Gary Bushel - My Hero by Andrea Longstaff

Why is it that the practical workman or Sun reader is as thick as pig shit? Is it a pre- requisite for tradesmen's school? One workman asked my boss What's your favourite colour? Dunno, red he says. I'm only the cleaner but I couldn't believe it. What an enthralling conversation, I had to say, I couldn't help myself. Not exactly the meaning of life now is it? Mind you I was finishing off the kitchen, polishing away, but..... I'd got the wrong can out of the bag, it was air freshener!! Floral bouquet, smells nothing like Mr.Sheen!!!! I wouldn't recommend it either, doesn't get the streaks out of the wood!)

So I've not really got room to talk now have I?

I was brushing all the mess out of the bathroom (The first one, I did actually miss the second one. I did explain that I lived in a council house! ) You're making a bit of a mess, said a Sun reader to me. Oh dear, well I can't do the banter so when he came into the now, clean -nearly-finished- bathroom to put a door handle on he made a little-bit-of-a-mess himself, (It took him ages, Locksmiths R Us!!! Not exactly rocket science is it??!!

You're making a lot of a fucking mess I found myself saying. That's what I'm paid to do. Yeah, you're not fucking kidding, can't you get a power tool with a little bag on it, to catch the bits like?

Eh?. Funnily enough he never spoke to me again, maybe it was the, I hope you're not gonna put your muddy footprints in that fucking shower that clinched the silent treatment. (I cleaned one out, gleaming it was. Bob the plumber stood in it with his mucky work boots on!! ) The manager of the site came in to inspect the bathroom. I'm cleaning away, he seemed satisfied. Well.....I found a leak in the pipe under the sink. I told the boss he better tell him. How did he not see it? It was like a fucking duck pond!!! Did he think it was a water feature!!!!

I know I'm not on the eye catching side so it can't have been the lovely me distracting head Sun reader! A news report came over the radio. Some people had put pork on a Muslim woman in a mortuary. The Sun readers found this highly amusing. The footie score came on. Man United were losing, they were all in need of counselling!!! It's a fucking good job Beckham hadn't broken a nail or mass suicide would have ensued!!!!

Articles - All Mod Cons By Jim Higo

	Jimmy Pursey once sang There's gonna be a borstal break out but I don't remember him going on to say, Just as soon as me and Andy get out of double Geography and Johnny finishes that History essay that has to be in tomorrow. Mind you Pursey also said Angels from nowhere places. So what does he know? Read more...

Articles - Mobile Phones: Pain or Pleasure? By Sandra Blemster

	Do you consider your mobile phone to be a pleasure or a proverbial pain, a help or a hindrance? Sandra Blemster investigates. In recent years we have seen a little known fad sweep over the nation and take it over with fervent ferocity. The name of the culprit? Mobile telephones. And, I must admit, until recently, I was not a fan at all. Read more...

Articles - The Sixties By Marion

	Everyone has memories from their childhood. Some of mine involve making a union jack windmill while at primary school, then standing on Beverley Road, waiting to wave it at the Queen, when she visited Hull once. Another thing that sticks in my memory was when a new food fad came into being: frozen beef-burgers, chips, and peas. I drove my poor mum mad wanting them all the time! Read more...

Articles - Birds in Hull By Pete and Sue

	In November 2004 Sue and I promised ourselves a really special present for Christmas this year, we needed something really special because of the shitty year we had had. We decided that we should buy a parrot. Actually you can't buy a parrot, everyone we spoke to on the Net told us that we had to adopt one. Read more...

Articles - My Self Harm

	Why am I qualified to write this piece? Why, because I live with the reality of being a self-harmer each and every day. I started self-harming when I was about ten years old. It took the form of taking my penknife and trapping each one of my fingers whilst the blade was trying to shut. I would lie in bed to Read more...

Articles - Rock the Casbah By Jim Higo

	Notoriety sells records; of that there can be no debate. There really is nothing (other than a dead princess) that guarantees record sales more, than a band fronted by a drug-crazed demented degenerate or a maniacal madman. Taste or morality rarely threaten Read more...

Articles - A Seat In The House By Patrick Henry

	Albert Stubbs worked as a printer on Hull's Daily Mail. His brother Frank ran a grocer's shop in Hessle Road, went bankrupt, became a tally-clerk on the docks, fell ill and died of heart failure. His widow Gert remarried to a sergeant-major in the East Yorkshire Read more...

Articles - Teenage Kicks By Jim Higo

	In the same week that Teen sex is being targeted by the Tories (their plan is to reduce it, not to indulge in it), it is perhaps an unfortunate coincidence that they also unveil plans to ask former Chief Inspector of Schools Chris Woodhead to carry out a review of the National Read more...

Articles - Bingo In Mad By DJ Chris Plant

	Let me start with a few facts... Bingo: first began in Italy in 1530. France became interested in 1778. They played the game with a deck of cards. In the 1800's Educational Lotto games became popular. Bing Crosby got his name from being called Bingo: as a child. Read more...

Articles - Shall We Dance? UK Movie Premiere, Wednesday Feb 16th 2005, Leicester Square, London By Steve Rudd
	The weather might have been bitterly cold, but still the most entertaining Square in all of London was relatively packed for the UK movie premiere of Shall We Dance?, which was in aid of charity - and the Asia Tsunami appeal in particular. Shall We Dance? is the latest movie Read more...

Articles - Black and White By Jim Higo

	At last it's here! That eagerly awaited time when the celebs queue up to be seen and to be heard. The moment when Hollywood's finest come together amidst an array of anxious attire, desperate, designer dresses and hazardous hairdo's. Read more...

Articles, Paranormal - Messages At Christmas By Graham Lee

	There is a dilemma for every medium and it is this: when is it appropriate to pass on messages from spirit, and when is it best left alone? Many times I have been in a crowded room or on a train and I have been given hints of spirit information for the Read more...

Articles - Samaritans By Michelle Dee

	Late 2003 our editor wrote an article about the invaluable work done by the local branch of the Samaritans. The piece called, A Friend In Need , featured the then manager of the Hull branch Wendy. Since the article was written a new Read more...

Articles - About Crazy Shit By Joe Hakim

	So we stumble out of the horror of Christmas into the New Year, bleary-eyed and confused, with the nagging feeling we've missed something. I was working all through Christmas and New Year. Even though I spent New Year's Eve working, stood in Read more...

Articles, Paranormal - The Beast In The Basement By Graham Lee

	Every so often a paranormal investigation can uncover spirit beings which are not of human origin. As well as humans who have passed over, there are Angels, animal spirits, faeries, elementals, nature spirits and a whole host of inter-dimensional Read more...

Articles - True Stories - The Puzzle Nightmare By DJ Chris Plant
	One day when I was home alone, there was a knock at the front door. It was the postman with a parcel for me. I tore open the package and inside there was a black box. Inside the box there were some puzzle pieces. I didn't think Read more...

Articles, Paranormal - Young Master Willem By Graham Lee

	Of course it's not all monks, white ladies and monsters. Often times I find myself face to face with the spirits of children, the most memorable of which has so far been Young Master Willem. I ran into this cheeky little boy in a watermill Read more...