Truth Is Seldom Stranger Than Fiction Trevor Edge

Hi. My name is Todd Everspawn, or rather it could be, because I'm here today to talk about positive lying. I'm sure very few people reading this article, or indeed those taking no interest in it whatsoever, have got through their life to date without telling a lie.

Your Mum asks which sibling drew on her prize curtains, you say 'He did it' when you know you did. Your girlfriend asks 'Does my bum look big in this?' you give the answer which keeps you off the sofa that night. Your wife finds a G-string in your glove compartment, you say you just like the feel of the material (and end up wearing it for two months - by which time you actually do!).

I'm not saying all lying is good. Sometimes the truth comes out down the line and it hurts twice as much, but that's usually because of the type of lie told in the first place, evil malicious ones. However, consider the scenario: You come home from work after a hard days slog in front of a PC. Your spouse is watching Trish/football or cooking tea or openly scratching themselves. In a cursory way they say, 'How was your day?'.

Now you know that the most exciting thing you have done all day is spilt a cup of coffee, but this minor beverage incident pales in comparison to the world issues of the day. You might have heard a bit of gossip about Mr A and Mrs B and what went on at the training weekend in Huddersfield, but who cares?

Now take the same scenario and add a spoken agreement that, should you have a dull day, you can lie to make things more interesting. Not bad lies, lies that insult others, or lies that could possibly be true, but whopping, amusing lies; 'Well, strange you should ask love, but I had to perform an emergency appendectomy on John. He was close to bursting, but I just slammed a post it note over my mouth for hygiene, grabbed a pair of scissors, hey presto!'.

Second scenario, the break up: You've been seeing a guy/girl for a couple of years. You've grown apart over the last couple of months and you've been secretly seeing another guy/girl who knows exactly where your buttons are and strikes them with the frequency of a legal secretary. Sure guy/girl one is sweet, loves you and has always been there, but they're wetter than an April barbecue.

Honesty is surely the best policy here, YEAH RIGHT! YOU WANT TO BREAK THEIR HEARTS AND RUIN THEIR LIFE - GO AHEAD! You can always go for the 'It's not you, it's me' rubbish, but how about terminal illness, new religious commitments or parental disapproval. All beyond the poor guy/girl's control, but sufficient to end your amorous adventures. They also have the additional benefit of being able to explain away if need be; they found a revolutionary cure, I had a crisis of faith, my parents decided whatever made me happy. continued below.

Truth Is Seldom Stranger Than Fiction continued Trevor Edge

While some may claim that lying is a sin, I can't help but think that its only a minor sin when compared to the real biggies like covetting wives, committing murder or listening to Chesney Hawkes. Especially when they can have such a positive effect. Don't just tell your kids Santa only brings presents to good kids, tell them he exerts violent revenge on bad ones. It's only an extension of a traditional lie. Don't tell your teachers the dog ate your homework. Tell them you gave the paper to a homeless person to provide vital sustenance to get him through the night. Don't claim you never sold weapons to that foreign power. Tell us you sold them water pistols but there was a mix up in the warehouse.

Discover the joys of positive lying today and remember if anyone asks, don't tell them I said so because I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it and you put me up to it.

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