Teenage Kicks (2/3) By Jim Higo

(1/3), (2/3), (3/3).

Naturally George Bush has backed these fanatics, stating, Not having sex is the only completely effective way to prevent unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted disease. Apparently Bush's policy idea book (if you're prepared to believe he has one) is full of these well thought out initiatives. His plan to reduce the number of road traffic accidents by getting people to stop driving cars was rejected when someone pointed out that there would then be no reason to invade oil rich countries.

He also planned to reduce incidences of food poisoning by getting people to stop eating and also suggested they might stop unwanted and unnecessary wars by getting people to stop voting for him.

Supporters of the movement organise virgin pledges in schools and claim that they can delay teen sexual activity by up to 18 months (personally I could never delay it for much more than a minute when I was that age). And by activity, I assume they mean activity that involves another person and not that which may take place alone.

Followers believe that not having sex makes a qualitative difference to young people's relationships. By this I imagine they mean that, without the sex, couples realise much sooner that they have absolutely nothing in common and are in fact completely incompatible.

Research shows that two-thirds of America's young people have had sexual intercourse by the time they graduate from High school. Firstly I have to question the validity of such a survey because I can guarantee that had I been asked a question about my sexual activity when I was eighteen, no matter what the truth of the matter was, my answer would have been lots of times with lots of different people.

Secondly I have to say that two thirds is a scandalously low number, especially in light of the fact that most have exaggerated or lied. I mean, what are the other third waiting for? marriage? When I was eighteen, the only people who hadn't had shag, were either those with a severe case of acne or those studying trigonometry; and, as luck would have it, most combined the two.

The Silver Ring Thing has already had one attempt to get their message over to Britain when a 30-strong team of 'hardcore young virgins' came over from America to present a series of shows at churches throughout Britain. The teen-friendly road show (but not too friendly as we know what these things lead to) preaches the message through music, drama and personal testimony. By teen friendly I assume they mean nothing that requires an attention span of in excess of two minutes and sentences that include the words like and so not at every opportunity.

And personal testimony will no doubt have seen some acne riddled, trigonometry student talking about why he made the choice to abstain from sex until marriage. But just like Ann Widdicombe and her virginity these cases aren't about personal decisions, they're about fate. Abstinence for these sad inadequates is not a lifestyle choice; it's just the gradual coming to terms with the cards that life has dealt them. These people are destined to get no sex, ever.

Continued....Next Page,

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