all up, search the lot and fuckin' blow 'em up with their own fuckin' bombs."

The bus pulls over and the doors open. I don't turn my head to meet anyone's eye. I step onto to the pavement, the doors shut and the bus starts up. I stand there for a moment, and as it passes I'm thinking, whatever fuckin' next? I head home feeling like I've been complicit in something. Even a bus journey is a test of one's moral convictions and ideology these days.

So it's a couple of days later and I'm sat watching the news. There's been another incident in London, four more explosions, four more bombs which have all failed for some reason. Look North comes on. I'm peering through the smoke at Peter Levy and he's telling me about this article that has appeared in Men's Fitness magazine.

It names Hull as being one of the top ten most dangerous places for tourists in the world. He smiles and the programme cuts to a pre-recorded segment from a reporter on the streets of Hull, walking around various different areas. In each cut he's wearing a different set of safety outfits as he mentions other cities named in the article. "The Congo,' he says from behind the visor of some riot gear. Cut. "Bosnia," he says, wearing the armour of a war reporter. Cut. "Hull," he says, standing in Whitefriargate, wearing a bomb disposal vest. Baaaad fuckin' taste, dude, considering.

It cuts again and he's sat on a bench outside the Quayside sipping coffee. He talks about the article, mentioning how "Hull and its surrounding districts still teeter at the top of the nation's crime, violence and drug charts". "So," he says, placing his cup down. "I'm going to sit here for ten minutes and see if I'm attacked in any way".

The film speeds up. Shoppers in the background quick march to their destinations and clouds move like zeppelins across the sky. The reporter takes another sip of his coffee. The film slows again. He looks around. I pray, oh Lord how I pray, for one of the chavs from the bus the other night to turn up, preferably smacked out of his brains, wielding a pickaxe handle, screaming, "Heeere's Jooohnny!" but alas, it is not to be.

Instead, the reporter wraps it up in some candy arsed fashion and the programme cuts back to the studio, back to Peter Levy grinning inanely in much the same way he was before the report. It looks as though he hasn't moved at all. Maybe they remove his batteries during the pre-recorded bits and he stays in suspended animation. He continues to talk, but I don't hear him because I'm looking at his top lip, totally amazed by the way it doesn't seem to move when he talks. Is it a case of ice cream mouth or botox? Who knows? Who cares? The next day I decide to check out the magazine.

I'm one skint, unemployed motherfucker, so I don't shell out for it, I do the next best thing - I go to WH Smiths, pick it up off the shelf, read it and then put it back.

Continued ...next page(3/3),

Articles - Samaritans By Michelle Dee

	Late 2003 our editor wrote an article about the invaluable work done by the local branch of the Samaritans. The piece called, A Friend In Need , featured the then manager of the Hull branch Wendy. Since the article was written a new Read more...

Articles - About Crazy Shit By Joe Hakim

	So we stumble out of the horror of Christmas into the New Year, bleary-eyed and confused, with the nagging feeling we've missed something. I was working all through Christmas and New Year. Even though I spent New Year's Eve working, stood in Read more...

Articles, Paranormal - The Beast In The Basement By Graham Lee

	Every so often a paranormal investigation can uncover spirit beings which are not of human origin. As well as humans who have passed over, there are Angels, animal spirits, faeries, elementals, nature spirits and a whole host of inter-dimensional Read more...

Articles - True Stories - The Puzzle Nightmare By DJ Chris Plant
	One day when I was home alone, there was a knock at the front door. It was the postman with a parcel for me. I tore open the package and inside there was a black box. Inside the box there were some puzzle pieces. I didn't think Read more...

Articles, Paranormal - Young Master Willem By Graham Lee

	Of course it's not all monks, white ladies and monsters. Often times I find myself face to face with the spirits of children, the most memorable of which has so far been Young Master Willem. I ran into this cheeky little boy in a watermill Read more...

Articles, Paranormal - Lynched A Ghost By Graham Lee Photos By Ellen, Graham, Bev and Kaye.

	As part of my regular work I am involved in ghost hunts with a group called UK Haunted where we invite members of the public to join our all-night vigils in haunted locations. The latest of these events was held in a derelict manor house, Read more...

Articles - Pain is a Simple Word By Mr Pain in the Butt
	Like many words Pain has just four letters. It is short and easily just rolls off of the lips. Pain; Used to describe things ranging from a stubbed toe to a woman giving birth to her first born child - Pain! What a simple everyday word! To me Pain is all Read more...

Articles - Norman At Ninety By DJ Chris Plant
	As Sir Norman Wisdom approaches 90 years old. I pay tribute to the fine actor as I watch his films. My favourite Norman Wisdom film has to be On the Beat (1962). In On The Beat, Norman wants to be a policeman like his father was, Read more...

Articles - Endless Guitar Solos and the Real Reasons for Opposing Fox Hunting. By Mark Pollard

	I love progressive rock. Always have done. There; I've said it. You can stick your three-and-a-half minute blasts of pop music where the sun don't shine. If it sounds great, let it drag on for half an hour is what I say. Why play one note when Read more...

Articles - The Night Time Visitor By Graham Lee

	During the first few weeks of my professional work in mediumship I was not one hundred percent convinced that I was actually contacting spirit. I had come to mediumship with a large dose of scepticism which often meant I would be the first to offer Read more...

Articles - Haunted Hull? By Ellen

	My name is Ellen. I was born and raised in Hull. I was just reading the article about haunted hotels and I thought I'd write about some of my husband's and my experiences. My husband, Graham Lee is a psychic medium working in Hull and Yorkshire Read more...

Articles - ADWARE: A Malicious and Highly Invasive Plague By Blair Ashworth

	There is a disturbing rise in the appearance of virus-like programs that hijack your web browser - changing your default start page and forcing you to visit certain web sites, thus inflating a site's traffic count in an attempt to increase advertising revenues. Read more...

Articles - Words to Uncle Sam By Patrick Henry

	An Englishman in America can meet very mixed kinds of reception. Cultural differences he presents might arouse fascination or reverence from the natives, but acceptance that he holds superiority in Anglo-Saxon language and civilised values can be Read more...

Articles - I Would Have Hated London By Anna Zenonos

	I have something to share about Hull or Ull! My experience was generally good although a bit sad. I come from Greece and in 2001 I arrived in Hull to start studies at Lincoln University which at the time was called The University of Lincolnshire and Humberside. Read more...

Articles - Out an About in Hull By Aaron

	When you are out and about in the centre of Hull, take time out to look up at the buildings. There is some lovely architecture about, not to mention the numerous statues for example above and behind all those modern shop fronts there are some very Read more...