Teenage Kicks (1/3) By Jim Higo

(1/3), (2/3), (3/3).

In the same week that Teen sex is being targeted by the Tories (their plan is to reduce it, not to indulge in it), it is perhaps an unfortunate coincidence that they also unveil plans to ask former Chief Inspector of Schools Chris Woodhead to carry out a review of the National Curriculum. The Tory party, that bastion of morality and decency, wants to encourage youngsters to resist peer pressure to have sex, although it makes no mention of resisting teacher pressure to have sex, so perhaps Mr Woodhead, with his penchant for sixth formers, has been allowed to have some input (oo-er missus).

Those of you who, like me, thought that STIs were some sort of eyelid inflammation and whose only visit to a gum clinic came when you had a bit of bother with a wisdom tooth (something I assume Michael Howard will never encounter) will not be aware that we are on the brink of a sexual health epidemic. Not only are the Tories worried about the moral decline of today's youth and about the damage that is done to peoples lives by Gonorrhoea, Chlamydia and HIV but they're also a little bit worried about how much all of this is costing.

Howard says that Chlamydia will cost the NHS almost £10 million a year in infertility treatment which sounds a lot but isn't too vast when compared with the £27 billion that Thatcher and Lawson lost in 1992 while attempting to shore up sterling after Britain was ejected from the Exchange Rate Mechanism. Howard wants a hard-hitting campaign that highlights the dangers of teenage sex and explains possible precautions.

The Tories are no strangers to sexual imbroglio and can probably argue that they are therefore the perfect party to offer advice on the best form of precautions.

It's long been thought that when John Major used to meet up with Edwina Curry for furtive sexual assignations, he always took the precaution of ensuring he was blind drunk beforehand. Many Tories (if there are still, many Tories) however, don't think Howard's plans go far enough and want to take things further (by stopping others from taking things further).

The Daily Mail has made no secret of the fact that they believe a US-style abstinence campaign should be introduced. These campaigns encourage people to abstain from sex until they are married and espouse the emotional and physical dangers of premarital sex.

One such sexual abstinence programme in America is The Silver Ring Thing, although I'm told that in a couple of bars down Baker Street this refers to something different altogether. Supported by conservative Christians it aims to discourage children from having sex because if the grown ups aren't getting any then they intend to make sure that their kids don't either.

It is rather ironic that the Church is using the abstinence message as a means of recruiting followers, when many Vicars and Priests seem hell bent on making the kids in their congregation sexually active as soon as possible. God's love knows no boundaries and unfortunately neither does Father McLeish of Durham's. Silver Ring Thing founder Denny Pattyn says, I believe the end of the world is approaching and I might just be living in the last days. Which makes me wonder why he isn't using up these last few days to get in as much sex as possible while he can.

Continued....Next Page,

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