Things To Do Before You're 30 Part 5 By Sarah Tomlinson

Continued From Part1, Part2, Part3, Part4

How many jobs do you go through before actually finding your cause? I've only had a few jobs; 2 to be quite honest. Been offered another, but didn't accept it, god knows why (wish he'd tell me). I always have some weird ideas, like a few months back it was to start a photography business (which still sounds good) last month it was doctor in an A&E, which doesn't sound so hot any more. And now, now is the most outrageous, I'm seriously thinking, well liking, I don't know.

But the main thought of it is; why don't I take out a big business loan and open a club? Why don't I buy Buzz Bar, or the vicinity of. But I always have ideas like that.

Are they stupid? Am I the only one who has them? Ideas that I know I will never fulfil, and are a bit (ok a lot) silly, but I really have a good plan in my mind. Mmm it gets me thinking, which I don't like because thinking takes up so much energy, hehe. This is what got me thinking on the how many jobs thing. Because I really do wonder. I'm now going through the process of applying for another job too. But again, like with the previous, will I take it if I get it? I really don't know what keeps me where I am.

Security? Loyalty, even? Though when it all boils down to it in any job, does it not boil right down to the M word .. Money? If anyone knows please let me know because it's really shooting my brain.

You see, I want what is mine and I want what belongs to someone else too. Remember the guy I could have had, but then couldn't and wanted when I couldn't? Well I'm going to call him Mal for the sake of now. Well he works with me. And the person he's seeing now works with me too. That person was the one person I spoke to about how I felt about Mal, and now she is going out with him.

I KNOW crap happens and so on and so forth, but it's the fact that she did what she did that narks me so much, and I can't find the right time to have it out with her because that's building up inside me and driving me insane, because she carries on like normal, and I can't for much longer.

The point of this tangent is the fact that that is the reason I want to leave, other than that the job isn't really that bad, even if I do say so myself. But I can't watch them both, watching each other and know what they're thinking. Plus, every time I want to have my say, I end up feeling guilty, which I have no reason to. Is it wrong to think that one of your closest friends, who you see and talk to nearly every day of your life, should give you heads up before plonking a great big love triangle bomb of pooh on you're head (bad analogy, I know)? That's just how I feel on the matter.

I guess I'm going to be obsessed by this triangle until I have my say. But should I have my say? I know that Mal will never speak to me ever again, and I really couldn't cope with that. Then I'd really take a dive. Wow is this tangent taking an angle or what!? Anyhow, ideas like my Buzz Bar idea never happen, and while they are the current idea they seem so.. how to phrase it.. definitely will work, if you know what I mean.

Every time I pass it town it looks so much more attractive than the last time. Argh! I could go round in circles with the ups and downs of the all my ideas all day, but my Ideas Disease may be contagious and I wouldn't want to infect everyone. Plus, Buzz is my idea (or T3 in my dream). Thing to do before your thirty: Something outrageous, which seems too good in your mind that it would either be FANTASTIC, or DRASTIC. At some point it just has to be done. Hopefully you will have the guts.

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