Endless Guitar Solos and the Real Reasons for Opposing Fox Hunting. (3/3) By Mark Pollard

(1/3), (2/3), (3/3)

But challenge them another time on the cruelty issue and they will claim that, in reality, they only catch a fox every four or five hunts. Can't have it both ways, folk. When you throw in the often-quoted figure of 15,000 jobs that will be lost overnight when the ban comes into effect, hunting with dogs looks a ludicrously inefficient way to go about things. Then there is the nonsense about it being an activity that appeals to a wide cross-section of people. OK, I know that most of the hunt followers, and many of the hunters themselves, don't really fit in with the tired old stereotype of the absurd aristocratic caricatures we often describe, but could someone please show me how many urbanites follow the hunt?

I'm sorry, but if they're going to refer to a wide cross-section of people, I'm afraid this has to include townies. What about the occupational cross-section? Or the mix of ethnicity and religion, beyond the usual WASPishness?

Even more preposterous has to be the fact that some hunts actually create and preserve small coppice environments in which foxes can survive; prosper, even. They then use this as a way of presenting themselves as somehow more caring and humane, seemingly unaware of the banality of their position. I don't actually need to ridicule them here; they make a fine job of it on their own.

I'd have some respect for them if they just admitted that it was still an activity only enjoyed by a relatively small section of society. Nothing wrong with that.

And I'd have more respect for them (but still not very much) if they just came out and said We know it's a wholly inefficient way to control a pest, but we do it because we love the thrill of the chase and the prospect of a kill. They must think us townies are too stupid to notice such bare-faced, idiotic gaps in their argument; all it does is convince me of their stupidity. The problem with these arguments is that, even when you present them in all of their unanswerable glory, hunt supporters are frequently able to end the debate with the accusation that anti-hunt feeling is driven by one thing, and one thing alone: class conflict.

The more capable anti-hunt protagonist can come up with very good reasons why this is not so, bring the debate back into focus and duly win the argument hands-down. However, more often than not it strays off-topic and the earlier points that were scored become lost in a more general discussion that invariably becomes a Republic vs. Monarchy thing. To stop things getting to this stage, when the blue-blooded Hooray Henry or Henrietta plays the class war card, simply agree with them. (I offer no apologies for reverting back to the tired old stereotypes again for my finale, by the way). Then tell them this:

We live in a country with a very long history of democratic rule and, despite our colonial transgressions, we have been responsible for many advances in civilized society and we continue to bring about reform in an attempt to make it a fairer place for all who live here.

Despite this, it is still an unjust Monarchical society that is structured largely on inheritance and privilege (I give you Sir Mark Thatcher), and we must continually strive to change the old order for something more egalitarian and class-free. More progressive, dare I say? There is no more potent a symbol of this old order than the sight of a fox hunt, and yes, this is the main reason that it should be brought to an end. Class-driven? Damned right it is. The motivation that dare not speak its name. My motivation.

Emerson, Lake and Palmer were thinking along the right lines when they recorded their version of Fanfare for the Common Man after all. Power to the people.

Articles - No Text Please, We're British By Andrea Longstaff

	What with the advent of the mobile phone. It really is no good for spelling and it seems to be breeding new illnesses. Not to mention we're all gonna be a nation of illiterates with repetitive strain injury! There's sleeping text, this is very similar to sleep walking. You awake in the morning Read more...

Articles - Things To Do Before You're 30 Part 6 By Sarah Tomlinson

	You know, I just got home from watching that new film Wimbledon and I can only think one sentence. Over and over again, and its really bugging me. I'm getting sick of waiting. But I am, I am getting sick of waiting, sick of waiting for my Peter Colt (Paul Bettany Read more...

Articles - Unfinished Theories By Andrea Longstaff

	Angus, my guitar hero but.......... I do think the Aussie guitarist Angus Young is getting a bit long in the tooth for the school boy uniform. I reckon Angus is a big Krankie's fan and he wears this uniform in tribute to the little munchkin, Jeanette Krankie. When AC/DC where belting out Highway to Hell Read more...

Articles - FEAST...From Arthur Woods

	Food Education and Social Transition(FEAST) Do you know how to cleanse your body from the inside? Do you know when the liver is most active and does not want you to eat? Do you know what makes acid in the body? Or alkali? What makes a healthy balance of the two? Read more...

Articles - Big Screens, Beslan and the Bus Home By Joe Hakim

	I decide to go into town to buy a CD and a magazine. As I'm leaving Whitefriargate I bump into a mate that I haven't seen in ages. We talk for a bit, all the 'Hey, how the fuck are you, yer bastard,' shit, and then we decide to go and have a couple of cheeky pints. Read more...

Articles - Has It Only Been A Year? (A Personal History of thisisUll.com) By Rich Mills

	Well in actual fact it's been just over a year, but the title of this piece was long enough without starting to split hairs on the timing of this piece not coinciding with the actual anniversary of thisisUll.com. Now I'm proud to say I was there at the Read more...

Articles - Made In Hull - Part Four - Schooldays By Maurice Fairfield

	My first day at school is still vivid in a misty sort of way. We were all given a little child-sized blackboard, with a tiny blackboard eraser and some chalk. So far so good. Unfortunately I thought it was mine and when they wanted it back they had to take it by brute force. The blackboard was Read more...

Articles - Eat Your End of an Era By Joe Hakim

	So I agree to go and watch my mate play a set at the Welly club. I've stopped clubbing, but I go anyway, because he's my mate and I said I would. When I say clubbing, I mean the whole go out take drugs and dance thing. Read more...

Articles - Peoples of Olde England (the North/South divide) - a declaration of war By The King Rat

	Since the dawn of time before English folk focussed their anger on immigrants and the sharp decline of Only Fools and Horses, we whiled away the hours hating anyone and everyone. We hated our families, our neighbours, our fellow townspeople. We hated people on TV, successful people Read more...

Articles - Our Telephone Pole By Mo

	Poking my head out of the window I asked "Can I take some pictures for the website?". "No problem came the reply" from Alan the team leader looking up from the base of the pole. Another story lands in my lap I thought, as I unloaded the battery charger and slipped the first rechargeable into our 150 quid Minolta digital camera. Read more...

Articles - My New Boss By Joe Hakim

	My new boss is a Nazi pig-fucker from Hell. There, I've said it. Just writing it and then re-reading it is enough to make me feel immeasurably better about my work related predicament. My current job involves working with the general public, a vague term at best. Read more...

Articles - THE LUCKY BASTARDS CLUB (A Reporter`s Tale) By Denis Price

	`I`m a bit worried about this,` said Austin, the man from the `Daily Record`. I looked at him and then peered through the clubhouse window at our aircraft. `You`ll be alright`, I said reassuringly, `Its got the right number of wings and wheels, it`ll be a piece of cake`. I winced at the use of wartime RAF slang and Read more...