Big Screens, Beslan and the Bus Home (3/3) By Joe Hakim

1/3 2/3 3/3

I catch the bus home. The bus is quite full, because it's teatime and everyone's heading home from work. I head upstairs. I find an empty seat and sit down. Two rows in front of me, a couple of lads in baseball caps and overalls talk about fighting. They look like they've just left school, and they're working on an apprenticeship or something. 'See that Kebab shop there?' the chubby one says, pointing out of the window. 'Fuckin' ell, yer'll never believe it, my mate XXXX has just been banged up for scrappin' in there!'

'Shit, what happened?' his goofy mate asks. 'Well, y'know who he is don't yer? XXXX? He's a right fuckin' mad cunt. Well, he'd gone round town, smashed out of fuckin' brains like, and he went for a kebab,' chubby says. Even though he's talking to his mate, he talks loudly so everyone else can hear. A few other people are sat around, but the lads' tone and subject slowly choke out everyone else's conversations, until the two lads are the only ones left talking. Everyone starts to listen, myself included. 'Anyway, he's in the queue, and this kid's there with his bird, and his birds mate. And his bird is fucking gorgeous, I'm tellin' yer..' chubby says. Goofy says, 'What, did XXXX try cracking onto her or summat?' 'Just listen,' chubby says. 'So XXXX, he turns round to this kid, and he sez, "What the fuck are lookin' at?" and the kid sez, "Fuck all, I don't want any trouble, mate," so XXXX sez, "Is that so?" and then..' The chubby kid pauses for effect. 'XXXX nuts him. He falls to the ground like a sack of spuds, and then he jumps all over his fuckin' head'. 'Wow,' goofy says. 'He don't stand for no shit then?'

'That's not even the maddest part,' chubby says, laughing, 'check this out. He's knocked this kid spark out, so the kid's bird starts calling him a wanker and slapping him, so he chinned her as well!' Chubby's laughing, but even goofy has gone silent. 'Broke her jaw! Can yer believe that shit? He's up for ABH, gonna have to do a few months inside.' There's a long silence. People look out the windows at the shops as they go by.

Eventually, goofy weakly says, 'It's a bit out of order, though, innit, hitting a lass..don't yer think?' Chubby smiles and nods, 'Yeah, maybe..but it's always handy to know mad bastards like that, just in case you get into any bother. Yer never know when yer might need backin' up,' he says. XXXX won't be much good to you banged up, you fucking twonk, I think to myself, but like everyone else on the bus, I don't say a word. The last thing I need right now is the task of having to fend off some teenage wannabe gangsta who wants to stab me in the eyeballs with a Swiss army knife corkscrew attachment. I stand up and push the bell. I make my way down the stairs as the bus approaches my stop. I say, 'Cheers,' to the driver as he pulls up, and step off the bus. As I walk home I think about what I'm going to have for my tea.

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