We sit together in the warm afternoon sun. The garden is in full bloom, she has worked so hard on this garden, planting and digging, it's a beautiful sight, full of colour.
She turns to me and says ' I want to be here to watch my plants grow'. I reach for her hand and squeeze it, ' I know, I know you do'. It seems so unreal to sit there and talk of death, of plans for her funeral. How many times have we sat in that garden and talked about life, about children, we have laughed and watched our children grow.
Now she sits beside me, a shadow of herself, wearing the pink cap I bought for her, hiding the hair loss from the radiation treatment. She shakes and gets confused, telling me the same things over and over as if it's the first time because she can't remember she just told me that.
My heart aches and I hold back the tears as she asks me for reassurance, I try to give it without lying to her, but it's hard, she is so ill but yet she talks of going on holiday soon, when she is better. We both know really that she is not going to get better, but for her sake I keep up the pretence.
I love her so much, she has been everything to me, sister, mother, best friend, now I feel as if she is my child and I want to protect her and hold onto her.
The birds are singing and the air is full of the aroma of the flowers, she wants to go indoors, she has had enough. I hold onto her as she tries to walk, very, very slowly we make our way indoors, she leans on me and sways, she can't keep her balance, I hold her tight and we eventually get to the step. I think I'm going to have to lift her, but we manage together holding on, we get her in, she falls asleep immediately as soon as she is on the sofa.
I look at her and my heart is breaking, don't leave me, don't go - yet I know the time is running towards us, she slips away more everyday. I look back into the garden and I wonder how the world can be so beautiful and yet so ugly all at the same time .....
Poetry - "Obsession" By Nadie.
I would ride madness
like the loins of a lover,
cast myself into Hell
even sleep with my brother.
I would swallow poison
and swear it was like nectar,
Exclusive Featured Serial on www.thisisUll.com Articles - There IS Life After Alcohol - Part 2
I met a friends' daughter who was the same age as me - a year older actually - and we instantly fell in love. She was at the point of getting back together with an ex-boyfriend who was a practising alcoholic.
Exclusive Featured Serial on www.thisisUll.com Articles - Hull - A Personal History Part Two
By Bryan Holgate
The one thing none of us apprentices really expected was to have to go back to school. Well, this was mandatory, as one of our teachers said at Queens Gardens "there is more to life than a screwdriver and a lathe". How true, there was beer. We went to the pub for lunch and a game of darts; unfortunately as with most youngsters we knew not when to quit.
Exclusive Featured Serial on www.thisisUll.com Articles - Part Four Adopted in Hull by Diane
It took many cups of coffee and a brave heart to open this letter that had been in my shaking hand for hours after it arrived. Terrible thoughts of, 'What if she denies me, hates me, has awful stuff to tell me about the life I never had'. All negative stuff, no room for a happy ending or the remotest thought of open loving arms.
Articles - What Is a Flash Crowd?
By Brain (Organiser of the Hull Flash Crowd)
In 1973 Larry Niven wrote as short story called Flash Crowd. In which society had access to cheap teleportation systems. Thus the consequences of almost free and instantaneous teleportation booths, was what became known as a flash crowd. The result of which being huge crowds turning up at major events, or interesting news stories.
Articles - Stranger in a Strange Land
By a Bloke from Stoke
I first moved to Hull from Stoke-on-Trent in September 2001.
Romance and then a job offer in the area and I was on my way.
After moving to good old 'Ull I soon learned some important lessons.
Articles - Rudston Monolith by Nicholas Boldock
Think of standing stones and you automatically think of Stonehenge, yes? That beautiful and world-renowned monument sited smack in the middle of greenest Wiltshire, spiritual home to druid and crusty alike, scene of many a cider-fuelled Solstice party.